


A Lot to Unpack

by delaclaeden



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Car Accidents, Cigarettes, Coffee Shops, College, Comfort Sex, Comfort/Angst, Developing Friendships, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Feel-good, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graduate School, High School, Hospitalization, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Marijuana, Minor Character Death, Morning After, Morning Sex, Multi, Overdosing, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Character Death, Past Drug Addiction, Pets, Phone Sex, Plotty, Recreational Drug Use, Sexting, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:07:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 75,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25724851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delaclaeden/pseuds/delaclaeden
Summary: alternate / modern universe: Erwin Smith is one of the most well known members in the up and coming community of Trost. He is charitable and liked by everyone in the city. Levi Ackerman has recently moved into Trost with his close friend, Petra, and he has taken a great deal of baggage along with him that he is struggling to overcome. When Erwin's friends notice Levi at the coffee shop where they work, they manage to introduce the two. As Levi is unpacking his things and attempting to start a new life for himself in Trost, Erwin is determined to unpack whatever history Levi seems to be hiding from everyone around him.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Oluo Bozado/Petra Ral
Comments: 23
Kudos: 78





	1. twenty seven

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i'm not sure if and when i'll be able to add more to this fic but this one is going to be set up so that it has multiple chapters :-) this one has a lot of plot to it and will be a good combination of feel good fluff as well as some emotional angst. this first chapter is probably going to be significantly shorter than some of the upcoming ones <3  
> we'll see how this one goes !!

Over the past few years, the city of Trost had evolved into one of those up and coming tourist traps that everyone loved to show off that they were taking a day trip to on their instagram stories. The main promenades boasted a plethora of unnecessarily expensive restaurants that sold food in frighteningly small portions, or pretty much anything that looked worthy of being photographed for a tag and repost. Beneath the glitzy exterior that the tourists portrayed Trost as to the rest of the world through social media, just about every local had a complicated life story that would take days to tell. The city was small and although it was more urban than rural, it was one of those places where everyone knew everyone if you were an extrovert of any sorts. The members of the community were very involved and close with one another.

One of these locals was named Erwin Smith.

He was born in Trost and had endured 12 years in the Trost public school system earlier in life. He was an only child and his parents loved one another almost as much as they loved him. Their little family was nowhere far from nuclear. After graduating from high school close to the top of his class, he attended the University of Stohess for four years.

Erwin made himself cringe whenever he’d preface those four years of his life as “transformative” or “defining” yet he truly believed that his college experience had opened the doors he needed to discover what he wanted out of life.

As a kid, he loved sports. He was a restless ball of energy growing up and throughout elementary and middle school his parents had him trying lacrosse, track, soccer, swim... whatever it took to ensure he was at his feet all the time.

Of course, by the time he had reached high school and had grasped the concept of hypermasculinity and overcompensating to cover for the fact that he was the only closeted gay kid he had met in his entire life who looked the way he did, he landed on football.

He loved football. He knew he wasn’t headed for the NFL and his athletic career would come to a screeching halt the moment he graduated college. This did not bother or discourage Erwin, and neither he nor his parents complained about the scholarship that the sport earned him at the University of Stohess.

In college, Erwin was one of the most involved people that one could come across on campus. He made some dramatic instagram post during his second year where he finally came out as gay, and that really got him brownie points from every crowd imaginable. He had told his parents when he was still in high school and his closest friends always knew, yet he felt as though he was defeating some sort of final boss by announcing his sexuality to the world in an age of technology sort of way. He still had all of his teammates on the field yet became equally involved in the gay-straight alliance on campus and student government, among other things. Students struggling with their own issues confided in Erwin because he was simply a caring person who was always willing to listen. He didn’t have a bad bone in his body. Following graduation, Erwin returned back home with his charismatic attitude and determination to take care of those who were less fortunate than he was. He and his childhood friends Hanji and Mike would volunteer weekly at the local food pantry in Trost, and Erwin had a job teaching history classes at Trost community college.

Erwin’s biggest project so far, which had started off as his dream as a college student thinking of ways he could improve the circumstances for those around him evolved into a reality by the time he had turned twenty-six. In his hometown, he opened a shelter for LGBTQ+ youth in the Trost area who had been disowned or no longer had a place to call home. He began running the nonprofit organization about a year ago. Hanji helped him run the social media platforms, and Erwin had made quite the name for himself within his community.

Erwin never perceived himself as above anyone else or deserving of the recognition he got. He had no ego, none of what he did was for his own personal gain. He lived comfortably in his own apartment, yet none of what he did within his community was rooted in hopes that he would become rich or well known. His only goal was helping and giving to those around him in need instead of taking for himself.

Similar to how things had gone for Erwin in college, people in Trost gravitated towards him and trusted him because of his kind nature.

* * *

“Happy birthday!”

The little bell that rang whenever the door swung open to the coffee shop where Erwin frequented jingled as the tall blonde entered the warm and fragrant building, followed by Hanji. He was immediately greeted by the jubilant cheers of his friends who worked in the establishment.

“I- you guys are incredible!” He exclaimed, a wide-mouthed smile beaming across his face as his eyes lit up. All of the employees were wearing t-shirts from Erwin’s organization instead of their usual work uniforms and they had hung multi-colored string lights all over the place, a huge banner announcing “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” was stretched across the barista counter.

Hanji chuckled as they walked in behind their friend. Of course, they had helped the baristas come up with the idea. As a group, they came to the conclusion that they would flip the shop’s sign over to ‘closed’ so Erwin, Hanji and their friends could have the place to themselves after the morning rush had ended for a little celebration.

Of the small group of café workers, the first to run up to Erwin and greet him with enthusiastic hugs were two college students at Trost University named Connie and Sasha. The two had been working at the coffee shop for the past year or so and had gotten to know Erwin very well, partially because they also volunteered at the food pantry and grew close to Erwin and Hanji after spending so much time together on a regular basis.

“We baked you a cake!” Sasha announced, her voice sing-songy.

“Sasha, we bought him a cake...” Connie murmured, his eye twitching as he nudged his friend.

“C-Connie!” Sasha pouted up at Erwin. “We’re sorry... you know we have midyears, it’s the middle of October.... do you still love your faaaavorite baristas?!”

Erwin laughed, hugging the two for a moment before smiling down at them as the rest of the employees began to gather around the group of four. “C’mon guys... you seriously went above and beyond, I didn’t need any of this.”

“But we _wanted_ to!” A third voice chimed in. Marco waved as he approached the group, giving both Erwin and Hanji quick and friendly hugs. He was a senior at Trost High School and had actually been living at the center Erwin ran since he attempted to come out as gay to his parents a few months ago. Marco was somehow the embodiment of human sunshine at all times despite everything he had endured, and Erwin saw the teenager as a younger brother or even a son to him. He had gotten Marco the job at the café after explaining his situation to Connie and Sasha’s manager and also his acquaintance; Nanaba.

As the group made their way to sit at the aged and worn leather couch that sat in the center of the coffee shop, Armin hurried over with Erwin’s usual order; iced americano with soy. Armin was the newest and youngest worker at the shop, having applied after the workers noticed him and his two best friends coming in to get coffee and do their homework or hang out together practically every day after school, and everyone had all three of their orders memorized.

“Thank you!” Erwin chimed at Armin as the young blonde handed him his coffee. The group of six sat down together and began to talk, Mike and Nanaba arriving shortly after.

“Sooo... any big plans for 27...? Or to start smaller, any plans for tonight?” Connie grinned over at Erwin, Sasha mimicking her friend’s expression. Both of them had turned 21 since Erwin’s last birthday and were hoping that they’d finally be included in whatever Erwin and his friends were doing to celebrate. Conveniently enough, his birthday had fallen on a Saturday this year.

“Well... I’m hoping that this _year_ I’ll be able to bring a new addition into my family...” He paused, loving the perplexed reactions his remark got out of his friends. “...Family of one, that is, and the addition will be a pet unless things get very weird around here... As for _tonight..._ ” His gaze turned to Hanji, Mike and Nanaba. “Nothing too big... This right now is honestly more than I could have ever asked for... But if you guys are around, we can grab a few drinks at _The Titan...”_ He then turned to Sasha and Connie, “you two can come along if you dare...”

“Sure Erwin, dare to be publicly embarrassed just by being seen with us old fools.” Mike piped in, before fixating his gaze over to the two college students, leaning in so what he said to them was more of an intentionally loud whisper. “Hanji has a habit of leaving with some... questionable characters every time we go to The Titan....”

“Hey!” Hanji snapped at Mike.

“We’re there! See you tonight!” Connie punched his hands in the air in a triumphant manner and Sasha beamed, nodding her head. The Titan was a bar in Trost, yet it was substantially more sophisticated than some of the other nightclubs in the area. Although it wasn’t a gay bar, it boasted a plethora of “this business welcomes all” types of signs on the door and the audience inside of the place was far from exclusively heterosexual. Anybody who walked into that place was likely to find _somebody._ Erwin and his friends didn’t usually go with ulterior motives though. They enjoyed each other’s company, dancing even though they were all terrible, and the overall energy of the bar.

Connie and Sasha eventually got up, and everyone sang ‘happy birthday’ to Erwin as they returned, presenting a sizeable cake on the coffee table in front of him. He smiled up at the two before thanking everyone around him for making 27 the best birthday ever.

“What else do you have going on today?” Marco asked, eyes glistening.

“Well... I have to teach a class from 1:30 to 2:45... and after that I’m gonna meet my parents to go eat... I guess that would be at a weird time that’s too early to call it dinner but too late to still be lunch...” Erwin smiled at Marco, taking a bite out of his cake.

“Say Erwin... you’re so set on getting a _pet_ this year.... How about a _guyyyyy?”_ Hanji interjected, the topic of conversation coming completely out of left field. Everyone at the table exchanged ‘ooooh’s and began to giggle at one another.

Sasha gave Connie a very particular look before nudging him. “oh yeah....” Connie whispered, a devilish grin crossing both of their faces as they synchronously turned to look forwards at Erwin.

“Speaking of which, Erwin.... you haven’t been with anyone in a _while_... and you’re not really the type to get around or anything... do you have like, a type?” Sasha strategically pondered. Erwin looked up at her, before noticing that both she and Connie were looking at him as if they were plotting something diabolical.

“Um...” This wasn’t a question that the man was asked often, if at all since he had been out of college. He needed to take a moment to think it through. “I don’t know actually.... hm, let’s see....”

“Taller or shorter.” Sasha interjected, starting with a basic this or that to get the ball rolling.

“Oh, shorter.” Erwin’s response was quicker than Sasha had expected it to be.

“Okay...” Her smile grew a little bigger, and Erwin felt as though his response had been a ‘right’ answer in whatever inside joke Sasha and Connie were executing with him.

“blonde or brunette?” Connie asked. Erwin was beginning to feel as though they were playing 20 questions with him.

“Wait Connie he’s neith- “

“shHHHH.”

“Umm.... am I missing something?” Erwin narrowed his eyes, grinning back at the two of them as Sasha’s little remark directed at Connie blatantly exposed that they were playing a game with him.

“No. Answer the question.” Sasha demanded.

“Sheesh, okay... Brunettes, or darker hair I guess.”

Connie made a fist with his hand and Erwin looked over at everyone else, trying to gather if any of the others had any idea what was going on. Mike and Nanaba shook their heads and Hanji shrugged. To Erwin’s dismay, Armin and Marco seemed to be equally perplexed when he looked over at them. He was genuinely beginning to feel like he was reverting back to a middle schooler on his 27th birthday.

“are you scared of or attracted to resting bitch face.” Sasha blurted out, her expression deadpan as she waited for Erwin to reply.

“I... I could get into it... I feel like I don’t have that at all and... opposites attract I guess?” Erwin shrugged, hoping that his answer was satisfactory for whatever game Connie and Sasha were playing. The two looked over at each other with a nod, before turning back towards Erwin.

“I feel like you’d be into the guy who came in here yesterday.” Sasha finally exclaimed, her voice lowering through her squinty eyes and toothy smile.

Erwin couldn’t help but laugh a little bit. That was what they just put him through the most stressful ninety seconds of his life for?

“Oh! _That_ guy!” Armin quickly blurted out as soon as Sasha revealed the intent of her and Connie’s little game, Marco gasping at what seemed to have been the same realization Armin had.

“Oh yeah, I’d never seen him before yesterday!” Marco explained to Erwin. “He might have been a tourist though, don’t get your hopes up guys... He didn’t have that general... ya know, Trost...ness.... to him.” Everyone nodded, knowing exactly what Marco meant by that.

“He got a cold brew and it was only like 45 degrees out yesterday, so you know what that means...” Armin added with a nonchalant shrug. The younger kids laughed at that, yet the ‘all gays drink iced coffee no matter how cold it is’ joke, yet it went right over the heads of the adults in the room.

Erwin wasn’t actually thinking too much about whatever, or whoever the coffee shop workers were talking about, yet he could tell that they were having fun with it and went along with whatever they had to say about this mystery customer.

“Okay, you’ve got my attention... tell me a little bit about this guy.”

Sasha dramatically cleared her throat and sat up, inhaling as she adjusted her posture and cupped her hands in her lap as if she were about to deliver a presentation she had been working on for weeks.

“Okay, he was wicked cool looking... In like an edgy way. He had an undercut and was wearing this cool black denim jacket with the wool lining on the inside, it fit him in that oversized kind of way.... black turtleneck and he was wearing those doc marten boots...” She paused. “A lot of black, now that I think about it...”

“eyeliner.” Connie interrupted before being quickly shushed by Sasha.

“But like a really tasteful little wing, not in a crazy goth kind of way... His hair looked really neat. But so did everything else about him... This sounds weird but he seemed very... clean? Oh, and he was like reeeeally short.” Sasha paused for a moment, glancing over at her three co-workers as she attempted to think of some more of the customer’s physical attributes. “He was wearing one of those little zodiac necklaces... fuck I wish I remembered what sign he was! You’re a libra, right Erwin?” She finally added.

“Yup... I guess.” He didn’t know the first thing about astrology.

“Wait what was his name?! You took his order Connie. We can try and stalk him on insta!”

“You think I remember the name of a single customer I took yesterday? I worked a seven-hour shift that started at 5 am!” Connie barked at Sasha in a very matter-of-fact sort of way.

“Oh wait, I made his drink...” Armin interrupted. “To be honest he seemed cool, so I actually focused when he came in... Pretty much everyone else who came into the shop yesterday I’d seen before, so I was kind of zoned out for those.” The teenager admitted, softly biting his lower lip and looking down as he thought about it for a moment. “Oh! Um, what’s that wicked expensive jeans brand that looks really good on models but nobody in real life can ever find the right size...?”

“Oh yeah! His name was Levi.” Connie exclaimed in a triumphant tone of voice.

Erwin smiled and nodded his head up and down. “Alright, maybe you guys will have to point him out to me if he comes in again.” He was partially joking although he knew in the back of his mind that Connie and Sasha would take this mission of theirs to the extreme.


	2. small world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha and Connie's little plan seems to be falling into place when they become acquainted with the right people at the right time on their night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! :-) this chapter has a LOT of characters in it which made it very fun to write! this one introduces a lot of the people on Levi's side of the story and the role they're gonna be playing. there's a lot of good interactions between just about everyone as well!

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?!”

Petra Ral barreled down the stairs wearing a tight-fitting black mini dress with thin spaghetti straps. She called out to confirm that her housemate was not going to be joining her and her friends as she snapped the clasp shut of one of her golden hoop earrings with one hand, clutching a dainty necklace in the other.

Petra was 23 years old and a graduate student at Trost Art Institute. She was working towards earning her Master’s in graphic design, yet she was admittedly doing the bare minimum that she needed to in order to get her degree. She was extremely passionate and devoted during undergrad but had slightly thrown in the towel after she got her undergraduate degree. She had a bubbly personality and a few too many friends. Tonight, she was meeting up with a few of the people she had become close with at grad school to introduce them to the man she had been seeing for almost a month, which was a long time for Petra.

“I’m certain.”

Petra had moved into a small studio apartment in Trost with her closest friend Levi, who she had met during their freshman year at Shiganshina College; a small yet well-esteemed liberal arts school located a few hours away from Trost.

“Okay, suit yourself.” She never pestered Levi into going out because she knew he had his own personal reasons to be apprehensive towards drinking, or even being around those who were drunk, for that matter. “Can you get this though?” She walked right up to where her friend was slumped on the couch and sat down in front of him, handing him the clasp to her necklace.

“Sure.” Levi said, grabbing the small article of jewelry and moving Petra’s shoulder-length hair out of the way so he could clasp it around her neck and meticulously adjust it so it sat perfectly at the center of her collarbone.

“Thanks!” She exclaimed as she stood back up, looking enthusiastically down at him. “Rico, Hitch and I are going to check out this place called The Titan tonight... We’ve been asking around for places to go on the weekends and a lot of locals say it’s wicked popular among them and not always the first choice for the tourists... They said it’s less _trashy_ than some of the other places.... Like that one we tried out last weekend; _The Basement.”_ She shuddered at the thought of her last nightclub outing. “I’m pretty sure I got roofied or something because I don’t remember how I got home... or the latter half of that entire night.”

Levi looked up at Petra, slightly alarmed. “Don’t let that happen again. You can be so fucking stupid when you’re drunk, honestly I have no idea how you make it home half the time.”

Petra smiled down at her friend. “No, tonight’s going to be more casual since we all have a lot of stuff for classes to work on tomorrow, we’re thinking of trying out this coffee place called Sawney’s we found online, it looks wicked cute. You wanna join?” She offered with enthusiasm.

“I can probably stop by for a bit but I’m pretty busy.”

“Okay! Agh, Rico and Hitch are going to meet Oluo tonight for the first time, usually they hate the guys I’m with and I’m worried they’re gonna say something and I’m gonna second guess my relationship- “

“Petra that’s because you have a horrible taste in men. Oluo sounds like a possessive narcissist.” Levi deadpanned up at Petra in a matter-of-fact sort of way, arching both of his brows, yet both of their heads spun around at a sudden knock on the door.

“I’ll probably be up late, you know to call me if you feel like you’re in danger or something is- “

“Levi, relax, I’ll be fine. One second.” She grinned as she pranced up to the door, shouting in excitement as she opened it and saw her two friends standing outside.

“Hey Levi!” Rico exclaimed as she let herself into their apartment, wearing high waisted black skinny jeans and a silvery and lacey bodysuit that matched the color of her hair. The article had a plunging neckline and was paired with some necklaces that fell down with it and a black choker right around her neck. She carried a sizeable bottle of tequila in her hands, which she promptly set down on the kitchen counter before heading over to the cupboard where Petra kept her shot glasses.

“Don’t spill anything in my kitchen, Rico.” Levi exclaimed, his voice a bit sarcastic, but not really. He was a neat freak and no matter what condition the three girls left the kitchen, he knew he would be getting immediately up to clean the entire area the second they were out the door.

“Levi, I can’t wait until you pull that stick out of your ass and come out with us one time... I feel like you’d be fun drunk!” Hitch added as she walked in, clomping along in the heeled ankle-length boots she was wearing.

Petra and Levi both froze for a moment at the comment, yet Petra reacted more abruptly.

“I have wine in the fridge!” She blurted out, trying to direct the topic of conversation away from Levi. “Woo!” Hitch and Rico called out enthusiastically.

* * *

Connie and Sasha were absolutely _hammered_ by the time they arrived at Erwin’s apartment at around 10 pm. Hanji and Mike were already there since the three of them had all gone out to dinner and had returned just shy of an hour ago. They had been chatting up a storm at Erwin’s place while sharing a few beers to pass the time, yet they were nowhere near the level of intoxication that the two college students were as they bombarded through the front door.

“It’s the birthday boyyy!” Sasha cried out, running up to Erwin and placing one of those cheap gold colored plastic headbands from Forever 21 that said “birthday girl” across it on Erwin’s head, immediately taking a photo with the flash on to put up on her snapchat story. Connie and Sasha’s friends _definitely_ questioned them at times regarding why their closest friends were either five years older than them or the high schoolers that they worked with.

“You two freaks are going to pass out in the uber on the way over there.” Mike retorted while Hanji giggled at the pair’s antics. Connie arched a brow at Mike before grinning over at Erwin, reaching a hand down to where he was using his other arm to cradle a rectangular lump underneath his denim jacket.

“Happy birthday!” He announced, pulling out a not entirely full bottle of Jack Daniels that he and Sasha had _clearly_ gotten a head start at on their way over.

“Now we’re talkin’!” Mike exclaimed as he snagged the bottle out of Connie’s feeble grip.

“Hey!” He shouted at Mike who had already screwed the top off and tilted the bottle to his lips for a moment before gritting his teeth and cringing his facial features as he set it down.

“What time are we headed out?!” Connie blurted out, him and Sasha both bursting with excitement to be going somewhere legitimate with the people who they had pretty much only ever seen when they were all doing their civic duties at the food pantry or at work.

“Jeez, are the three of us not good enough for you?” Hanji sarcastically accused after having a turn with the Jack Daniels of their own. “Soon!” They blurted out. “Or, as soon as this thing is empty...” They were referring to the bottle.

Erwin laughed and Connie and Sasha turned towards Hanji in the most starry-eyed way. “It’s on!”

* * *

“The uber is here!” Petra shrieked at the top of her lungs, tipping her shot glass full of tequila swiftly back to her lips one last time as she bolted to grab her white faux-fur coat from its hanger. It was around 11:15 at this point. Hitch and Rico did the same, flinging jackets over their shoulders and taking final shots before gathering by the doorway.

“Byeee Leviiii!” Hitch called out.

“We’ll see you later!” Petra exclaimed as the three stumbled out the door, practically slamming it behind them.

Levi sprang to his feet the moment the door shut and hurried over to the cabinet beneath the sink where he kept all of his cleaning supplies. He held his breath for a moment as he caught a whiff of the tequila spilled all over the surface, yet he inevitably rolled his eyes and attempted to power through disinfecting the entire area, twisting the cap back onto the half empty bottle of the hard liquor and setting it in the freezer and throwing the empty bottle of wine into the recycling. After placing all of the girls wine glasses into the dishwasher and running it, he sprayed a generous amount of Febreze into the air before setting the spray bottle exactly where he had grabbed it and walking off to go take a shower.

Levi made sure the water was freezing cold. He stood underneath the faucet for a few minutes, staring into space as he attempted to clear his head from a few of the temptations that were beginning to cloud his mind, yet it only began to grow worse. He was painfully aware of the fact that it was only a few rooms away from him. He had access to enter the world he had lived in when he was a teenager and had been putting all of his energy into pulling himself out of for the past few years.

He soon crossed his arms and began impatiently scratching at his skin for a moment. His head was beginning to hurt and spin as the only thing he could think about was running out of the shower and into the kitchen to where he had placed that bottle in the freezer. Instead of doing this, he took a deep breath and clenched his jaw as he turned the water off, reaching out to grab his phone that was placed on the sink top before he slid down the wall of the shower, dripping from head to toe as he sunk all the way to a seated position on the floor and listened to the water travel down the drain. He began to scroll through his contacts, eventually staring blankly into space as he dialed a name he hadn’t needed to call in a very long time.

* * *

“Oh my _god_ you’re like the prettiest person I’ve seen in my entire life!” Sasha gasped at a complete stranger as she adjusted her outfit and her hair in the bathroom mirror at The Titan. The place was some happy medium between a nightclub and a bar and the demographic was a little bit older than it was when she was out with her friends at school, yet Sasha didn’t care at all.

“Oh my god no that’s _you_ , are you kidding?!” Petra giggled at the slightly younger girl who was fixing herself up in the mirror right next to her. It was after midnight and she had needed to step away from the scene for a moment and catch her breath, partially because she was becoming increasingly upset that Oluo kept telling her he’d be a few minutes late.

“Seriously Petra, listen to this girl.” Rico snapped, her tone aggressive as she looked over at Sasha. “Tell me there isn’t a single guy you’ve seen at this place who looks like he deserves her, right?!” She exclaimed to the brunette.

“Not even kinda!” Sasha blurted out. “Girl you’re like an eleven out of ten, especially in that dress. Petra laughed for a moment, blushing at the compliment.

“But she’s being GHOSTED by a fucking LOSER who hasn’t even showed up yet!!!” Hitch screamed out. A few of the other girls in the bathroom began to boo out at the comment, one of them shouting “men are trash!” into the air. Sasha gasped. “I’ll fuck him up! Let’s go! Let’s go get you a new mans!“

Petra’s phone could suddenly be heard as it buzzed on the sink top.

“ _He’s here.”_ Her tone was a low gasp and she immediately grabbed her phone and made a beeline for the bathroom door yet Hitch and Rico rolled their eyes and stayed behind for a moment with Sasha. “Wanna come dance with us? You seem fun.” Rico offered, smiling.

“Sure! I have to introduce you guys to some of my friends! We’re celebrating one of their birthdays!”

“Okay!” The two expressed synchronously and followed Sasha out of a bathroom at a less hasty speed. Hitch sent Petra a quick text to their three-person group chat saying they were headed back out and to text them if she needed to find them or anything.

“Hey guys!” Sasha called out, waving her arm up above her head as she approached Erwin, Hanji, Mike and Connie over at the bar. Connie’s eyes widened as the two graduate students walked up to them behind Sasha.

“These are my friends!” She proudly exclaimed. “Umm....”

“Rico!”

“And Hitch!”

“Yay!” Sasha chirped before beginning to point. “This is my best friend Connie!” She said as she wrapped one arm around his shoulder. “We go to the University of Trost together! We’re seniors this year and work together at a café called Sawney’s. It’s pretty cool actually! You should check it out someti-“

“No way, we were actually planning on stopping by there tomorrow!” Hitch almost cried out and Sasha and Connie both gasped. “Oh my GOD I’ll see you there!!!” She shrieked. The three adults were sitting more casually at the bar, watching in awe at the theatrics of the younger adults that they could barely believe they had been acting like five or so years back.

“Anyways, this is Mike, Hanji and Erwin.” Sasha finally gestured towards the other three as she gathered herself. “It’s Erwin’s birthday today!” She joyfully added, bouncing up a bit.

“Happy birthday!” Both of the girls exclaimed before Hitch gasped as she recognized who he was. “You run that shelter for homeless teens, right?! We’re going to that fundraiser you’re having in November!”

Erwin’s expression lit up. “That’s amazing, I appreciate you guys wanting to help out!” Obviously, he didn’t want to talk about his organization in a drunk and joking manner, so he searched for a basic conversation starter to redirect their conversation. “Are you two from around here?”

He received a loud “no!” from Hitch and a “yes!” from Rico.

“We live together in Trost! We’re graduate students at Trost Art Institute. Rico is from around here but I’m from Sina! It’s a few hours away! We’re also here with our friend Petra who just moved here...” Her tone changed. “And him...” Her expression had reverted into a scowl as Petra emerged from the crowd, followed by a relatively tall young man with dirty blonde hair that fell into soft curls. He was holding onto her hand and quickly assessed everyone around her with his eyes as they came into view.

“I didn’t know you had this many friends, Petra!” He sarcastically exclaimed as he looked around at the group, placing a hand around Petra’s waist. “Nice to meet you guys! I’m Oluo.”

The entire group waved and greeted him back, the tone in the voices of Petra’s friends were a lot less enthusiastic than that of everyone else.

“Petra! This guy’s Erwin Smith who runs that charity you’ve been meaning to get involved with.”

“Hey! Don’t forget that _I’m_ the PR person over here!” Hanji blurted out. That really got Petra’s attention, and the two got to talking all about advertisements and putting your name out there. Oluo stood with her and was just as immersed in what Hanji had to say. He had a business degree and was all ears to any real-world advice he could get.

Meanwhile, Sasha, Connie, Rico and Hitch were talking absolute nonsense to one another. The two groups seemed to mesh together extremely well.

“Okay, so it’s Erwin’s birthday and we need to get him a _mans..._ He was going on earlier about how this year he was finally going to get a pet... but I’m like, no stupid, you’re getting a boyfriend.”

“Oh my god I can totally see it... He needs somebody who is super cool and involved so they can be a total power couple. But also like... different from him, you know?” Hitch retorted and Rico began giggling with Sasha at this.

“I mean, if he actually wants a pet though, our friend does a lot of volunteer work at the local animal shelter...” Rico interjected. “He lives with Petra but didn’t wanna come tonight, he’s not big on going out, which is weird because Petra shows us these crazy photos and videos of them from freshman year of undergrad, but then it looks like they stopped going out altogether after that.”

“Oh yeah!” Hitch added in. “You’re so right, Levi loves animals and he’s at the shelter all the time.”

“That’s awesome! Sasha began to go on a tangent about how badly she wanted a dog for a moment but began to trail off as the name Hitch had just mentioned began to ring in her mind long enough for her to remember a conversation from earlier that day.

“Wait, who?”

Connie looked over at Sasha, confused for a moment. His head was not in the same place as Sasha’s, yet the girl might as well be a part of the FBI and Connie was denser than a brick when it came to this kind of stuff.

Rico narrowed her eyes for a moment. “You know him?” She questioned, her voice becoming slightly accusatory. She was extremely defensive over all of her friends and had no difficulty switching up on some strangers in a second if they were about to spit out an ounce of negativity.

“Um, no. Not exactly.” Sasha tensed up for a moment. “Um... Just, someone with that same name came into the place where we work yesterday! Wouldn’t that be funny if we’re talking about the same person!?” Her laughter that followed her remark was a little bit nervous.

Connie caught on at that moment. “Do you have a picture of him?!” He blurted out, leaning in past Sasha.

“Umm... one second.” Hitch and Rico both pulled out their phones and began to scroll through their own instagram accounts. “Oh, can I follow you guys?!” Hitch was the first to get sidetracked from her scrolling and pulled up the search tab, handing her phone willingly over to Sasha and then Connie.

“Here!” Rico exclaimed, turning her phone towards Connie and Sasha. She had switched over to her camera roll and found a photo she had taken of Hitch, Levi and Petra standing in Petra’s empty apartment on the day she and Levi had moved in.

Sasha and Connie narrowed their eyes through their fuzzy vision, and Sasha resorted to grabbing the phone, pinching the screen with her thumb and pointer finger so she could zoom in on the man in the photo. Within seconds she gasped, her devilish grin quickly returning as she handed the phone back to Rico.

“Oh my god that’s HIM!” She began to shake Connie vigorously.

“Oh, that’s wicked funny!” Hitch exclaimed, her comment directed mostly at Rico for the other two had become visibly side tracked. They were still slightly confused by the intensity of their reactions.

“This is going to sound so weird... and I _promise_ I’m not asking for myself. But. Is he single?” Connie asked the two. Sasha rolled her eyes at how overtly blunt Connie was being about their secret mission, yet was still amazed by the fact that out of everyone they could have become acquainted with at the bar, the people they ran into seemed to be _best_ friends with the person they had singled out after he had come into the coffee shop for maybe two minutes.

“Um... yeah? Why?” Rico arched a brow at the two. Sasha couldn’t help but glance over at Erwin for a moment, who was talking with Mike, Petra, Hanji and Oluo, yet Connie had been the one who asked the question so she waited for him to respond, partly because she knew he would absolutely crumble.

“Asking for a friend!” Was all that Connie could come up with on the spot. He looked over at the two, suddenly terrified by how they might react, yet he was surprised to see their expressions light up as they put Connie’s remark and the direction of Sasha’s gaze together.

“Is that friend in this bar right now by any chance?” Rico inquired, jutting one hip out and resting her hand on it, leaning in a bit towards Connie.

Sasha couldn’t stay silent for another moment. She saw how this could perfectly contribute to her plan. “Is he coming with you guys to the coffee shop tomorrow?! You said you were coming in!”

“Um... He said he might stop by but that he probably couldn’t stay long.”

“Okay! Let’s go dance!” Sasha knew all she needed to know. She grabbed Connie by the hand and began to make her into the crowd as she walked briskly from the bar over to the dance floor.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Hitch was absolutely stunned by the bizarre interaction that had just got on between the four of them.

“I think I picked up what they were putting down but... I’ll tell you about it on our way back when we’re with Petra and not with that fucking clown.” Rico redirected her gaze over to where Petra and Oluo were standing and Hitch scoffed at her comment. “Girl, she’s absolutely whipped. Dickmatized. She’s not coming home with us.”

“Fuck, you’re right.” Rico sneered. “Let’s go.” She exclaimed before grabbing Hitch by the hand and leading her out into the sea of people on the dance floor where Connie and Sasha had vanished off to.

* * *

As the night went on, the recently formed group of friends had split off and grew less and less concerned with finding one another. By the time 2:30 am rolled around, Sasha, Connie, Rico and Hitch had become sober enough to notice how terrible everyone around them looked when they were dancing. The group of four stepped outside, preferring to talk where they could actually hear each other’s voices without having to shout directly into their ears.

Rico put her hand into one of her coat pockets, fishing around for a moment before she pulled out her lighter and a joint that she had been saving for the end of the night. She cupped it with her hand as she lit it, pressing the end to her lips and inhaling sharply before offering it up to the others as she turned her head to the side, exhaling a cloud of smoke. Connie and Sasha let Hitch take it first, and the four of them got to talking as they passed it around in a circle.

“So I guess we’ll be seeing you guys tomorrow? That’s pretty neat, we’ve been trying to get acquainted with more people who live in the area but a pretty good deal of the people we take classes with seem like fucking weirdos...” Hitch exclaimed as she pulled up her phone and tried to call an uber.

“Yeah! You guys come in any time you’d like...” Sasha thought about it for a moment. “Actually, if you’re there around one-thirty, that’s when I have a little break!”

“Cool. We have a lot to work on, but a break can’t hurt... It’ll be nice to see each other when we look like functioning members of society.” Rico added. “It was nice meeting your older friends too... Your friend Erwin seems like a really great guy... Like he just seems nice, I guess.”

As if summoned by the remark, the three adults emerged from the front doorway, looking around for a moment before approaching the group of four as Connie began to eagerly wave them down.

“Hey! Glad everyone made it out alive, did you guys have a good time?” Erwin asked the entire group, hands in his pockets as he smiled down at them.

“Yeah! Seems like you guys had a pretty hard time keeping up with us though!” Connie grinned, turning his attention over to Hanji for a moment. “Hey, where’s that questionable character Mike had gotten my hopes up about?” He asked, arching a brow with his sarcastic remark.

“Connie, you can be a questionable character sometimes, you know?” Hanji barked before looking down at a message on their phone which prompted them to look over to where a car had pulled up by the curb outside of the bar. “Uber’s here, guys.” Their comment was directed at Erwin and Mike.

“Hey, thanks for coming out tonight, we’ll see you tomorrow?” Erwin asked Sasha and Connie.

“Yes- Oh! You’re still coming into the shop, right?” Sasha blurted out.

“Yeah, Marco wanted me to help him and Jean work on some stuff for applying to college... You know how that can be.”

“Cool. Sooo... You’ll be there for a while?”

“Um, yeah. Probably a few hours at least. Why?”

“Just curious! Okay, have a great night guys!

Erwin smiled and turned to follow Hanji and Mike to the car that was waiting for them. “See you later, it was nice meeting you two!” He said to Rico and Hitch, who both replied with a synchronous ‘you too!’ as he walked off.

* * *

“Your friends seemed a little stand-offish, don’t you think?”

Oluo looked over at Petra as they sat in their uber that was headed back to his apartment, his arm around her shoulders as he rested it on the leather interior of the vehicle.

Petra looked down for a moment. “Don’t worry about them... They were so preoccupied with that girl we met in the bathroom and her friend.” She looked up at him. “They’re suddenly like best friends now.”

“Alright, I won’t be worried unless they start acting weird around me in broad daylight.”

Petra laughed for a moment. “Are the guys you live with at home?”

“Umm... Gunther is probably asleep, and Eld is honestly _god_ knows where.... He walks in at 6 in the morning sometimes. He never tells us where he’s going and is always stinks of alcohol when he gets back. He also barely gives a shit about his job anymore... If I’m being honest, it’s starting to worry me a little. He’s probably going to get fired or fail his classes... I’m hesitant to ask him about it, just cause he’ll probably get all defensive, you know?”

Petra froze up for a moment before quickly grabbing her phone out of her coat pocket.

“Is something wrong?” Oluo narrowed his eyes as Petra hurried to find Rico’s contact, dialing her friend and pressing her phone up against her ear as it began to ring. “Yeah, everything’s fine...” She said, yet her tone was not convincing in the slightest.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Rico answered the phone after only two rings.

“Um, yeah... Are you guys home yet?” Petra raised her free hand to her mouth and began to nervously bite at one of her fingernails.

“Yeah, we got back like five minutes ago. I’m with Hitch and Levi right now. You’re still good to go try out that new coffee place tomorrow, yeah?”

Petra’s tense expression shifted into a soft and relieved smile at the normalcy of Rico’s response. “Yeah, um... I’m going back to Oluo’s right now... Why don’t I just meet you guys there around eleven?”

“Ugh, make it noon.”

“Okay, that’s fine... Alright, love you, thanks, see you later. I can’t wait to hear about your nights.”

Oluo looked perplexed as Petra hung up the phone and slid it back into her coat pocket. “What on earth was that about?” He asked as the uber came to a halt outside of his apartment building. The two of them quickly thanked the driver, wishing him a good night as they stepped out of the car. Petra shut the door behind her and walked up to Oluo, who wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She leaned in against him as he grabbed a small set of keys from his pants pocket, looking back down at her and waiting for her response as he unlocked the door.

She looked up at him, her expression somber. “I’m sorry that seemed a little sus... Listen, it’s a lot to talk about, I’m not going to lie to you. But I hope you can understand it’s not about me and it’s a story for another day, okay?”

Oluo nodded. “I get it. If anything is bothering you though, I hope you know you can talk to me about that...” The two were idling in the open doorway at this point, a soft smile across both of their faces.

“I will, thank you.” Petra replied, before the two headed into the apartment, Oluo closing the door behind them.


	3. half empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin is busy making plans to help Marco and Jean, but things take a turn when the girls they had met the night before come into the shop with Levi and his hostile attitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy~ !!! please let me know in the comments below who your favorite characters are so far and how you're liking the story!! I promise it's going to start picking up pretty soon

Sunday was always one of the busiest days at Sawney’s. During the week, people had the tendency to come in and leave as soon as they received their order, yet a lot of the customers who came in on Sundays lingered in the shop to catch up on some work or meet up with their friends.

Erwin was one of those people who would often spend a good amount of time at the establishment during the day on Sunday. It was around eleven when he walked in, looking just as tired as Sasha and Connie who were working behind the counter.

“Good morning, sunshine~” Erwin sarcastically chimed out to the two, their expressions plagued by the dark circles that hung underneath both of their eyes. Before he could order, Armin walked up to the counter and set Erwin’s usual iced americano down in front of him. Erwin smiled at the blonde teenager. “Thanks pal.”

Erwin looked back for a moment and made note of the line of customers forming behind him as he handed his debit card over to Connie, who swiped it through the machine before handing it back to him. “You’re hanging around here for a while?” He asked, hoping he’d be able to catch up about both of their nights when Connie had his break in a bit. He and Sasha both been scheduled to come in at 9 am that morning, which wasn’t easy for either of them.

“Yeah, Marco and Jean should be here soon, I’m helping them with some college stuff.” He explained with a smile before grabbing his coffee and heading over to a small empty table over by a window at the side of the café.

Erwin had been considering applying to become Marco’s legal guardian for the past few months. The high schooler’s parents had kicked him out of the house when he attempted to come out to them as gay, and his circumstances devastated Erwin. Marco lived at the shelter most of the time, yet Nanaba would occasionally tell him that she would find Marco sleeping at one of the couches or booths in the store when she came in to open up in the morning. His parents had cut him off entirely, and Erwin was doing what he could to help send Marco to college. A lot of the proceeds from the fundraisers he held were dedicated to supporting renovations in the shelter, as well as setting it aside for the college funds of the high schoolers who lived there. Erwin was planning on contributing to Marco’s college tuition out of his own pocket as well.

“Hey!”

Erwin spun around to see two teenagers approaching him. The first one was Marco, wearing a honey-colored sweater that was tucked into a pair of belted blue jeans and a pair of white high-top converse sneakers. Following him was a boy named Jean. He was dressed a lot more casually than Marco; light grey sweatpants and an oversized fitting navy blue crew neck with the nike logo across the chest with white air forces on his feet from the same brand as the sweatshirt.

As Erwin got to know Marco better, the high schooler explained to him that Jean was the reason he tried to come out to his parents. He had been friends with Jean since elementary school, starting off as classmates and evolving into an inseparable pair. When they got to high school, things began to shift with the two of them. They would hang out later at night, text back and forth all the time when they weren’t together, and gradually got to a point where they mutually acknowledged that their regard for one another went beyond a friendship.

Marco was overpowered with a mixture of emotions when Jean was able to introduce Marco to his parents as his boyfriend the summer before their junior year of high school. He was happy that when he was at Jean’s house, he didn’t have to hide from and was accepted for exactly who he was and what he and Jean had together.

But at the same time, he felt anguished by the fact that as far as his own parents were concerned, Jean was his friend. It took the entirety of his junior year to muster the courage to confess to his parents about his sexuality and the truth of his relationship with Jean.

It cost him everything.

“Hey you two!” Erwin smiled at the pair as they greeted him at the table, standing up to give Marco a hug before the three of them sat down together.

“Hey Erwin, how was your night with those guys?” Marco joked, making note of how exhausted Sasha and Connie looked when he had walked in.

“It was great! We met a few people who live around here... Sasha and Connie became very fast friends with them, which is nice.”

“Oh, awesome! I’m glad you guys had a good time.” Marco smiled as he reached into his bag and grabbed his laptop, the surface of the device coated with a plethora of stickers. Jean did the same, pulling out his space-grey MacBook that only had a few small stickers scattered about in strategic locations.

Marco typed and clicked at a few different things before looking over at Erwin. “We only have two more weeks until the early decision deadline. I know that my top two are University of Stohess and Rose College...”

Erwin smiled at what Marco had to say. He found it amusing that one of his top schools was where Erwin had attended undergrad. “And you know which ones cater to your major, yes...? You have to know what you’re planning on majoring because you have to apply for the specific college for that program at Stohess, you can go to Rose undecided though if you haven’t figured that out yet.”

Marco paused for a moment. “Yeah, I think I’ve decided on psychology or neuroscience.” He exclaimed. “I’m taking psych as a class in school this year and I find the neuroscience part really amusing... Most kids hated the biology unit we had because they just want to get to the part when we talk about crazy psychological experiments and mental disorders... But I honestly can’t get enough of how the brain works in such crazy ways...”

Erwin arched his brows and nodded, impressed by Marco’s explanation. He knew Marco was smart and he definitely had a shot at getting into the University of Stohess. “How about you, Jean?” He turned towards the other teenager who seemed remarkably more stressed than Marco was.

“Well... I really do love the University of Sina, their computer science program is exactly what I want... But I know that area is extremely, well, conservative... And so is a majority of the student body. I feel like I’d get chewed up and spit out... You know, like ‘kick me I’m gay’ signs and shit on my back like in those tacky ass movies.” He blurted out while using aggressive hand gestures. Jean was extremely intelligent when it came to all things related to math and coding. He was a bit of a geek, but he was proud of it. He knew what he wanted to do, and he was able to do it well.

“If that’s something you’re worried about, why don’t I take you there next weekend? If you’re not too busy, that is. I can take both of you because it’s close to Stohess as well. Just so you can see it for yourself and clear up any of those concerns!” Erwin explained, attempting to console Jean a bit. “If the two of you can figure out times to go on a tour that gives us enough time to get there in the morning and from one place to another, I would be more than happy to drive you.”

“Really?” Jean’s eyes widened a bit. “Damn, thanks Erwin, that means a lot!” He smiled as he hastily opened the University of Sina’s website and began looking at the calendar for when they’d be offering tours.

The two continued to talk about it for a while, excitedly explaining to Erwin what they liked about each of the colleges they had picked out while they worked out a plan for the following weekend.

“Do you guys want anything?” Erwin asked after a bit of time had passed as he pushed himself back in his chair and stood up.

“Can I get a blueberry muffin and an iced black tea?” Marco smiled politely up at Erwin as he took a moment to look away from his laptop. Jean looked up as well and asked if Erwin could grab him a sundried tomato bagel with cream cheese.

“Got it, be right back.” Erwin nodded up before heading over to the counter when he noticed that the line had vanished. Sasha smiled as she caught Erwin out of the corner of her eye and walked up to the register. “How’s everything going with those two?” She asked. She had clearly downed an espresso shot or two and an Advil since the last time Erwin had been up at the counter almost an hour ago.

“Good! They’re both very determined... I’m gonna take them to Sina next weekend for a few college tours.” He exclaimed before repeating Marco and Jean’s orders to her. As Sasha was putting the employee discount into the system for Marco, she instinctively looked up at the sound of the bell jingling as the door swung open.

She almost gasped.

“Erwin, give me like four dollars.”

“Isn’t this order at least ten bucks...?”

“No idiot. Four extra dollars.”

Connie had been standing beside Sasha and grinned as three people walked through the door of the establishment, two of which were familiar from the night before. “Hey guys!” He called out, waving to Rico and Hitch from behind the pastry display as he was grabbing everything Erwin had ordered.

“Hey! This is a nice place!” Hitch chimed as she looked around the quaint and well decorated café, getting in line behind Erwin, who handed Sasha an extra five-dollar bill upon her request before turning around to acknowledge the girls they had met at the bar last night. “Good to see you guys!” He exclaimed, stepping aside so they could order. Standing directly behind the two was a third individual who probably had the worst case of resting bitch face Erwin had ever seen on a person in his entire life.

“Hey Erwin! Nice seeing you here.” Rico said before looking at the menu that was written on the chalkboard above their heads. “Let’s see...” She murmured before looking back at Sasha. “I’ll get medium mint tea and a slice of the lemon loaf... And about five ibuprofen.” She smirked up at her new friend, who laughed a bit from behind the counter as she typed in her order. “Are you guys paying together or separate?”

“Separate.” She said before looking back at her two friends. “I’ll go grab us a place to sit.”

Connie handed Erwin all of Jean and Marco’s order. “Thanks.” He said before turning to head back to his table, yet he couldn’t help but glance momentarily over at the person who had walked in with Rico and Hitch. He looked about their same age and was wearing an oversized retro looking sweater that was tucked into black belted jeans. The high neckline of a white shirt was visible underneath the sweater and few silver necklaces were around his neck that fell perfectly in line with one another.

Erwin turned abruptly away the moment he realized he was staring.

Upon sitting back down at his table, Marco looked as if he had been watching him the entire time and was bursting with anticipation to say something.

“That’s the guy who came in a few days ago that Sasha mentioned yesterday.” He whispered, both he and Jean leaning in towards him. Marco had completely filled Jean in as they had watched the interaction unfold from their table. “I’m guessing those are the people you guys met last night... Was he not with them?”

Erwin was very taken aback by Marco’s keen and accurate observation.

“Um, no he wasn’t. I’ve never met him.” He admitted, his voice extremely quiet as he handed Marco and Jean their food and drinks.

Marco smiled down at the table, raising his brows. “Well, he’s very pretty.” He whispered.

“Hey!” Jean hissed at him, and Marco only laughed for a moment before leaning up against him. “C’mon, you know what I meant!”

Meanwhile at the counter, Sasha finished up taking Hitch’s order, smiling up at the last of the three in line as she thanked Sasha before stepping off to the side. “You came in a few days ago, right?” She asked him, not even bothering to take his order right away.

Levi narrowed his eyes at the barista in a perplexed sort of way. “Um, yeah... Everyone here is such a townie, I figured I’d get in the habit of coming to a local place like this instead of going to the Starbucks drive thru every day... Their coffee is criminally watered down anyways.” His tone was very monotonous as he looked up at Sasha. “Can I get a green tea.”

“Sure! Oh, and you’re all set. The guy in front of you paid for it.”

Levi paused from fishing his debit card out of his wallet and glanced inquisitively over to where Erwin was talking to Jean and Marco at an oddly close proximity. “Oh? That’s nice of him.”

Sasha grinned as he wrote his order on a cup before looking back up at him. “Can I get a name for that?” She asked as if she hadn’t spent the previous night stalking through Hitch, Rico and Petra’s instagram accounts for any photos they had with him.

“Levi.” He said, before turning to look for where Hitch and Rico had found a table. Since there was no line behind him, Sasha figured she’d see what she could learn about this guy as she handed the cup off to Armin.

“We met your friends last night! Were you busy? Or just not the partying type?”

Levi was tempted to roll his eyes to the back of his head, yet he simply deadpanned over at Sasha. “Not my thing.” He shrugged.

“Gotcha. I’m Sasha, by the way! You guys should definitely come by here more often! We love our regulars.” She exclaimed as Armin walked back to where they were standing, passing the cup of hot tea across the counter. “Enjoy!” He chimed out, before returning back to work.

“Thanks.” He said, before looking back at Sasha. “Nice to meet you.” He added. He turned to walk back to where Hitch and Rico were when he remembered that Sasha had said that the man in front of them in line had paid for his order. He glanced over at their table and was convinced that he caught one of the teenagers that the blonde individual was sitting with staring at him. Rolling his eyes off to the side, he began to walk over to where they were sitting.

“Erwin, don’t look, but I think Sasha might have said something because he’s coming over here.” Marco whispered, leaning quickly back and taking a sip of his tea to try and act unsuspecting.

Before he could react, Erwin was jolted upwards by a gentle tap on his shoulder. Swiveling his head and body around, a cloud of surprise crossed over his expression as he looked up at the man who was standing behind him. His dark hair fell neatly down in a way that framed either side of his face and his silver eyes were extenuated by a thin, sharp wing of black eyeliner.

“Hi, sorry to scare you. The girl at the counter said you paid for this, so... Thanks.”

Erwin could not speak for a moment. He quickly pieced together why Sasha had asked him for a few extra dollars and collected himself, a smile crossing his face. Even from his seated position at the table, he was not too far off from eye level with the man.

“Oh! No problem...” He thought for a moment. “I met your friends last night, actually. They told me you guys were pretty new around here and I- “

“So you’re trying to get on my good side so you can make a move on them? Perv.”

Erwin’s eyes widened, the blood falling immediately from his face and a pit forming in his stomach. He was horrified. Jean and Marco both held their breath, completely immersed in the tragic interaction that was happening in front of them.

“What- no!” Erwin tensed up. “It’s not like th- “

“Later, loser.” Levi turned around and walked over to join Rico and Hitch.

Marco and Jean watched as Erwin turned back around to face them, looking as if a few years had just been taken from his life.

“Wow.” He murmured after a long pause, looking up at Marco. “That’s the guy you guys picked out for me?”

Marco flinched, a panicked expression forming across his face as he waved his hands defensively in front of him. “This was Connie and Sasha’s idea! Don’t blame me!”

Jean could barely hold back bouts of laugher. “Aha... Wow, he was a total bitch.” He hissed as he looked down, pounding his fist lightly on the table a few times. “Power bottom. For sure.” He grinned up at Erwin, who furrowed his brows and widened his eyes at Jean in disbelief.

Rico and Hitch both stared Levi down as he joined them over at their table. “What was that all about?” Hitch asked, leaning in across the table as Levi slumped into his chair.

“Your friend at the counter said that guy over there bought me this...” He placed his hand around his cup of tea. “I figured I’d thank him, but he mentioned you guys right off the bat... It fucking bothers me how straight guys who look like that think they’re god’s gift to the fucking planet or something. He clearly just wanted to use me to get to either of you guys.”

Hitch’s jaw dropped and Rico widened her eyes, staring at Levi as if he had five heads.

“Levi you fucking asshole...!” Rico hissed, her voice barely audible as she leaned in towards him. “Do you know who that is?!”

“Somebody with too much privilege.” He deadpanned.

“Are you fucking dense?!” Hitch began to tag team off of Rico. “You know that charity for the LGBT kids who got kicked out of their homes that Petra won’t shut up about? That’s the guy who fucking runs it!”

“The openly gay guy who fucking runs it.” Rico interjected, mimicking Hitch.

“And who was it who wanted to get in touch with the guy who fucking runs it about doing some partnership with the animal shelter he volunteers at so the kids living there could get to spend quality time with some cute ass kittens...?” Hitch added, leaning even closer to Levi.

“And whooo just completely shoved it to his face? He obviously did that because he thought you were cute. You have to stop doing this shit and think about things in the glass half-full kind of way for I don’t know... five seconds.” Rico teased, looking over at Erwin’s table. Marco and Jean who had been watching them quickly diverted their gazes elsewhere.

Levi slouched down in his chair, staring down into his cup as he began to uncomfortably lift the bag in and out of the tea. “fuck.”

At that moment, the bells in the doorway jingled as Petra entered the shop. Sasha smiled and waved her down, and she walked over to her and ordered, the two spending a few minutes asking how the rest of each other’s nights had been. Once Connie handed Petra the iced coffee and muffin she had ordered, she made her way over to where her three friends were sitting and talking about something that seemed extremely serious.

“Hey guys! What’s up?” She inquired as she sat down. Her hair was tousled about and she was wearing a hooded sweatshirt that was big enough on her that it obviously belonged to Oluo.

“You won’t believe the stunt that this one just pulled.” Rico sneered before explaining what had just gone down between Erwin and Levi, whose face was plagued with an aggravated pout.

“Levi! Are you serious?!” Petra gently whacked him on the arm, staring over at him in disbelief. “He’s into you! Go apologize to him!” Levi turned over towards her and glared. “Are you kidding me? I’m never talking to him again, or coming back here, for that matter.” Petra tilted her head and pouted her lower lip out. “Aww, is somebody embarrassed?”

“No, Petra. But I’m not really in the mood to swallow my pride and go over to him like a fucking clown with my tail between my legs.”

Petra shrugged. “Okay, have fun dying alone.” She averted her gaze away from him and took a sip out of her iced coffee. “Oh, this tastes good.” She thought out loud.

“Alright Petra, not everyone gets to walk in parading around the fact that they got dicked down last night like you did.” Rico stated, raising a finger and placing it on her own neck as she arched a brow, looking directly at a little bruise that the hood of Petra’s sweatshirt was just low enough that it couldn’t hide it. Embarrassed, Petra pulled the drawstrings on the hood a little tighter so it practically reached her chin. “Hey... Well, Levi could join me in that department if he was nicer to the people who pay for his drinks.” She stated matter-of-factly. Hitch nodded her head at that, and Levi rolled his eyes, scowling.

“Fine.” He murmured to the three after a long pause, hesitantly rising from his seat.

At this point, Erwin, Marco and Jean had gotten over what had happened. They were going on about a million different topics when their conversation suddenly came to a screeching halt as somebody occupied the fourth seat at their table that had been empty just a moment ago. All three of them turned up to see Levi, his arms crossed and one leg folded over the other. He only looked at Erwin, his eyes narrow as he shot him an intimidating glare. “Can I talk to you for a minute.” He growled.

“Sure...” Erwin was stunned.

“Outside.”

“Okay- “

Levi stood up and silently made his way over to the door. Erwin hesitated for a moment and looked over at Marco and Jean, a bit of panic was visible in his facial expression. Jean let out a long whistle as his gaze trailed off to the side.

“You better go.” Marco whispered, eyes wide.

Erwin sighed and stood up. “Pray for me.” He uttered nervously to the two high schoolers before turning around and walking over to where Levi was waiting for him by the front door.

Sasha watched as the two walked out of the shop together and quickly leapt over to Connie, tapping him on the shoulder until she got his attention. “What!?” He hissed, spinning to look over at her.

“Look!” she whispered loudly and turned towards the doorway. “My plan worked perfectly. They’re going to fuck in a back alley.”

“Sasha, he looks like he’s ready to kill Erwin...”

* * *

Erwin stared down at Levi as they stood across from one another outside of the shop. He was about a whole foot taller than him, yet he didn’t think he had ever met a more terrifying person in his entire life. After a pause, the shorter individual crossed his arms and glanced aside.

“I’m sorry for being a dick...” He murmured. “I’m new here, I don’t know who anyone is in this town, and I made a poor and inaccurate judgement of your character.” He paused, narrowing his eyes. “My friends caught me up to speed... I guess you’re important around here.” He refused to make eye contact with the taller blonde who was staring down at him.

“I have to say... I was definitely not expecting that.” Erwin let out a single breath of laughter as he glanced aside to some of the cars passing by along the street before turning back to Levi. “I think I’ll be able to get past it though.” Levi finally looked up to face him, surprised by the soft and genuine smile that composed the other man’s expression. Hesitantly, he outstretched one hand. “I’m Levi, by the way.” He murmured, glancing away from him once again. Erwin did not hesitate to grab his hand and shake it firmly. “Nice to meet you, Levi. I’m Erwin.”

“I’m apparently the only person around here who doesn’t already know that.” Levi scoffed, letting go of Erwin’s hand and placing them in the pockets of his jeans. “Anyways... My friends made me feel like a fucking idiot when I told them what I said to you, so you can thank them for forcing me to come talk to you.”

Erwin smiled down at him. “Whether or not they forced you to, I appreciate that from you.” He chimed. His charisma and quick forgiveness made Levi sick to his stomach.

“Yeah... That’s all I had to say, my tea is probably getting cold.” He deadpanned before turning away from Erwin and beginning to walk back towards the door. Erwin was only able to watch him in silence as he walked away for a short moment.

“Wait.”

Levi paused, turning his head back to look at Erwin. “Yes?”

“Will I be seeing you around here more often?” He asked, placing his hands into his pockets.

Levi genuinely wanted to smack his smile clean off of his face.

“Depends.” He quickly retorted before turning abruptly around and making his way back into the café. He could feel that annoying ass barista, Sasha, watching him out of the corner of his eye as he returned to the table where his friends were patiently waiting for him to report back. The three of them were right on top of him the second he sat down.

“How did it go?!” Hitch asked.

“Did you get his number?” Rico whispered.

Levi grimaced at the two of them and Petra laughed a little bit. “Fine, and no.” He murmured, grabbing his cup of tea and lifting it to his mouth.

Cold.

“I have to go, anyways. You three haven’t pulled out a single notebook or anything since you came here ‘to work’ and I told the guys at the animal shelter I’d come in at one-thirty.”

“Aw, okay.” Petra pouted a bit as Levi stood up, leaving his half empty cup of tea on the table. “When will you be home tonight?” She asked him before he could head out. He glanced off to the side for a moment, thinking of his schedule for the rest of the day.

“Umm... I’m gonna stay at the shelter until five thirty and then I have a meeting across town at six... I’ll be home close to eight.”

Only Levi and Petra knew what he meant when he said he was going to a meeting. She nodded. She had spent the past five years getting into the habit of keeping militant track of his whereabouts when they were not together.

“Sounds good, I’ll see you tonight!” She chimed. Levi nodded his head, the faintest hint of a smile crossing his face before he walked out of the coffee shop.


	4. connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi ironically ends up helping somebody when goes somewhere where he had initially set out to seek help for himself. Petra admits that she is concerned that he is forgetting to look out for himself as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit longer but i enjoyed writing it! we finally dig a little bit deeper into what's up with Levi and what he does on his own time :-)

The month of October cast an unfamiliar wave of chilly air over the city of Trost, yet it was tolerable enough that Levi was able to walk from the coffee shop to the animal shelter where he volunteered. The map on his phone made the walk seem a bit shorter than it actually was, yet he didn’t mind. He enjoyed the walk, especially since his mind was now occupied with a million different fleeting thoughts after the strange interaction he had just had with that man; Erwin.

_God, that was so fucking dramatic._

He kept his hands in his jean pockets as he made his way down the street, staring down at his boots with each step he took and only occasionally looking up to assess what street signs he was passing by. An aggravated grimace plagued his face as he resisted the temptation to smack his palm against his forehead as he replayed the recent interaction in his head, which never seemed to become any less embarrassing. He had caused such a scene, not only for his friends but also for Erwin and those two kids he was sitting with. Why was he sitting with those teenagers though? He had looked a few years older than Levi and they were definitely in high school.

Why did this matter? Why was he curious about him in the _slightest_ bit _?_

Levi hadn’t invested any time genuinely getting to know a single person since he had moved to Trost in August. Petra had brought home enough new friends or guys that he struggled to remember all of their names, and even though he spent a lot of time with Rico and Hitch, he only trusted them with the most surface-level knowledge regarding his personal life. Not only was he a huge introvert, but all of his walls were up, and they were up pretty high. He could be personable if he wanted to, but it was really only when he was around Petra and her closest friends. Levi was twenty-four years old. He was almost a year older than Petra because he had taken a gap year after graduating high school to work full time. He kept busy and he spent the majority of his time doing his own thing. Either he was volunteering at the animal shelter, working at his part-time job at a local thrift store, waking up at the crack of dawn to go for a run before it got too hot outside or busy on the street, painting in the studio space he had set up in his and Petra’s apartment or taking classes to try and get his master’s degree. He was working towards some odd combination of interior decorating and urban planning, but he was taking that very slowly. He would also be starting a paid internship at the beginning of the next calendar year, which he was very enthusiastic about because at the moment, he was just able to conjure up his rent by the skin of his teeth. He had been nagging at Petra for a while now to have either Rico or Hitch move in with them so it could be divided three ways.

“Hey, kid.” Levi turned and waved at the owner of the animal shelter; Nile, as he stepped into the establishment. Levi wished he had more authority around here because he was dying to renovate the place, even a little bit. Interior improvements weren’t anywhere near the top of the list of priorities of the people in charge, since they could barely afford to keep it open.

Although the shelter upheld the idea of finding the forever homes for animals that deserved a second chance, the aura of the building was extremely gloomy. It practically had the appearance of a miniature prison. Levi could hear the alarmed barking of multiple dogs as soon as they heard him open the front door in the lobby area.

The hardest pill for Levi to swallow was that it was a kill shelter. With the number of stray animals in the area or people deeming themselves incapable of caring for a pet because they could barely afford to live on their own, there were more animals coming in than they had space for.

Since he had been volunteering at the shelter, Levi had relentlessly pestered with the owner and some of the workers to increase the time they kept animals at the shelter. The animals initially had two months to get adopted from the day they were brought in, and they were now kept in the shelter for four. This nagging had initially pissed Nile off, and he would have told him to stop coming in, yet he barely had any help at all around the place.

“Hey.” Levi acknowledged Nile before making his way over to one of the rooms in the back, where he was welcomed by a plethora of meows as he opened the door. There were around 20 cats in the shelter at the time, and they seemed to get adopted pretty easily since they were less complicated to take care of than the dogs. He spent a few minutes making sure all of his feline friends had enough food and water before kneeling down at the largest cage near the far corner of the room.

Levi had named this cat Bird. Bird had been at the shelter for about two weeks after he had found her living in a back alley when he was walking home. She wore a little cast around her front paw because of a slight fracture that had been found in the bone on her leg. He felt guilty for bringing her here, but he knew he could not afford an animal given his current circumstances. She was clearly pregnant and one of the workers at the shelter had informed him that she was due to have the kittens any day now. Bird was a type of cat called a _Ragamuffin._ Levi absolutely hated that name. She looked nothing like a fucking ragamuffin, especially because Levi would make sure he brushed her long fur until it was smooth as silk. Bird liked Levi a lot. He would pat her and brush her gently, with one of those soft bristled combs instead of the wire ones. He made sure she looked perfect all the time. She was mostly white with a few grey and tan marks around her head, back and tail. He knew that there would probably be a waiting list to adopt the babies, yet nobody had shown any interest in Bird quite yet.

After spending some time with the cats and paying extra-special attention to Bird, he placed her back inside of her cage and walked in to the room where all of the dogs stayed. He was greeted by a series of barks and growls the moment he opened the door and walked into the room, yet all of the dogs who weren’t new to the shelter calmed down as soon as they acknowledged that it was Levi. He checked in on most of the dogs, replenishing their food and water and pausing for a minute to pat or play with some of those who seemed eager to see him, yet he stopped for a while when he got to the last cage in the room.

The only dog who hadn’t barked upon his arrival was a mix of a Rottweiler, German Shepherd and Australian Shepherd dog. His name was Abel and he had been at the shelter since the beginning of September. He had clearly been abused for he cowered in a corner at the sound of human footsteps or voices. The little tag with his name that was attached to his cage for potential adopters to see said that he was bad with children, bad with other dogs, bad with people, bad with just about everything. Levi ripped it off sometimes, but it always reappeared by the time he came back. Abel had originally come with a brother; Cain, who had since been adopted because of his more trusting and friendly temperament. He also assumed more physical features of the fluffy shepherd dogs, while Abel appeared more like a Rottweiler.

It took Abel a while to trust Levi. He would bark and growl whenever he tried to open his cage at first, yet Levi visited him every day, taking a small step each time. The dog gradually began to wag his tail at the sight of him, and he now looked excitedly forward to the walks around the neighborhood he took him on.

Levi smiled as he opened the cage and squatted down, hovering over the floor so he was at eye level with the dog. You could not pay him enough money to fully sit down anywhere in this building.

“Hey buddy!” His tone of voice was _polar opposite_ to the one he used when he was around other people. “I missed you, my sweet angel muffin.” He whispered to the dog as he wagged his tail, walking right up to Levi and stepping up on his knees with his front paws, attempting to lick him on the face.

Levi never let that happen. He loved Abel, but that was the line he never let the dog cross. He would pet his cheeks in a way that gently directed his nose away from his face. After a minute, he bounced back up.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He announced with an enthusiastic gasp, smiling at the enthusiastic dog with his mouth agape. Abel sat impatiently down, wagging his tail back and forth with his tongue hanging out of his mouth as Levi grabbed the collar and leash. “It’s a little chilly out today, but you have your coat on so it’s okay.” He said, referring to the canine’s long, black and tan fur. He spoke to Abel as if he understood English. After bending down to place the collar around the dog’s neck with the leash clasped on, the two made their way outside.

“We’ll be back.” Levi announced to Nile, who was doing some work on his laptop at the front desk. He waved passively at Levi as the man and the dog walked out of the building.

“I’ve had a pretty odd day, bud.” Levi always talked to Abel. Obviously, it was more so just him thinking out loud and pretending Abel understood him, yet he found it extremely cathartic nonetheless. He would vent this way, and sometimes use Abel as a pretend audience to prepare for tough conversations he needed to have.

“I didn’t like, _meet_ someone... But I met someone.” He exclaimed as they walked along beside each other. “I was actually pretty mean to him, but that’s because I always assume the worst from other people...” He looked down at the dog. “That makes two of us. My friends were telling me I have to try and be more of an optimist here and there. It’s not always easy though.”

He paused for a moment and looked onward. “I can be a bit of a cunt sometimes.” He murmured, arching his brows a bit from his own amusement yet his expression lacked emotion otherwise.

After about a half hour, Levi returned to the shelter. He would take a lot of the dogs outside, yet he spent an exceptionally long time with Abel. He was very attached to that dog, and figured he needed the attention the most. After going back and forth with the majority of the dogs that trusted him enough to take them out, Levi ended up in a cage with three new puppies that had come in this week. They were Labrador mixes that had been brought in by a local that found them behind a dumpster in a parking lot, yet they were far too young to have been permanently damaged by any trauma. There was no doubt that they would all be adopted within the week. He couldn’t help the fact that they were extremely cute and caused a significant increase in his levels of serotonin as they barked playfully and licked at his hands in between bouts of wrestling with one another.

By the time five-thirty rolled around it was becoming relatively dark outside, given that it was halfway through the month of October. Levi made sure to say goodbye to all of the animals before making his way out. He called an uber since he had to travel all the way to the other side of the city, yet he always made sure to have the car drop him off about a five-minute walk from the place where he was headed. This wasn’t a usual part of his Sunday routine, yet after his phone call the previous night, he was given an address to show up to at 6 pm.

After waiting for his uber outside and being driven across town, he walked the last few blocks to a community center. It was over by the elementary school in the schooling district and its multiple rooms served as a location for different meetings or events. Upon his arrival, he stood outside for a minute, fishing a half-empty pack of cigarettes out of his jeans pocket. He had gotten there a bit early, so he leaned up against the brick exterior of the building, making momentary eye contact with a few of the people who were walking in as he anxiously lit the cigarette and inhaled before breathing the cloud of smoke back into the air.

Five or so minutes passed before he tossed the cigarette butt onto the sidewalk, squishing it underneath his doc marten boot. He made his way into the community center where he saw a sizeable amount of plastic stacking chairs facing each other in a circular format. Most of the chairs were occupied and people were murmuring to one another, yet one man took quick notice of Levi the second he entered the spacious room.

“Hey!” He jumped up from his chair and walked up to Levi, placing a hand on his shoulder. He was around six feet tall and had flowy dirty-blonde hair that went very well with the bushy scruff on his face. He wore circular glasses and had a very crunchy, hippie-vibe going for him.

“Hi Zeke... Been a while, right?” He looked down, ashamed of his presence in the room.

“Hey, I’m glad you called, and even more proud that you showed up today. Why don’t you come take a seat with us?” His smile was soft as he gestured with his hand for Levi to follow him. The shorter man nodded and walked after Zeke, taking a seat in the chair beside the one familiar man in the room.

Once just about all of the chairs had been filled, Zeke leaned forwards in his chair, cupping his hands in his lap as he looked around at the group, patiently waiting for a lull in the conversation so he could begin. Silence gradually fell among them and everyone’s gaze oriented towards Zeke, whose mouth was slightly agape as he prepared to speak.

“Good evening everyone.” He finally exclaimed. “Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous.”

Levi glanced down at his feet for a moment. Zeke was Levi’s sponsor who he had been talking to since he started coming to AA meetings. He kept in contact with him during his last three years of undergrad, but no longer felt the need to reach out to his sponsor after graduating from college. He knew he needed to get back in touch with Zeke when he began to feel like relapsing last night and was thankful to learn that he was holding a group meeting in Trost, even though he lived in a more rural area about twenty-five minutes outside of the city.

“I’m happy you all could make it here tonight. This is a safe space for all of us to talk about our experiences, bounce some ideas off of one another and just be here for each other. What we’re going through is similar, yet different, and it’s important to know that nobody in this room should feel alone. Feel free to share as much or as little as you like, and please understand how hard it might be for some of us to talk about our situations, so please respect everyone’s privacy and don’t let information that is shared with you tonight leave this space.” He paused and looked around as a few members of the group gave him soft nods. “Would anyone like to begin?” He paused for a moment yet was suddenly interrupted as the door flew open before anyone could raise their hands.

“I’m late, I’m sorry!” A young man cried out from the doorway, walking briskly up to the group. He panicked when he did not see a chair immediately, yet one woman with the last empty seat waved her hand up to get his attention before patting at the seat of the chair with her hand a few times.

“Oh! Thank you so much.” He barreled over to the empty chair and slumped down, looking up as everyone in the group stared at him for a moment. He was clearly out of breath from running here.

“Good evening.” Zeke said politely. “It’s okay if you can’t be here at 6 pm sharp, everyone is welcome to come and go whenever they please. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with or able to do.”

The man nodded, his expression still nervous. “O-okay... I’m sorry for causing a disturbance.”

“No worries.” Zeke smiled. “I was just explaining to the group how this is a safe space for everyone to talk about as much or as little as they’re comfortable with, yet I’m asking that you please don’t share anything you learn in here with anyone who isn’t in the room right now.”

The man nodded. His facial hair was towing the line between a five-o’clock shadow and some genuine scruff on his chin, and his long dirty blonde hair was tied back into a disheveled half-bun. He wore a dusty brown Carhartt coat and a flannel underneath. He was relatively tall and had a slender build. Only a moment went by before he raised his hand, wanting to speak.

“Go ahead.” Zeke nodded towards him with a smile.

The man waved, looking around at everyone in the group. “Hi everyone... I’m Eld. I live in Trost, I’m twenty-three... And uh, I’m about twelve hours sober...” He admitted, a breath of nervous laughter escaping him as he looked down, his tone changing. “And, I really need help... The guy I live with, my best friend actually... Told me to come here tonight. I’m probably gonna lose my job and I don’t know how I’m supposed to help him with rent if that happens... And he’s got this new girlfriend and all, but I know he doesn’t even wanna spend a night at her place, cause he’s scared to leave me alone for too long, ya know?”

He was tapping his foot against the floor the entire time that he spoke, and he finally looked up at the group after a short pause. “I want to get better... I just, don’t know how to stop... I don’t have anything in life that I look forward to more than having a drink.”

Levi was absorbing everything the man had to say. He wished that when he was in college, he had taken the path this newcomer was; coming to this kind of group before it had been too late. He felt an unusual wave of protectiveness wash over him. He was only a year older than him, yet his experience seemed extremely similar to his own and he didn’t want him to continue to fall down the same hole he had spent the past five and a half years of his life trying to crawl out of. He raised his hand before anyone else in the room could.

“Yes?” Zeke gestured for him to speak.

Levi addressed the entire group first. “Hi, I’m Levi. I’m actually almost six years sober.” He started, his remark interrupted by a few gentle claps from the group. “Um, thanks...” He murmured, before turning directly over to Eld. “I almost died from an overdose during my first year at college, and I dragged my closest friend down with me. It’s a burden I’ve had to carry with me for a while, knowing that my needs have taken a lot away from her life.” He continued.

Petra was the _only_ person who knew what had happened to him during their freshman year. She was with him right before it happened, and she had never left his side since. “But, you need to see it in the glass half-full kind of way...” His voice was low as he mimicked some of what he had said to Erwin regarding his own actions earlier that day. “The fact that you have a friend who is encouraging you to come here instead of drinking alongside you and ignoring your struggle is something you shouldn’t take for granted. That’s a person who genuinely cares about you. Don’t let the fact that he’s trying to help discourage you. Use it as motivation to improve your circumstances, because he’s counting on you.”

Little did Levi know, the girlfriend of the friend Eld had just brought up happened to be Petra.

Eld nodded, a soft smile crossing his face as the nervous tapping of his foot came to a gradual pause, replaced by a soft bounce of his knee. “Thanks man...” Was all he murmured at first. “I appreciate it.”

“Thank you, Levi. Would anyone else like to share?” Zeke added, glancing around at the entire group. One man in the circle raised his hand and was called on, and the conversation continued on for around an hour and fifteen minutes.

* * *

A few of the people who had attended the meeting lingered as the crowd began to disperse, sharing contact information or thanking one another for being brave enough to open up. Levi had stayed behind to talk to Zeke, who a lot of the people approached to thank him individually for holding the meeting.

“Hey, I’m glad you came out tonight. You always have a way with the people who come by here pretty deep in a rut... But you didn’t really say anything about your own struggle you were having last night. Is everything okay now?”

Levi shrugged, crossing his arms and looking off to the side. “Eh... I know I wouldn’t have a problem with taking up space in the conversation if I knew I really needed it, but today was interesting... I haven’t thought about having a drink since this morning because I’ve been kinda preoccupied with something else all afternoon.”

“Is that so? With what, if you don’t mind me asking.” Zeke pondered.

Levi narrowed his eyes. “This sounds so fucking pathetic saying out loud, but this guy who I met earlier on- “

“Hey! Good for you, that’s new!” Zeke exclaimed, his expression lighting up as he nudged Levi by the arm. “Wanna tell me a bit about him?”

Levi hesitated for a moment, his gaze still averted away from the other man. “No, not really. Not yet, at least.” He paused before looking up at Zeke. “I’ve been coming to meetings on Thursday nights, usually. This isn’t the usual group of people I’m with, but it’s been good. I missed your energy in the room though.”

“Why don’t you start coming in here on Sunday instead? I saw you just moved into Trost a few months back. I missed having you around too... Plus, you know you don’t only have to reach out to me when you need to, if you ever want to catch up and talk about anything else in your life, I’d be more than happy to.”

A faint smile crossed Levi’s expression and he nodded, nudging Zeke back on the arm with a loosely closed fist. “Thanks. I’ll consider it. See you next week, maybe.” He exclaimed before turning to walk out the door. On his way out, he heard hurried footsteps following him to the exit. Spinning around at the sound of somebody hastily approaching him, Levi was surprised as his gaze met Elds’, the man standing only a few feet away from him.

“Hey.” Eld announced with a soft wave of his hand. “I really appreciated your advice back there... You seem pretty grounded, and I don’t have a ton of stability in my life.” He started, placing his hands in the pockets of his jacket and staring down at the floor, his foot shifting uncomfortably from side to side.

“Listen... I know this is gonna sound weird, and I get it if you’re really busy, or just don’t want to, but... I want you to sponsor me.” He finally admitted. Levi, whose expression had been extremely docile a moment ago, widened his eyes and looked up at Eld.

“Really?” Was all he could muster in that exact moment. Eld nodded. “I get if that’s too much for you or if it’s not your thing but... I could really use some help. I’m sure this will be enough for me at one point, but right now I know I can’t make it until next Sunday just to talk it out for an hour once a week...”

Levi had already pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Eld. “Put your number in. I’ll text you hey or something, so you know it’s me.” He deadpanned. “If there’s a point during the week where you feel like drinking just give me a call and we can talk about it.”

Eld looked down at him with a nervous smile across his face. “Can I call you right now...?” He admitted.

* * *

Levi and Eld ended up in the commercial area of Trost where a lot of the popular restaurants and shops were located. They sat down at a table at a place of Elds’ choice; a fancy ramen restaurant named _The Colossal Bowl._

“Are you trying to quit cold turkey...?” Levi asked Eld whose forehead was visibly glossed over with sweat, although the restaurant was a few degrees below room temperature.

“Well, this is honestly day one for me... Well, day zero, if you’re not counting ‘after midnight last night’ as ‘yesterday’ ... My housemate found me passed out on the kitchen floor when he got back with his girlfriend last night... I don’t remember this or meeting her, but I wanted to crawl into a hole when he told me the story this afternoon... She had left before I woke up which sucks, cause I wanted to apologize.”

Levi nodded, listening to everything Eld had to say as the blonde man took a meek sip from the water sitting in front of him. “I’m gonna try cold turkey... I feel like if I tried to do it gradually, I’m never gonna stop. For now, at least, I want to be at a point where I can have a drink with my friends and not end up in a back alley at five in the morning...”

“I mean, it’s a step that you’re aware of it. My wake-up call was waking up in the hospital one morning and not having a chance to say bye to any of my friends because I got put right into rehab for the next few months.” Levi admitted. He never talked about this stuff. The only reason he was explaining this to Eld was because he knew he needed help and he figured that if they were both just coming from an AA meeting, he would get the severity of the circumstances. “That would be a shame if you woke up in the fucking hospital as well.”

Eld was glancing down at the large bowl of soup that sat in front of his face, raising the large spoon out of the broth and taking a sip. “I’m sorry that happened to you...” He murmured, looking up at the man seated across from him. “And you said you’ve been sober since then, yeah?”

“Mhmm. I finished up college, my friend Petra has been a huge help for me the entire ti-“

“Hold up, is Petra like... about your height, short hair that’s kinda light brown...?”

“Yes...?” Levi narrowed his eyes. How the _fuck_ did everyone in this town know _exactly_ who everyone was except for him?

“Wow, small world.” Eld laughed for a moment, looking down at his bowl. “That’s who my guy Oluo has been going out with... He’s shown me pictures and talks about her a lot... I guess I met her last night... Or, she saw me... Passed out that is... But she seems great. Oluo likes her a lot. He’s usually more of the hookup type but he’s been acting differently since he started hanging out with her.”

Levi absorbed every word. He and Petra were fiercely devoted for one another and were always looking out for the other’s best interest. They knew everything about their pasts, what was going on in their lives in the present and the plans they had for their futures. He knew that he was here for Eld right now, but he couldn’t help but ask a few of the questions that rose to the front of his mind while they were still on the topic.

“Is that so?” He murmured, staring down at his bowl. “Tell me a bit about Oluo. I don’t want Petra going out with some loser that’s gonna hurt her in the end.” Eld nodded, suddenly a bit intimidated by the shift in Levi’s tone.

“Haha, I’ll make sure to tell him that if he fucks up with her, he’s going right on someone’s hit list he doesn’t wanna be on...” He joked, before glancing aside and thinking for a moment. “Yeah, he can be a bit dense when it comes to women cause his head can be a bit up in the clouds here and there... But he _really_ cares about the few people who are close to him. He has a good relationship with his family, loves his mom to death... He’s honestly had a bit of a change in attitude since he’s met Petra though. He seems a bit more grounded than usual. She’s got him on this kick of wanting to help others instead of just himself... He’s very goal-oriented.”

Levi nodded, taking in all of the information Eld was giving him. Petra had told him all about Oluo, but he was very curious to see what a third party wasn’t biased by the clouded mind associated with the honeymoon phase of a relationship had to say about him. The more he thought about it, the more determination he felt to help Eld out, especially now that he knew that Petra would be spending time around him. The more she became involved with Oluo, the more she was going to feel obligated to help him. He didn’t want her to be burdened with that a second time in her life. If she had met him last night in the condition that Eld had described, he was certain that it reminded her immediately of how Levi had been back in college.

“Petra’s an incredible friend. She’s the only person outside of AA that I talk about this kind of thing with. She’s a good person, make sure Oluo knows he shouldn’t take someone like her for granted. I haven’t met him yet but the moment I do I’m pulling him aside and giving him a piece of my mind.”

Eld laughed at that, partially because he was amused by how much of a short and angry stereotype Levi was upholding to a T. “He’d probably shit himself.” He joked before twirling his fork around some of the noodles and piercing it through a piece of teriyaki beef, lifting it to his mouth.

Levi arched his brows in a slightly judgmental manner as he grabbed onto some of the noodles out of his own bowl with a pair of chopsticks.

* * *

“Hey, how’d it go?” Petra asked as she heard the door opening. Levi had been out a lot later than he told her he would and she was beginning to grow slightly concerned when he didn’t get home until around ten at night.

“Good, actually.” He thought for a moment about whether or not he wanted to bring up Eld right away, but figured he’d rather explain it to her now than have some awkward interaction further down the line when they all happened to be in the same place at the same time. “I actually became someone’s sponsor. You know him.”

Petra furrowed her eyebrows in an inquisitive manner. She was curled up in the corner of the couch, her back resting against a large pillow placed between herself and the arm of the piece of furniture. At Levi’s comment she paused the episode of _Shameless_ that she was watching and looked over at him as he closed the door behind him and walked over to sit across from her on the other side of the couch.

“How so?” She asked, grinning a bit.

“His name was Eld.” Petra’s eyes widened and her mouth opened ever so slightly in surprise. “He said he lives with that guy Oluo you’re hanging out with, and he was wicked embarrassed cause he was passed out on the floor or some shit when you got back to his place...” Levi allowed himself to become sidetracked by another thought that suddenly popped into his head. “How was it, anyways? Last night. I only saw you for a few minutes at the coffee place today and never really had a chance to talk.”

Petra nodded. “Yeah, that’s Eld... I’m impressed that he was there today, actually! Oluo was telling me how he was going to try and convince him to go... He didn’t think he’d do it, though.” She looked over at Levi. “Obviously I didn’t bring up the fact that he might run into you there, but I thought it. It’s almost kinda funny how you two got acquainted though. Everything happens for a reason I guess.” She paused for a moment as she got a simple ‘yeah’ from Levi as a response.

“You’ve really been doing a lot for everyone _other_ than yourself since we moved here, you know? You’re at the shelter like five days a week, you’re helping that old man down at the thrift store to keep his place running cause he’s pretty much going senile, and now you’re sponsoring somebody. I’m really proud of you for that but... Are you thinking about yourself at all? What is it that _you_ need?” Petra exclaimed. Levi glanced uncomfortably aside.

“I’m not sure. I’m not trying to be some big name in this city, I’m kind of just keeping my mind occupied so I can feel less empty... I enjoy that temporary gratification of knowing I did the right thing. Even if it’s not for my own benefit.” He explained to her before a long pause. “You never told me how your night went.” He attempted to change the subject.

“It was good, actually. We met some of those people who were at the café at The Titan actually, which was a pretty nice place. The two people around our age worked there were really nice. That girl Sasha and I were having one of those ‘drunk girls in the club bathroom conversations’ and she then introduced us to everyone else... Connie and _Erwin_ were at the coffee shop, but there were two others that weren’t there today, Hanji and Mike.”

“Cool.” Levi paused for a moment, ignoring the teasing voice Petra had used when she mentioned the man he had snapped at, but hadn’t been able to get out of his mind for the rest of the day. “How long were you guys there until?”

“We stayed for a while, actually. We caught up with Sasha and Connie; the kid with the buzz cut, when they had a break and then we ended up sitting with the two of them and Erwin for a bit...” She paused, smirking over at Levi. “Sasha was mortified when we explained the little interaction that went on between you two. Erwin kinda summarized what you said though, that was nice of you.”

“Sounds like I’m a hot topic whenever I’m not in the room I guess?” Levi deadpanned, his eyes narrow and his expression thoroughly unimpressed. Petra only laughed. “C’mon, you really did stir the pot back there. You asked for it.” She teased. “Erwin stayed and sat with the three of us when the other two went back to work... We talked about his charity and a lot of the stuff we did and whatnot, I even brought up the animal shelter and he seemed very interested. He seems like a super nice guy; he was even telling us about how one of the kids he was sitting with earlier lives at his shelter, but he was considering becoming his legal guardian... He was helping the two of them out with some college application stuff.”

Levi sat and listened to what Petra had to say about the man he had met earlier. _That’s why he was sitting with those two kids._ The more she went on about how perfect and generous he was, the shittier he began to feel. “That’s nice.” Was all he murmured, his voice becoming progressively lower as he stared down into space.

“Oh, and Levi?” Petra finally broke the silence and he snapped his head back up to look over at his friend. “Hm?”

“He wanted me to give you this.” She said, handing him a tiny slip of paper that had been ripped off of a receipt or a notebook of some sort. Levi snagged the paper out of Petra’s hand and looked down at the 10-digit number that was written messily across the surface in blue pen.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” He sneered as he crumpled the piece of paper within his hand and placed it down on the coffee table in front of them.

“C’mon! Are you serious?!” Petra widened her eyes, her mouth agape in shock. “He told me he wanted to talk to you about the animal shelter! Even though I knew it was code for something else!”

“Yeah, exactly. I don’t have time for people with ulterior motives.” He crossed his arms, leaning further back into the couch cushion.

“I really don’t think he’s like that... Plus, if he’s actually just interested in business, think about the amount of awareness he could raise for the animal shelter! He didn’t even know it existed and he seems to know _everything_ about Trost... I’m sure a lot of the people who live here are in the same boat as him, and it would be a huge help if he started to promote it or something.”

“Do you know how bad of a look that would be for him? The fucking lord and savior of his community supporting a kill shelter?”

Petra rolled her eyes. “That’s the point! It’s not like he owns the place, he didn’t make that decision. It would show how important it is to him that the animals get adopted before they can be put down!”

“Yeah but it’s _not_ important to him.” Levi snapped at Petra, his town had become full of genuine annoyance at this point. “You said it yourself. He had no clue that the place even fucking existed. How can it possibly matter to him if that’s the case.”

Petra groaned out loud, tipping her head all the way back. “You can be so fucking impossible sometimes!” She snapped back before leaning forwards and grabbing the crumpled-up piece of paper that Levi had placed on the coffee table, strategically attempting to return it to its original state. When she finally unfolded it and tried to flatten it out in between her fingers, she set it on the center of the table facing upwards. “Can you at least think about it? And try to be open minded. Think of how this might be really good for the shelter _and_ for you...” She explained, her tone becoming a bit more sing-songy for the latter half of her remark. “Leave that there. Don’t throw it out unless you decide that the absolute _best_ option for everyone in this situation is that you don’t get in contact with him... and that includes that dog Abel you keep telling me about.” After she spoke, she arched her spine backwards and stretched her arms out in front of her with her fingers interlaced, before slowly rising from her seated position and stretching her arms up for a second time over her head. “I’m off to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.” She announced before walking over to her bedroom, slowly closing the door behind her.

Levi was left sitting on the couch on his own, his eyes fixated on the piece of paper in front of him that had Erwin’s phone number written on it. It took staring blankly at it for a sufficient amount of time, weighing out his options before he finally reached over and grabbed it. He looked at it for a moment as he held it up in front of his face, opening his phone in his other hand and heading over to the messages app. Tapping the ‘new message’ button at the top of his screen, he began to type in the numbers on the piece of the paper as the recipient.

The numbers turned from green to blue after he typed in the last digit. _Thank god, he’s not one of those android weirdos._ Levi thought to himself. If that had been the case, he would have had to explain to Petra his dramatic excuse for not texting him, which would have been that he saw his lack of an iPhone as a red flag.

* * *

Erwin was seated comfortably on the couch in his sufficiently large apartment that had two vertical windows that looked out onto the street. He lived in what had the likeness of a brownstone that was on the same main street where the commercial area was, yet he lived far enough down that it had shifted into a residential neighborhood. Hanji and Mike had come over for a few hours that evening, and he had spent the past half an hour since they left checking his email and catching up on any work-related matters he might have missed earlier.

His hasty typing was interrupted as his cell phone suddenly buzzed, the screen lighting up from where it was resting by his side. Erwin glanced over at it, moving his laptop from his lap to the coffee table and picking it up. Most of his notifications like news articles he had silenced, so he knew this message was of _some_ relevance if it was from something he deemed important enough to leave the sound on for.

He was slightly taken aback by the message he read underneath the notification from an unknown number.

[10:43 pm] hey it’s levi

He hesitated for a moment as he stared down at the message before a smile crept across his face. He quickly opened his phone, typing up a short response.

[10:44 pm] Hey Levi! It’s Erwin, I’m glad Petra got my number to you. How are you?

Just as Erwin sent the message, he shut his phone off and slapped his palm against his forehead. _Of course he knows it’s you, stupid._

He winced as he stared back at his phone screen for a few minutes, nothing changing until his eyes glanced down at a little text that popped up underneath the message he had sent.

[Read 10:47 pm.]


	5. moving forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Jean and Erwin give Marco a lot to think about.

Erwin sighed as he stood up, grabbing the three wine glasses that Hanji, Mike and himself had previously been drinking from and gradually left spread about the coffee table. He figured that maybe by the time he had cleaned his apartment up a bit and got ready to go to sleep, Levi would have texted him back.

He placed all three glasses face-down in the dish washer before heading back to the couch and looking over any last emails he had to respond to, all while occasionally glancing over at his phone out of the corner of his eye to see if it lit up. He nearly flinched when it finally did, grabbing the device and looking at the message immediately.

Marco Bott

[10:54 pm] Thanks again for helping me and Jean earlier :) See you tomorrow!

Erwin smiled at the message for a moment, although he was a little bit dismayed because he expected it to be from someone else. He placed his phone back on the couch, this time turning it so that the screen was facing downwards. After a few minutes he hit send on his final email and closed his laptop, standing up to walk over to his bathroom.

He spent about 10 minutes in the shower before getting out and brushing his teeth. His entire apartment had a very minimalist energy to it, partly because of his poor judgement when it came to putting up decorations. It looked nice, nonetheless, just pretty much in the exact condition it had been in when he had signed his lease.

With just a towel wrapped around his waist, he walked back over to the couch and picked his phone up to bring with him and plug in on his nightstand. He turned the device around to face him as he grabbed it from where it was resting on the sofa, a wave of defeat immediately crashing over him as he saw he still had no new messages.

A soft grimace crossed over Erwin’s face as he opened his phone so he could set an alarm for seven o’clock the following morning. He had a few important meetings the next day, a class to teach and some pretty substantial news he wanted to tell Marco after he got out of school. Walking over to his bedroom, he tossed his phone over onto his bed and unwrapped the towel from his waist, placing it on top of his head and kneading it around to dry his hair off for a moment. He then walked over to place the towel in his laundry basket before opening the top drawer of his dresser and grabbing a pair of boxers that he stepped into.

It was late, but Erwin was much more of a night owl than a morning person. If left to his own devices he would probably go to sleep sometime after two in the morning and wouldn’t wake up until around noon. His lifestyle didn’t permit that, yet he had grown restless as Levi’s blatant inability to respond to him was starting to become a bit more aggravating. He reached onto the surface of his dresser and grabbed the last cigarette from a pack that was resting there, his lighter and lastly his cellphone that he had just thrown aside. He walked back into the kitchen and opened the dishwasher, pulling one of the wine glasses back out and rinsing it off in case it wasn’t the one he had been using. After drying the piece of glassware, he grabbed the half-empty bottle of red wine that was still sitting on the kitchen table, pouring in the deep crimson liquid until it filled the glass about halfway.

He lit the cigarette and set his lighter down on the counter, taking a long and thorough inhale as he pressed it to his lips before letting it sit between his pointer and middle fingers of the same hand he was using to hold the wine glass. He walked over to the big windows of his apartment that looked on at the street, a few cars still passing by on occasion. Staring onwards, he eventually opened the phone that he had in his free hand and went to look and see if that annoying ass read receipt from Levi was still there.

He was surprised to see a little light grey bubble with three dots.

[11:29 pm] i still feel like shit about earlier.

[11:29 pm] can i make it up to you?

Erwin sat his glass down on a small, circular dining table that was right by the windows. He took another puff from the cigarette between his fingers and contemplated a response. He felt like a child, doing this, yet a wave of relief had washed over him as soon as he knew he wasn’t being ignored.

[11:31 pm] Dinner tomorrow? On me :)

[11:32 pm] i’m busy sorry.

Erwin narrowed his eyes, a little confused by how contradictory the two messages he received were. He also felt like a total loser for sending a smiley face right off the bat, only to be instantly rejected. He grabbed the glass from the table and took a long sip as he thought about what to say for a moment.

[11:35 pm] No worries. We’ll figure something out.

[11:37 pm] ok, goodnight.

Erwin stared at the message for a moment before placing his phone down on the little table and taking another sip from the glass, setting it back down afterwards and pressing the cigarette to his lips as he stared out the window, his expression neutral.

The last time he had been seriously involved with someone was almost three years ago. When he was twenty-four, he was just starting to get more involved with the community of Trost beyond staying in touch with people he had known from high school who still lived in the city. When he first started working at the food pantry, he met this guy that he went out with for about a year, yet that situation crashed and burned when Erwin had gone through his phone and discovered that he was one of _many._

He kind of shut himself off to relationships after that. He didn’t fall into any sort of depression or shut down as a person overall, he simply directed his concerns elsewhere. He started teaching and continued to volunteer, while the man he had been seeing had thankfully stopped showing up a few months prior to their relationship ending.

It sounded tacky, but he grew to devote himself to and be passionate about his community in place of a person. He would leave with people on occasion when he went out with Hanji and Mike on the weekends, but he didn’t make a habit of it, partially due to the fact that he was a pretty big name within the community and had a bit of a reputation on the line.

His irregular endeavors often involved heavy consumption of alcohol followed by waking up with a throbbing headache next to a complete stranger whose name he couldn’t remember.

It also took almost a year of this ex-boyfriend texting him on infrequent occasions as if he genuinely cared what he was up to, somehow managing to invite himself over and dragging Erwin back down for one night only to vanish the next day before Mike and Hanji finally intervened, convincing Erwin to cut the cord entirely.

Over the past year, there had been nothing though. After he had opened the shelter, got more involved with teaching and was becoming involved with multiple other local businesses, he was swamped enough with work and figured that he didn’t want to spend meaningless time with meaningless people. He had also been exposed to enough different personalities by this point that he had obtained a better grasp on what to avoid.

About ninety-percent of Trost’s twenty-something population fit under that category.

He wasn’t lonely. He was surrounded by great friends like Hanji and Mike and was also really close to Connie, Sasha and Marco. He knew that the issue wasn’t that he didn’t have time for a relationship, it had just been a long time since he had come across someone he knew he wanted to devote his time and emotions to.

He found himself perplexed by the fact that his brief text message interaction with Levi had sent all of these thoughts flooding through his mind. He had only met him once, and that one interaction was remarkably hostile. Nonetheless, his temperament was unique and after he had left the shop earlier, Petra and the other girls had explained to him how Levi really did so much for other people all the time.

He could tell, though, that at least one of them was leaving something out.

Erwin remembered that Petra said she had known Levi for over six years; since they had just started attending undergrad.

There was no way her knowledge about him was as close to the surface as she made it seem. There was something that he knew she could not tell him, especially as a practical outsider.

His speculations only fueled his determination to learn more about the newcomer to Trost.

* * *

The following morning brought more pressing matters to the front of Erwin’s mind. Since he was teaching a history class at the community college that day at 11:20 in the morning, he had to schedule a meeting with a lawyer well before that began.

He was presenting to the court why he was qualified to become Marco’s legal guardian.

He had no plans to sign any paperwork on that day. It was a Monday, so Marco was at school as Erwin made his way down the street, towards the court building. He was formally dressed for the event, wearing a pair of blue plaid pants that were held together with a black belt, a white button-up shirt and brown dress shoes. A dark blue tie that fit into the same color family as the pants hung from his collar, and his blonde hair was slicked neatly back.

He hadn’t even told Marco about his plans to apply as his legal guardian. He had been pondering the thought for a while and had finally come to the conclusion that it was the right thing for both of them. If things still looked promising after the meeting, he was going to tell Marco after school and ask him how he felt about it, because he didn’t want to get his hopes up about taking him into his custody if it seemed like an unlikely option.

He stepped into the large building in the business district of Trost. He adjusted his tie as he stood in the elevator, traveling up three flights before walking down the hall in search of the correct suite, checking in with the front desk receptionist upon his arrival.

“Alright, you’re all set, Mr. Smith. We’ll call your name when you’re ready to be seen.” He nodded, walking over to the waiting area and sitting down in a chair. He rested a manila folder in his lap, tapping his foot quietly as he looked around the spacious lobby.

After about five minutes, he spun his head around at the sound of his name being called from a short distance away.

“Erwin Smith?” A female voice announced, and he stood up, walking right up to the woman who had called on him. “It’s a pleasure.” He exclaimed, extending out a hand with a soft smile. She grasped his hand in return and shook it once, before gesturing her hand down the hall. “Nice to meet you. Why don’t you follow me?” She suggested, leading him into a small office and closing the door behind her. There was a wooden table in the middle of the room, boasting six spinning chairs; two on each side and one at either head of the table. She sat down at the head and Erwin pulled back the chair on the side of the table closest to the woman.

“So, you’re here because you’re interested in claiming custody over...” She had already printed out some documents of her own, which she scanned over for a moment. “Marco Bott... 17 years old. He’s in high school?”

“Yes.” Erwin exclaimed. “A senior. He’s going to college in the fall and I am helping him pay his tuition. He’s been homeless and living at the shelter I run for five months now.”

She nodded. “And you would consider yourself to be financially stable?”

“Yes.”

“Good. And are you competing with anyone else for custody over Marco, or is this because Marco has nowhere else to stay?”

“Correct, his parents disowned him. They cut him off entirely. I attempted to reach out to them via email a few times, never got a response.”

“So, the biological parents have no involvement with the child... I see.” She paused, flipping through some of the papers attached to her clipboard. “Have you ever been arrested, Mr. Smith?” She finally asked, glancing up at him.

A soft smile crossed Erwin’s face. “No ma’am. Star citizen.”

She did not laugh or smile. A simple nod was all Erwin got as a response.

“And are you coming here on your own because you’re single, or is there a partner you live with that we should be aware of and setting up and interview with if they are going to be involved with caring for Marco at all?”

“Nope, just me.” Erwin exclaimed.

“Perfect...” She drew the word out for a while. “You’ve never been, and aren’t currently in serious debt, and you’ve completed at least a high school education?”

“Nope. And I have my bachelor’s degree.”

“Alright, that seems like it will suffice...” She deadpanned, adjusting her glasses as she took a final glance at her clipboard before finally setting it down on the table, as well as her hands. She looked over at Erwin. “Well, all signs from this meeting with you seemingly point to yes. If you’re serious about proceeding with this, I’m going to need to get you some paperwork and you will need to set up a court date to plead your case. You will also need at least two witnesses who have spent an adequate amount of time with you and Marco who can testify why you are qualified.”

Erwin nodded, and she stood up before walking over to her desk and printing a few things out. “Here.” She called. Erwin shot right up and walked over to where she was handing him a pen and a sheet of paper that she had attached to a clipboard.

“This is a consent form. If and when you do decide to proceed with a court date, you will need to find an attorney and this form is giving us permission to complete a thorough background check on your academic and legal records. There is also a high chance that DSS will stop by to do a home examination at some point. Nothing suspicious gonna turn up and contradict what you told me in here?” She explained to him, her tone stern.

Erwin simply nodded. “I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.” He announced as he grabbed the clipboard and signed his name and the date, handing it back to her.

“Perfect. I believe we’re all set here, Mr. Smith. You’re free to check out at the front desk and then you’re free to go.”

“Thank you, this means a lot to me.” Erwin beamed, a smile across his face as he turned to walk out of the office, making his way down the hall and approaching the receptionist to check himself out.

Erwin felt as if he were on cloud nine as he walked out of the building and headed over to the parking lot where he stepped into his car, pressing the button-ignition and pulling out onto the street. He was now headed to Trost Community College where he taught undergraduate classes. He stopped by the coffee shop on his way because he had about an extra hour until the class began. Neither Connie, Sasha, Armin or Marco were behind the counter today because they were all at school, yet he was still greeted by a familiar face as he walked into Sawney’s.

“Hitch?!”

“Good morning, mister Erwin. You look fancy today!” The girl exuberantly chimed out. “Today’s my first day! I figured I had the time in my schedule for a second job, especially cause they really need people who can work while the kids are at school! What can I get for you?” She asked as if she had any idea how to make what Erwin was about to ask for. A more experienced worker that Erwin hadn’t met before seemed to be the one making all the drinks after Hitch took the orders up front.

“That’s great to hear! Just try not to work too hard.”

“Says you.” She teased.

“Fair point... I’ll get a medium iced americano with soy milk. And for the record, in case Sasha hasn’t filled you in yet, that’s my order every time.”

“Gotcha.” Hitch nodded as she struggled to find the right buttons on the little computer screen in front of her to type in his order, letting out an audible “ah!” when she finally came across it. “Okay, two ninety-five for that.” She announced as Erwin surrendered his debit card over to her, which she swiped through the machine before handing it back to him.

“You’re all set.” She started, before looking up. “You were telling us yesterday about some custody thing with that kid who works here but also lives at your shelter... Marco, right? Was that today?”

Erwin nodded, his expression lighting up. “I’m just coming from that, actually. Things are looking pretty good. I haven’t told him my plan exactly, though. Since it seemed to go pretty well in there, I’m actually gonna meet back in here with him later this afternoon to fill him in.” His tone was enthusiastic as he explained the situation to Hitch.

“That’s great!” Hitch beamed. “I’m sure he’ll be stoked to hear this, honestly... If my parents told me to fuck off, I’d want you to be my pretend dad for sure!” The two laughed at that for a moment.

“Thanks, Hitch. It means a lot hearing that from you.” The blonde smiled at the girl behind the counter before glancing at the line forming behind him out of the corner of his eye. “I’ll see you around.”

“For sure!” Hitch giggled as Erwin walked off to the side and waited for the other worker to hand him his drink. Once he received his cup of coffee, he thanked the two of them a second time and made his way out of the café, almost slamming right into the person who was walking in at the same time.

They both jolted back instantly, and Erwin widened his eyes as his gaze was met by that same frightening silvery stare he had become so mesmerized by the previous day.

“Oh! Good morning Levi.” He stammered, grabbing onto the door and holding it open before taking a step back so the shorter man could walk in. He was wearing a gigantic and worn-looking blue denim jacket over an oversized light grey sweater with a v-cut neck that exposed a more tight-fitting black turtleneck underneath, the sweater tucked into a pair of dull olive-green pants that were pulled higher up by a belt. His teeny cat eye wing of eyeliner was a chromatic gunmetal grey instead of the usual black, which Erwin was fascinated by.

Erwin made note of one of the silver necklaces he was wearing with a dainty pendant that looked remotely like a fancy lowercase letter ‘N.’

“Morning.” Levi assessed the appearance of Erwin’s outfit from head to toe before finally reverting his gaze back to his face. “You look like you work at a miserable nine to five in a cubicle that makes your knees cramp up.” He blurted out before walking past him, although he didn’t get far since the line was close to the door at this point. Erwin mouthed “wow” and widened his eyes in disbelief when Levi wasn’t looking at him, yet he walked right back up to him after a moment.

“I don’t think I’d have time to waltz in here at ten forty-five in the morning if I worked a _nine_ to _five_ , would I?” He questioned, arching a brow. Levi turned his head around, surprised to see that Erwin had walked back up to him. Because of the dramatic difference in their heights, he had to crane his neck up a bit to make direct eye contact with the other man.

“Okay, then explain the get-up. You sure didn’t look like that yesterday. Or do you just get all business-casual here and there to go fishing for compliments?”

Erwin rolled his eyes, smiling off to the side before looking down and shaking his head from side to side. “You love to torture me, don’t you?” He joked before looking down at him. “No, I was actually just meeting with a lawyer about getting custody over this kid whose parents kicked him out, and I’m on my way to teach a class.” He corrected Levi, feeling as though he was now explaining his schedule for the millionth time.

Levi remained silent for a moment. Erwin was trying to get custody over a kid? He then remembered Petra mentioning that to him the previous night. Nonetheless, he suddenly felt a million questions flood his mind that he wanted to ask the man standing in front of him.

“That’s neat. Have fun being a pseudo-dad.” Was all that he actually said.

“I like this, by the way. Is that someone’s initial?” Erwin changed the subject, looking down at the necklace Levi was wearing and pointing towards himself at the spot where it would have rested on his own collarbone.

“Hm?” Levi looked down, a bit confused for a second yet it finally registered in his mind that Erwin was referring to his star sign necklace. “Oh, that. No stupid it’s a zodiac. Stop living under a rock.” He corrected Erwin in the meanest way he possibly could, yet Erwin only laughed and inhaled sharply. “Hey! I know a thing or two about....” He thought for a moment. “Astrology.” He spoke, the word coming out slow enough to reveal that he was uncertain of whether or not he was saying the right thing.

“You thought this was a letter.”

“Tell me that doesn’t look like the letter N!”

Levi opened his mouth to continue giving Erwin a hard time when he suddenly heard his name being called out from behind the counter.

“Hitch? What the fuck are you doing here?” He began to walk over to her yet paused, turning back to Erwin. “Thanks for almost running me over in the doorway.” He sneered before turning back to where Hitch was eagerly waiting for him on the other side of the counter.

Erwin didn’t have time to respond as Levi walked away from him. He simply shook his head and took a deep exhale as he walked back to the doorway, this time making sure nobody was walking in at that moment before he finally headed out.

* * *

Marco got out of school at 2:30 in the afternoon and then spent an hour in the library to catch up on some extra work. It wasn’t like a college library that was opened until the late hours of the night and was more so at the jurisdiction of the students; it only stayed opened until 3:30 when the women at the front desk decided that it was enough time. It served as more of a place for students to spend if they couldn’t get picked up right away or to fill an awkward gap between the final bell and an after-school activity that didn’t start for a little bit.

Marco liked to stay there because it was nearly impossible to complete homework at a place like the shelter. He shared a bedroom with three other kids, and there was never a moment of silence. He was obviously thankful that he had _somewhere_ to sleep, yet for a senior in high school trying to keep up with his homework and college applications on top of that, he needed an environment where he could really hone in on his studies.

Jean drove him around most days because Marco did not have a car. After the school librarians reminded the last few remaining students to pack their things up when 3:30 rolled around, Marco shoved his notebook and laptop into his bag and get up, swinging the strap around his shoulder as he walked out the front door and over to the athletic field. He made his way over to the bleachers where he sat down, looking onto the turf where Jean and the other members of his soccer team were practicing. A few people scattered the bleachers, yet they were relatively empty since there wasn’t a game going on or anything.

Marco spent the next hour and a half going back and forth between watching Jean play on the field with stars in his eyes and pulling out his laptop and working on something with a look of sheer determination.

By the time it got to five o’clock, Marco had become so fixated on the psychology study guide he was creating in a google doc which was shared with a few classmates that he didn’t notice Jean approach him until he placed a hand on his shoulder, sitting down next to him.

Marco flinched and turned to face him, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend. He wore training sneakers and calf-length athletic socks, running shorts and had slipped a hooded Trost Soccer sweatshirt on over the t-shirt he had been practicing in. Some of his hair curled a bit at the ends from the sweat that caused some strands to cling to the sides of his face.

“Hey~” Marco chimed, slightly embarrassed that he had failed to even look up during the latter half of Jean’s soccer practice. “How was practice?”

“Pretty good! This kid, Eren, he’s a sophomore, says he’s friends with that blonde kid you work with.”

“Oh yeah, Armin! Those two are at the shop all the time doing homework and stuff. I had no idea he played, is he any good?”

Jean shrugged. “Yeah, he’s a bit hasty though. Always tries to score goals on his own, he’d be great if he wasn’t trying to be the hero out there all the time and trusted some of us guys a bit more with assists.”

“Got it.” Marco nodded as he slipped his belongings into his bag and zipped it shut. He was glad Jean played soccer and not football. He was able to follow when he talked about different terms like offense, defense, assists and whatnot, but that was about it. He’d be completely lost if Jean even attempted to explain football to him.

Jean wrapped his arm possessively around Marco’s shoulder as they both stood up from their seated positions on the bleachers. Marco was an inch or two taller than Jean, yet Jean had a much bigger and louder personality.

“We’ve got a game, Friday night. Can I expect my number-one fan to be there?” He asked, smizing over at the freckly-faced individual walking beside him on his arm. “This is a pretty big one too, winner makes it a step further towards the state championship, loser is done for the rest of the season. Me and the guys are gonna throw a huge party afterwards if we win.”

Marco laughed and rolled his eyes as they walked along towards the parking lot where Jean’s car was one of the last few remaining vehicles scattered about the open area.

“You do remember we have to be up early on Saturday morning cause Erwin’s taking us on those tours, right? He said he’d let us sleep at his apartment in the guest room or something if we wanted to the night before.” Marco reminded Jean, glancing sheepishly aside as they approached Jean’s practically ancient Nissan Altima. 

“Ah shit, you’re right. Okay. Why don’t we stop by the party for a little bit and carry around water bottles that have _actual_ water in them, so we don’t feel like shit on our tours... You’re right that Erwin is doing us such a huge favor.”

“Okay, sounds fair. What’s gonna happen on Friday if you guys lose?”

Jean thought about a moment, looking up at the sky as he reached over to grab his keys out of his backpack. “Um. If that’s the case it will probably just be me and the guys getting stoned so we don’t think about it.”

“Seems fitting.” Marco nodded and opened the door to the passenger seat as soon as Jean unlocked the car. He set his bag by his feet, looking over at the other boy as he got into the driver’s seat and turned the key into the ignition. “I’m dropping you off at Sawney’s, right?”

“Yeah. I’m meeting with Erwin for a minute, he said he wanted to talk to me about something. He said it wasn’t about college though.”

Jean’s expression became a bit more serious as he turned to face Marco, wrapping his arm around the top of the passenger seat. “You have any idea what it’s about?”

“No clue.”

“Hm.” Jean nodded, slightly perplexed. He paused for a moment, glancing down at the steering wheel. “Hey, um... Do you wanna hang out later?” He finally stammered out, hesitating to glance over at Marco, his expression plagued with an awkward smile when he finally did.

Marco blinked once, pondering the thought. Of course he wanted to hang out with Jean. He wanted to hang out with Jean in his bedroom when his parents weren’t home. He wanted to hang out with Jean in the back seat of his car. He wanted to hang out with Jean in the boy’s locker room at school after everyone else had left.

Marco and Jean hung out all the time at school, at the café, at the library, out to dinner, at the parties he and his team had after they won a game.

But they had never _hung out_ in a sense where the phrase ‘hanging out’ didn’t necessarily stand for hanging out.

Marco knew he and Jean hadn’t made any plans to go anywhere or do anything and was curious to know if that’s what he finally met, and it was painful for him to pry out the response he finally gave.

“You know how busy my week is. I have a big psych quarterly on Thursday and both an AP English essay and an environmental science test on Friday... I really can’t waste any time this week.”

Jean went silent at that.

_Waste time? Was he a waste of time to Marco...?_

“Ok, I get it.” Jean murmured out as he finally shifted the car into drive. The two were almost silent as he drove Marco down the road to Sawney’s, which was about 10 minutes from the high school.

“Thanks~” Marco chimed, smiling at Jean for a moment and leaning in to kiss him softly on the mouth for a moment. He wished it was more than a moment though. He wanted it to start and never end. He wanted it to last so long he lost track of time and melted into it until he was a puddle in Jean’s hands.

Nonetheless, he pulled immediately back and grabbed his bag, waving as he opened the door and got out of the car.

Jean watched as Marco walked over to the front door of the café. His steps were light and bouncy, and Jean had grown to become obsessed with it. He took slow, swaying steps that opposed Marco’s stride as dramatically as night and day. He couldn’t get enough of his shy, freckly, sweet boyfriend, and he had been thinking the same thing Marco was when he attempted to ask if he wanted to hang out.

It was senior year. Some of the guys on the team had girlfriends, others had gotten into the habit of comparing stories about a new addition to their ‘body count’ with one another. Jean was the only kid on the soccer team who was gay, and pretty much the only one in the senior class at least, who had never had sex. His teammates didn’t give him a hard time for being gay; they respected him because he was one of the co-captains, an incredible player and strategist, and was extremely extroverted which made him enjoyable to be around. Jean being gay was never something that stuck out when they were just hanging out as teammates. Sex was the one thing he couldn’t necessarily _relate_ to when talking with the other guys though, which left room for a little bit of a divide.

Jean’s biggest fear was pressuring Marco into doing something he didn’t want or was afraid of, yet the constant exposure to locker room talk, even though he hated it, had managed to cause a spike in his curiosity.

He sat in his car for a moment, pondering whether or not Marco thought about it the way he did. Was it mutual or was it just him? He figured that if the tension continued to grow for much longer, he was going to ask him about it straight out.

* * *

“Hey kiddo~” Erwin greeted Marco as the boy skipped into the store, setting his bag down beneath the chair he slumped down into. He had grabbed a spot at one of the tables near the corner of the shop. It was a little after 5 pm, so it wasn’t too crowded with people ordering, people were utilizing the space more so as a spot to complete some work.

“Hey Erwin! How was your day?” Marco asked in his usual bubbly tone, yet he couldn’t shake the odd interaction that had just occurred between him and Jean from his mind.

“Not bad.” Erwin paused, smiling over at the teenager as he sat down at the table across from the tall blonde. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you, though. I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while and I figured I’d ask you how you felt about it.” His tone had gotten a little lower and Marco’s heart jumped. He genuinely had no idea what Erwin was meaning to ask him and was beginning to grow worried that he was about to receive some bad news.

“I want you to be totally honest with me, though, Marco. If you’re uncomfortable or disagree with this idea, don’t be afraid to tell me.”

Marco nodded. His expression had gone to stone with the exception of wide eyes.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a few months now...” Erwin started. “I know I’m able to put a roof over your head at the shelter, and I’m more than happy to help out with your college tuition, but... I’ve been considering possibly making the roof over your head _my own._ ” He continued.

Marco’s eyes widened further.

“I had a meeting today... With a lawyer. It wasn’t to make anything official or sign any documentation of any sort... I just saw someone to see if I was even fit to consider applying as your legal guardian.” He paused to see if Marco would say anything. Looking over at the boy, he seemed stunned into silence and only responded to Erwin with a quick nod and an eager “mhm!”

“I’d be more than happy to take care of you on my own, outside of the shelter. You’re like a little brother to me and... It would be nice that you’d be able to use a real _home_ address on all of your college applications, right?” He smiled. “The guest room in my apartment can become yours... You already sleep there a few nights a month... And you can decorate it however you want. You can put up as many posters as you like... We can even paint it together if you want!”

Erwin dialed back, he had predicted Marco would be as eager as he was, yet he knew it was wrong of him to try and heighten his senses with excitement and lead him away from level-headedness regarding the matter.

Marco’s eyes were sparkly and a big smile had crossed his face when he finally spoke. “You’d really do that for me?!” He inquired. Erwin nodded, yet the teenager’s smile faded almost as quickly as it had appeared on his face.

“I... That’s all I’d ever want, that would mean the world to me, being able to live with you... You’re more of a parent to me than my real ones are...” His voice stammered as he glanced awkwardly aside. “But, isn’t it unfair to the other kids at the shelter...? Would they feel less important, because they’d think you picked a favorite...?”

Erwin had thought about this. He simply leaned in a little bit towards Marco.

“I am working every single day to make sure that everyone over at the shelter feels loved and important and cared for... The least I can do is provide a roof over their heads and get into contact with local employers to make sure they have jobs, but that’s about all that I’m able to do for them with my schedule. That’s all I was able to do for you in the beginning, but you managed to position yourself as such an important person in my life, you have become so special to me that I no longer consider you one of the kids from the shelter, I look at you as my own, Marco. And maybe that does sound like I’m picking favorites, but you’re dedicated, hardworking, smart and kind... You know what you want out of life and I want to be the one that helps you get there.”

Marco nodded, glancing back at Erwin. “I would like that... More than anything.” He softly said to him, a smile returning to his face.

Erwin nodded. “Okay. It may take a while for this to become official on paper, but you can move in whenever you feel comfortable. It can be tonight, next week, next month... Whatever you want.”

Marco could hardly contain the beaming smile that continued to creep up on the corners of his mouth, his knee bouncing as his feet rested on the floor. He didn’t have many belongings. When he had been kicked out of his house, his room had been decorated the way it was when he had last redone it at age twelve. He didn’t want any piece of that place or that version of him to follow him as he continued to progress through life.

“Tomorrow.” Marco announced.


	6. acquainted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Levi finally have an opportunity to get to know one another, yet Levi is hesitant to give Erwin any more than minor details about his personal life.

“Did you end up texting him?”

Petra finally addressed the elephant in the room when she got home from work on Monday night. She and Levi were cooking dinner together and had been catching up on the events of their individual days when she figured she’d mention Erwin.

“Yeah.”

Petra rolled her eyes as she added more red pepper flakes to the stir-fried vegetables that were simmering in a large pan in front of her. “And?”

“I said I was sorry for being a dick and that I’d make it up to him. But then he asked me if I wanted to get dinner and I told him I was busy even though- “

He was cut off by Petra beginning to laugh so hard that she let out a few aggressive snorts.

“You’ll make it up to him?!” She began to erupt in short bouts of laughter. “That’s like the beginning of every porno there is...” She smized, turning over to look at Levi, whose facial expression had become thoroughly unimpressed.

“Oh... I’m _so_ sorry I was mean to you sir... Tell me how I can _make it up to you..._ ” Petra acted out, her tone of voice dramatic and sultry. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter.” Levi growled as he opened up one of the cabinets and began to look around.

“All I’m saying is don’t be surprised if he starts coming onto you pretty strong after you said something like that...” Her laughter calmed down and she let out a profound sigh. “I’m sorry... Finish your story.

Levi rolled his eyes as he grabbed a small container of chopped peanuts and a box of uncooked pad-thai noodles. “I didn’t wanna get dinner with him tonight. I don’t know... It just didn’t feel right, forcing myself into one on one time with this literal stranger.” He explained as he poured a little less than half of the box into a small pot of boiling water.

Petra nodded. “You wanna spend time with him in like a group first?”

“No, dumbass. I don’t even know if I want to _spend time_ with him at all. I still don’t even know if this is about the animal shelter or not.”

“I can assure you it’s not.”

Levi grimaced a bit as he cracked two eggs into a bowl, scrambling them up with a fork before pouring the mixture into the same pot with the vegetables Petra was cooking. She began to aggressively stir them together. “I just don’t know if that’s something I want right now.” He admitted, zoning out a bit as he stared, mesmerized, at the vegetables in the pan.

Petra shrugged. “Okay, then if you do ever spend time with him make sure he knows it’s strictly business with you.” Her tone of voice had become a bit more serious. “He could also just be a good friend to have. You haven’t really gotten to know that many people in Trost.”

Levi hated when Petra was right about something. He had been extremely closed-minded about the idea of getting to know new people since they had moved to Trost. The more people he had in his circle, the more they would want to know about him. Levi had walls up around him on all sides. He had actually never been in a relationship. His senior year of high school and the first semester of his freshman year of college were characterized by a streak of promiscuity, yet that came to a screeching halt after he was sent to rehab. He stopped going out afterwards and during the remainder of his time at undergrad, he never really ran into anyone worthy of being able to access him.

One thing about Levi was that he knew exactly what he was worth. He had been through a lot and was not one to settle, and he was always judgmental when it came to assessing whether or not somebody was deserving of his time. After college he moved into Petra’s parents’ house, and the two of them freeloaded while working full time for two years before they moved into their own place in Trost. During those two years, he worked and had a paid internship. He never had a second in his schedule for other people because he figured that if he missed out on having a social life while he was mooching off of Petra’s parents, his future self would thank him when he was living on his own.

Levi and Petra had been in Trost for around two months by now and with the exception of Eld, who Levi had met independently the night before, every person he had become associated with was through Petra.

“I actually ran into him today... When I went to grab us coffee earlier.” Levi added after a short pause.

“Oh?” Petra’s expression grew slightly inquisitive as she turned over to face him.

“He almost walked right into me in the doorway. He was leaving when I was getting there. Um...” He thought for a moment. “We talked for a bit. He was dressed up kinda formally and said he was coming from a meeting.”

“That’s very Christian Grey of him.” Petra teased, a smirk crossing her face as she narrowed her eyes while she spoke. “Did he look good?”

“I wasn’t paying attention to that.”

Petra groaned out loud. “Can you loosen up a bit? It’s not like anyone else is gonna hear you, it’s just you and me talking with no one else around.”

As if on command, there was a quick knock on the door before Rico and Hitch paraded into the apartment.

“Oooh, something smells good in here!” Hitch exclaimed as she made her way inside.

Petra gave Levi an awkward and apologetic smile and he arched his brows at her in a matter-of-fact kind of way.

“Glad you could make it! We’re just finishing up in here.” Petra announced to her friends as they gathered around the kitchen counter. Levi greeted the two in his usual, standoffish sort of way as he was mixing ingredients for a sauce into a bowl based on a recipe he had written down on a little yellow piece of note paper when noticed his phone light up from where it was resting on the countertop between the stove and where he was standing. Petra was hovering over the stovetop, so she saw it too.

Erwin Smith

[7:03 pm] Let me know if you’re around sometime this week! I’d love a chance to talk longer than I was able to today.

Levi narrowed his eyes as he paused, his hand hovering as he held onto the spoon he was using to mix the ingredients into the small bowl. As he was staring silently at the message, Petra’s jaw dropped a bit, the corners of her mouth creeping up into a smile as she slowly turned over to face Levi with wide eyes.

“You _have_ to respond to that!” She announced, intentionally loud enough for Hitch and Rico to hear.

“Respond to what?” Rico piped in.

“Levi’s going on a _date_ with _Erwinnn~_ ” Petra sung. Both Rico and Hitch gasped out loud.

“That’s a thing?!” Hitch shouted out.

“Of course it’s a fucking thing you clown.” Rico snapped in reply.

“Hey sorry I’m out of the loop! Levi, you’re so quiet all the time about this stuff!”

Levi turned his head around to look at the two. “It’s not a date. We’re going to talk about work.” He snapped before turning back around and measuring out a few final spices to be tossed into the bowl. “Here.” He said to Petra as he dumped the concoction he had just whisked up into the larger pan of vegetables which immediately began to sizzle loudly. He then grabbed his phone and took a few steps away from Petra.

“What are you gonna say?!” She blurted out almost immediately.

“What did he say?!” Hitch desperately inquired.

“It’s none of your concern.” Levi growled at the three of them, turning his body away from the girls as he stared down at his phone.

His expression evolved into an agitated glare as he could feel Rico and Hitch practically breathing on his neck.

“Are you two fucking children?!” He barked at the two, spinning around to see the girls looming over his shoulders on either side so they could catch a glimpse of his phone screen. They jolted back, almost bumping into each other. “Sorry! We’ll let you make your dick appointment in peace!” Rico snorted. Levi opened his mouth to clap back at her remark, yet inevitably determined that it was a useless fight and stared back at his phone screen after a prolonged exhale.

[7:06 pm] thursday?

Levi usually attended his AA meetings on Thursday nights, but he had decided over the course of the past day that it was better for both himself and Eld that he attended Zeke’s meetings on Sunday nights instead.

[7:07 pm] Sounds good. Do you have anywhere in mind? :)

Levi grimaced, his upper lip curling up a bit on one side. “He sends all of these fucking smiley faces. He’s way too... I don’t know... Sunshiney.” He sneered.

“That’s because he likes you, idiot!” Rico snapped at him, folding her arms over each other.

Petra remained silent for a moment as she moved the pot of noodles over to the sink before she poured them into a strainer that was hovering over the sink, the boiling water seeping through the holes and traveling down the drain. She then placed the bowl of noodles into the pan with the sauce and vegetables, beginning to incorporate them all together. “Update us.” She demanded.

“We’re getting dinner on Thursday, I guess.”

Petra let out a quiet little gasp. “Is he picking the place or are you?”

“Me. I’m not gonna do something I don’t want to do _and_ go somewhere I don’t want to eat.” His tone was flat as he spoke, and he quickly fell silent again to look down at his phone screen.

[7:09 pm] isayama’s at 7.

* * *

Erwin had sent his initial text to Levi just as he was getting back to his apartment. Pleased by the speed at which the other man was replying to him, he had sat down at his little circular dining table and had fully buried his face into his phone as they finalized their plan to meet up.

He had never heard of Isayama’s before.

[7:10 pm] Sure! What kind of restaurant is that?

[7:10 pm] sushi place.

Erwin set his phone down in front of him, narrowing his eyes and softly biting his lower lip.

He couldn’t be paid enough money to agree to eat raw fish.

* * *

“I told him we’re going to Isayama’s.” Levi calmly announced to the three girls who were hovering around him.

“Oh my _god_ I love that place.” Hitch reacted.

“Wait... Can we like, wear mustaches and sunglasses and hats and spy on you two... I wanna know what happens.” Rico butted in.

“What the fuck do you think is gonna happen at a restaurant that’s worth spying on me for...?” Levi sneered at her, disgusted.

“Haha... Plenty of things.” Rico smized as she and Hitch gathered around the pan of steaming pad-thai that Petra and Levi had just finished. “This looks so good.” Her mouth watered as she hastily snagged one of the bowls that Petra had grabbed from the cabinet and was handing out to her friends.

Once all four of them had grabbed their servings, they gathered around the kitchen table and sat down. Rico and Hitch continued to pester Levi about his plans with Erwin, yet Petra eventually attempted to derail the conversation by asking Rico if she had dealt with any particularly bothersome customers at work. She always got heated about some ‘Karen’ or creepy old man that was bothering her or one of her co-workers at the restaurant she was working at, and was more than happy to go into detail about exactly how some of the people she encountered earlier that day had annoyed the shit out of her.

* * *

Over the next few days, everyone’s lives went on as they usually did.

On Tuesday, Levi woke up at 6 in the morning to go on a run. He stopped by at the animal shelter for only an hour before grabbing coffee from Sawney’s and then heading over to the thrift shop where he worked. He was one of the only people who worked there; the manager didn’t do much other than pay him and the old man who ran it could barely ever remember who Levi was, even though he worked there most days during the week. He made a good few dollars over minimum wage at the thrift store, yet he knew this job was only temporary until he was able to start at a paid internship for a planning company that was working on ways to make Trost more environmentally sustainable. He wanted to work towards securing an actual job there after spending some time as an intern. He had two classes in the middle of the day, so he had to leave work, yet he returned for another shift later in the afternoon.

That same day, Marco had packed up the few belongings he had and moved himself into Erwin’s apartment. He and Levi hadn’t heard from one another after Erwin responded with Levi’s frightening proposal to get sushi with a “Perfect! See you then.” He was glad Levi wasn’t there to see his face when he had reacted to the suggestion.

Levi walked into Sawney’s with Hitch a few minutes before nine o’clock on Wednesday morning. She was wearing high waisted blue mom jeans and her Sawney’s employee shirt tucked in, and he was wearing a pair of overalls which were covered in paint and an old white t-shirt underneath. Erwin just so happened to be catching up with Hanji and Mike at a booth when they walked in, and it didn’t take him more than a brief moment to notice his presence in the shop.

Hitch hopped right behind the counter as they walked in since her shift started at nine. Her tone was sarcastic as she greeted Levi with a “hey stranger~” and took his order as if they hadn’t just walked in together. She was grinning as she made note of the tall blonde approaching him from behind.

“Small cold brew, black.” He requested, flinching as he felt a poke on his shoulder.

“Your coffee order is just like you; short, cold and bitter.” Erwin teased as Levi spun around to see him standing right beside him.

“Ha. Ha. Good morning to you too.” Levi sneered. Hitch couldn’t help but giggle from second-hand embarrassment as she watched this interaction unfold from the other side of the counter. Levi didn’t look at her as he fished his debit card out of his pocket and handed it back to Hitch before she could even tell him how much his drink cost.

“Explain the get-up.” Erwin asked, mimicking the remark Levi had made about the outfit he was wearing the day before. Even though his clothes were casual and coated with smears of paint, his hair still looked perfectly in place and he had his usual flick of black eyeliner across his eyes.

“I’m getting paid by this guy who runs a new restaurant in town to do this huge mural on one of the walls. I can only go in before they open at 9.”

Once again, Erwin was thoroughly impressed. Every time he interacted with Levi, he learned some tiny little fact about the other man that fascinated him even more.

“What kind of place?”

“I don’t know. I’m never gonna fucking eat there. They’re open for breakfast and then switch over to lunch. Everything on the menu has something with, I don’t know, arugula.”

“What’s wrong with arugula?” Erwin asked, smiling down at Levi and following him to where he waited to grab his drink.

“Ugh, that’s not what I meant. I like arugula, it’s just... Never mind. It’s the kind of place that caters to those with enough money that they can eat shit they pretend to like because it looks cool.”

“Ah, that makes more sense.”

“Yeah.”

There was a pause that was not interrupted until Hitch called out Levi’s name as she slid his iced coffee and a paper straw across the counter. He grabbed both, jabbing the straw into the hole in the center of the lid and taking a sip as he looked up at Erwin.

“Do you have time to stay?” He asked, smiling down at Levi.

“No, I have to go to work.” He quickly replied as he lowered the straw from his mouth, holding the cup down by his side. “Bye Erwin. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Levi.” A soft smile remained across Erwin’s face as the shorter man made his way out of the shop, coffee in hand. He turned to see that Hitch was staring at him.

“What are you gonna do about that one?” She teased, resting her palm to her cheek as he leaned forwards and laid her elbows on the counter, looking dreamily up at Erwin.

Erwin laughed for a moment, yet he actually hadn’t quite thought about it yet. He had never had the chance to actually sit down and have any sort of conversation with Levi, and only had the word of his friends mouths to base his impression of him off of. He knew he cared a lot about this animal shelter in town and Petra had suggested they tried to organize some sort of event that involved both places.

Erwin thought that was a great idea, but that idea was at the back of his mind when he thought about getting to know Levi. He looked forward to listening to Levi talk about _Levi._ He had so many questions and wanted to have a better understanding of one of the most unique and mesmerizing individuals he had ever come across.

He could only shake his head once and let out a prolonged sigh at Hitch. “I wish I knew...” He admitted, before retreating to where he had previously been sitting with Hanji and Mike. Wednesday was the day that the three of them volunteered at the food pantry with Connie and Sasha, and they had made a habit out of meeting at Sawney’s for a good hour before they had to go in so they could catch up on each other’s weeks. Obviously, Erwin’s upcoming dinner with Levi was at the forefront of the conversation among the group of three.

Levi worked all morning until he had to leave for a class that he had later in the afternoon. On his way home that evening, he received a phone call from Eld.

He admitted that he was having a difficult day and ended up meeting Levi for dinner. Levi talked the anxious man down for a while before distracting his mind by engaging in conversation about both of their lives. They talked for hours and actually stayed until a waitress had to remind them that the restaurant would be closing in ten minutes.

Levi told Eld that it would be better if they walked home together.

“Especially during the fall... Walking at night with the cold air kinda helps me clear my head and distract myself. It’s good to be able to spend a little time with your thoughts when you’re busy all of the time... But not too much time, or you might start to spiral. I love running because it gives me a high, like I accomplished something. I do that early in the morning if you ever want to come.”

Eld laughed nervously. “I’m not too big on running but I’d be willing to try.”

“Perfect. Tomorrow morning. 6:30.”

“Wait what-“ Eld was taken aback by how _early_ Levi meant when he said early.

“I don’t have any other time during the day.” Levi explained as the two walked along, hands inside their own pockets as the temperature began to drop.

“Alright... I’ll set an alarm I guess.” Eld nervously replied as the two continued to walk along.

* * *

Levi had to stop frequently, jogging in place as Eld would keel momentarily over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

“Fuck.” The blonde hissed as he looked down at his sneakers, mouth agape as he gasped for air. “I hate this.”

“Well then get it over with. Come on.” Levi snapped as he continued to run down the sidewalk. Eld hesitated for a moment before he desperately attempted to catch up to Levi.

Levi had a shift at work in the morning on Thursday, yet he and Eld had gone on their run early enough that he had time to stop by Sawney’s with Eld to grab coffee for Petra and himself. Eld texted Oluo to see if he wanted anything as well. It was a bit before eight in the morning, so there wasn’t really anyone in there quite yet. They made a quick exit after receiving their orders, talking as they walked down the street until they came to a point where they had to part ways.

“See you later.” Levi announced to Eld as he turned away.

“Yeah you too! Oh, have fun on your date tonight!” Eld exclaimed, a big smile crossing his face.

“It’s not a date.” Levi corrected the other man before walking off.

Levi got in the shower the second he got back from his run, and he did the same thing a second time that day when he got back from his classes in the afternoon that followed his shift at work. He spent an hour on some homework assignments for his urban planning class before he began to sift through his closet and dressers for something to wear.

Of course, he recruited Petra for help. After a brief deliberation, he ended up tucking an oversized white turtleneck sweater into a pair of black jeans that he secured with a belt. He clasped a few dainty little silver earrings into the three holes he had on either lobe, adding to the thin cartilage hoop that always hugged the top of his left ear. The only necklace he ended up wearing was the zodiac one because he was still genuinely amused that Erwin was convinced the Capricorn symbol was the letter N. He applied his usual wing of black eyeliner and a layer of mascara before leaning down to cuff his jeans and step into his black doc marten boots.

“You look cute. I like the white, it makes you more approachable.” Petra commented as Levi threw on an oversized black leather jacket. The article of clothing was from the thrift store, so it was genuine and worn. It wasn’t like the shiny and stiff new leather jackets that made noises every time you tried to move a muscle.

“I don’t care if I look _cute_ or not.” Levi barked back, yet his militant fixing of his hair in the mirror contradicted his statement.

“You wouldn’t have asked me for help if you didn’t want to make sure you looked good~” Petra chimed, and Levi narrowed his eyes. “Whatever. I have to go.” He announced before making his way out of his bedroom, grabbing the car keys from the kitchen counter before exiting their little apartment and shutting the door behind him. Levi and Petra shared a car. It was hers from when she was in high school, yet both of their lifestyles enabled them to do enough walking and utilization of public transport or ubers that neither of them _needed_ the vehicle substantially more than the other. They would often switch off who had the car that day to take to work depending on whose schedule was more demanding.

The drive to Isayama’s was quick. As Levi stepped out of the car and made his way across the parking lot, he noticed that Erwin was already standing outside of the front entrance, a little way away from the door as he was blowing out the smoke from a cigarette he held in between his fingers.

“Hey!” Erwin announced as soon as he caught sight of Levi. He was wearing all black underneath; jeans and a fine-knit sweater with a high neckline tucked into his pants, a light brown corduroy jacket with sherpa lining on the inside over his shirt. 

Levi walked right up to him, glancing the taller blonde up and down for a moment. _Fuck he’s hot._

He blinked to dislodge the thought from his mind. “You’re early.” He pointed out. It was 6:55.

“So are you. Guess we couldn’t wait to see each other.” Erwin grinned down at Levi, extending the hand he was holding the cigarette in to the other man. “Here?”

Levi grabbed it out of his hand, taking a few sharp inhales before turning his head away from Erwin so he could blow out. “Guess not.” He replied as he handed the cigarette back to Erwin, his tone devoid of any amusement.

After a short pause, Erwin smiled down at Levi as the shorter individual placed his hands into the pockets of his coat. “You look nice.” He told him, and Levi couldn’t help but divert his gaze away from Erwin for a moment. “Thanks, you too. Wanna go in...? I’m starving. I haven’t had a moment to sit down all day.”

Erwin nodded, tossing the cigarette down to the pavement and squashing it beneath his shoe before following Levi inside of the restaurant.

A wave of relief fell over Erwin as he studied one of the menus they had been given and discovered that alongside the extensive sushi options that the restaurant offered, there was a wide variety of different noodles and soups that admittedly looked delicious.

“Good evening guys! Welcome to Isayama’s, I’ll be taking care of the two of you tonight.” A waitress with long, black hair chimed as she approached the two of them after a few minutes. “Can I start you guys off with anything to drink?”

“I’ll get the house chardonnay.” Erwin announced as he eyed the drink menu one final time.

“Green tea.” Levi said immediately after.

Erwin thought nothing of it.

“Alright, thank you! I’ll be right back to take your order.” The waitress exclaimed before she walked off to another nearby table.

“How’s your week been?” Erwin asked Levi as the waitress walked off, leaning in a bit and resting his elbows on the table.

“Busy. You seem like you have a lot going on too.”

Erwin did make note of the fact that Levi immediately diverted the topic of conversation away from himself.

“Um, yeah. I actually helped Marco move into my apartment on Tuesday night! I’m gonna take him and his boyfriend Jean up on some college tours this weekend.” He explained to Levi, who was glancing patiently up at him.

“You’re like a parent to him, huh?” Levi retorted. Erwin only smiled, glancing aside for a moment. “Not exactly... His parents kicked him out when he came out to them. He’s been living at the shelter I run for about half a year now and I’ve grown really close to him.”

“Seems like it.” Levi replied before there was a short pause. “My friends were telling me about that shelter you own. That’s a really good thing you’re doing.”

Erwin beamed a bit. “Thank you!” He chimed out. “My close friend Hanji from childhood helps me handle all of the PR and social media platforms... They’ve been a huge help in getting our name out there.”

Levi nodded. “So you’d say it’s pretty well-known?”

“I’d say so.” Erwin thought about that answer for a moment. “Locally, at least. We only have space to house kids from the Trost area, unfortunately.”

“I see... Hey, I’m sure my friends told you a bit about it, but there’s this animal shelter I go and visit a lot. I don’t work there, I just volunteer, cause they’re really struggling financially and don’t wanna take away from the animals by being on their payroll... But the place is a literal shit hole. They euthanize the animals if they’re there for too long which makes me sick to my stomach... Petra told me she figured you wanted to get in touch so we could figure something out about this. I understand if that’s too much to ask, but I thought it was worth it to bring it up.”

Erwin nodded. He knew it was a matter of time until Levi was going to bring up the animal shelter, and he was wondering how quickly he would do so. He was a little disappointed that it had come up so quickly and he had completely derailed his initial attempt to get to know Levi on a personal level. However, he was pleased that it was probably the longest he had ever heard Levi speak for.

Before he could speak, he looked over at Levi. Without knowing it, they were both thinking the exact same thing.

_Is this what we’re really here to talk about._

The waitress returned with their drinks just as Erwin opened his mouth to reply. “Here you go!” She chimed out as she placed them in front of each respective person. “Are you two ready to order or do you need another minute?” She inquired, glancing back and forth between Erwin and Levi.

“We’re ready.” Levi replied for the both of them. “I’m gonna start with a seaweed salad and get a rainbow roll and a caterpillar roll.” He said as he surrendered his menu over to the waitress. She nodded before turning towards Erwin.

“Yaki soba, with the teriyaki beef.” He said before passing his menu back to her. “Thank you!”

“Got it, that will be out for you guys in a bit.” She announced before walking off.

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like sushi? We could’ve gone somewhere else.” Levi’s voice seemed irritated once again.

“Oh, no it’s fine!” Erwin assured. “I had one of those bad experiences with it as a kid so I’m pretty sure I have taste aversion or something... But all of the other stuff is really good!”

“Gotcha.” Levi replied before falling silent, waiting for Erwin to address the question he had asked before the waitress had shown up to take their orders.

“About the shelter?” Erwin finally broke the lull in the conversation. “We’re hosting a pretty big Halloween 5k in a few weeks. It starts at the high school and people are encouraged to run in costume. I figured people would think that’s funny and want to sign up. We had one over the summer and it was pretty big. It raised a lot... If you wanna help me and Hanji throw around plans for an event we can do closer to Thanksgiving, we could try and work that out!”

Erwin knew what he was doing. He wanted to establish a reason to stay in contact with Levi for at least another month. He could have probably suggested hosting a fundraiser by the first two weeks in November, but he suggested Thanksgiving since it was a bit further down the line.

“That would be great. We can set up a time to meet up with Hanji, that’s your PR person, right?” Levi asked, looking hopefully up at him.

“Yeah.” Erwin’s voice trailed slightly, he was already thinking of a million different things to talk about with Levi beyond charity and work. He was finally here with _him_ and didn’t have real life distractions or obligations to hold them back. “Anyways Levi, what made you and Petra decide to move to Trost?” He finally asked.

Levi glanced down for a moment. “Petra’s family lives about a half hour away from here in Rose County. The rural part, where it’s all crunchy with huge homes that probably cost an arm and a leg... I’ve known her since we went to college together and we lived with her parents for about two years after we graduated to get on our feet, and then we just moved here in August.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve found your way to Trost.” Erwin started with a smile. “Where did you go to school?”

“Shiganshina College. It’s small, you might not have heard of it.”

Erwin nodded. “And how come you moved in with Petra’s family?” He knew he was beginning to pry a bit, and Levi could tell. He became instantly defensive, his tone lowering as he spoke.

“I grew up in a shitty neighborhood.” Was all he said. He hated when people asked him about where he came from, because he felt like his answer would always negatively impact how much respect others had for him. He expected a response along the lines of a condescending ‘oh...’ from Erwin, yet was a bit surprised by the way he responded to his vague remark about his upbringing.

“Well it’s impressive that you’ve managed to get this far on your own!” Erwin exclaimed. “Not just everyone has what it takes to make it in a place like Trost.”

The waitress returned, dropping the appetizers in front of them as they continued to talk.

“Wanna try this?” Levi pushed the small bowl of seaweed salad a couple inches towards Erwin.

“Um... Sure.” He snapped the wooden chopsticks to separate them at the bottom and grabbed a small amount. He was okay with chopsticks but could definitely use some practice.

He winced slightly as he put it into his mouth, initially skeeved out by the slimy texture, yet surprisingly didn’t hate the taste when he began to chew into it. “That’s good!” He exclaimed, attempting to place his chopsticks back into the bowl for another bite, yet was taken aback as Levi quickly shifted the bowl away from Erwin so it was sitting right in front of him.

“No double dipping.” He sneered as he grabbed one of the little white plates sitting on either side of the table, taking a small amount of the seaweed salad out of his bowl. “Here.” He said as he passed it back to Erwin.

“Thanks...” The other man murmured. In that moment, he learned that Levi was anal-retentive.

Amidst the plethora of topics that they began to cover, both men took mental notes about little pieces of information the other would provide that they found the most intriguing. Their conversations began to flow a bit more naturally as they continued to talk, getting to know one another a bit better. One thing that Levi noticed about Erwin was that he was always eager to be a part of something. When he told him about the shelter and that he’d try and go in sometime soon, Erwin asked if he could tag along. When he mentioned that he’d probably stop by Sawney’s the next morning, Erwin asked if he could meet him there. Levi would always respond with something along the lines of ‘if you want’ in an attempt to seem less eager as it pertained to spending time with the other man. However, he was beginning to grow more curious about him.

Erwin gathered how cynical Levi was. He already figured just as much yet was impressed by his relentlessness when it came to making sure he was off of his pedestal whenever he mentioned an accomplishment. His tone was always sarcastic and snarky, and he knew he didn’t mean it. He also gathered that Levi was left-handed when he noticed him lift his chopsticks to grab a piece of sushi. He noticed that his nails were painted black and he was wearing the same necklace Erwin didn’t quite understand. He noticed that he rolled his sleeves up just a little extra when the food arrived and that he never put his elbows on the surface of the table.

He did take note of the fact that Levi mentioned the shelter a few times. He also brought up this one dog, Abel more than once.

“That’s funny how you spend so much time at the shelter, I was actually telling my friends a couple days ago that I was thinking of bringing a pet into the picture at some point.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Didn’t you just say you moved a _kid_ into your place earlier this week?”

Erwin nodded. “He’s going off to college in less than a year. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be an empty-nester quite yet.” He joked as if he had been raising Marco his entire life.

“Fair point. I probably have a much easier time talking to dogs than I do to people... Maybe that’s because I know they’ll just look at you with their tongue hanging out, all stupid and cute. They’re not gonna judge you no matter what you have to say. And they won’t be offended, even if you say they’re ugly to their face.” He looked over at Erwin, who was smiling at him from across the table as he spoke. He could tell Erwin was genuinely listening to every word he had to say.

He was all stupid and cute. Levi figured that if Erwin were a dog, he’d be a huge golden retriever. The kind that got along with everyone and wagged his tail regardless of who walked into the room.

Erwin thought it was silly that Levi found solace in talking about his feelings with stray dogs.

The two continued to talk and eat for a while until they finally received the bill. Levi went to fish his debit card out of his wallet that was sitting in his jacket pocket, yet Erwin attempted to stop him, assuring that he got it.

“You don’t have to pay for my dinner. I’m not your fucking charity case.” Levi snapped, holding the rectangular piece of plastic up beside him between his middle and pointer finger.

“Yes, I know this, but I _want_ to.” Erwin chimed as he slid his card into the pocket with the receipt, handing the checkbook off to the waitress before Levi could interject. He grimaced as she walked off with Erwin’s card.

“Thanks, I owe you.” He murmured as he placed his own card back into his wallet and put it away. As soon as the waitress returned with the receipt, Levi stood up after Erwin finished writing in a tip. They both grabbed their coats, sliding their arms in through the sleeves before walking to the front door of the restaurant, Levi in front of Erwin.

He watched as he walked, his dark hair bouncing up and down a bit with each step, revealing how neatly his undercut was shaven. He was probably a foot taller than Levi, but they walked at the same pace. Levi took quick and short steps while Erwin took longer, slower strides. However, their paces matched up pretty equally. They both wished the woman at the hostess table a goodnight before walking outside, where they paused to face one another once they were standing in the dark parking lot.

“This was nice.” Erwin exclaimed with a smile. Levi simply nodded, giving Erwin a quiet “mhm” as a reply.

“Have a good time with Marco this weekend.” Levi added after a moment. Erwin could tell that the dismissive remark Levi’s way of letting Erwin know that he wouldn’t be seeing him on Friday.

“Oh, thanks! When can I see _you_ next?” He asked, attempting to skirt his way around being dismissed by Levi.

Levi softly bit his lower lip as he glanced down at his feet, thinking about it for a moment. “Um, I’m going to the shelter for an hour or two on Sunday. You said you wanted to see the place, right?”

Erwin gave Levi an eager nod. He was going to make his Saturday with Jean and Marco into a daytrip, so he would be back by Saturday night so he could go out with Hanji and Mike for a bit. “Yeah, I’d like that very much.” He told Levi with a smile. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“See ya.” Levi gave Erwin a passive wave as he turned around to walk over to his car. Erwin watched him for a moment before heading towards his own vehicle.

Levi looked at his phone momentarily so he could select some music to play as he plugged it into the car’s aux cord. Once that was all set, he put his phone face-down in the passenger seat and pulled out of the parking lot, his mind swirling with a million different thoughts on the short car ride that it took for him to get home. He wasn’t certain how he felt about Erwin. He didn’t doubt that he had looked extremely attractive earlier, but that wasn’t at the front of his mind when he thought about him. He was attempting to assess what Erwin was trying to gain by associating with him. When he finally pulled into the small parking lot to he and Petra’s apartment building, he stopped the car and grabbed his phone to look up at a new text message. He had a few, since he hadn’t looked at his phone the entire time during dinner, yet really only took the one at the top into any account.

Erwin Smith

[8:49 pm] Had a good time tonight :) I forgot to ask, me and some friends are going out to this bar called The Titan on Saturday night, want to join?

Levi grimaced as he looked down at the message. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to be a normally functioning human being who _could_ go out to a bar and have a drink or two and talk with his friends and get to know the people closest to Erwin and have that be it.

For the past six years, that had not been an option for Levi.

[8:52 pm] no. have fun though.

[8:53 pm] Thanks, and no worries! See you Sunday.


	7. missing piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Marco make a few decisions that throw a wrench in their day and lead Marco to fear an unpleasant conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any readers that are really here for jean / marco this chapter is for you :-)

“Go Jean!”

Marco cupped his hands over his mouth so he could call out even louder as Jean ran across the soccer field that Friday night, kicking the ball into the goal with the help of a few of his teammates. As the goalie on the opposing team failed to prevent the round white ball from flying past him and bouncing off of the net, an immense roar erupted from the bleachers as the students and parents of Trost High School began to shout, clap and bang their feet against the aluminum floor.

The energy was high at the Friday night soccer game. The game was coming to an end and Trost High was beating their opponent 3 to 1. Jean had just brought their team up to 4 after the goal he made.

Marco watched as a group of Jean’s teammates ran up to him and they all began to holler and bounce around in a tight circle. It was at moments like these when it was hard to resist the urge to run onto the field and tackle Jean right there down on the turf.

Nonetheless, he clapped for another moment before sitting back down on the bleachers. He had met up with Armin to go to the game who was with his other close friend, Mikasa. The two were there to support their friend Eren who was also a part of the soccer team. Armin was usually on the quieter side, yet he really got amped up when it came to cheering for his best friend.

Both soccer teams continued to make attempted plays across the field for the next ten or so minutes, the members of Trost’s team weren’t even trying to score any goals at this point. They switched primarily over to defense so they could prevent the other team from catching up to them.

“Game!” An announcer finally shouted over the loudspeaker, a foghorn echoing across the field as everyone on the bleachers once again erupted into shouts and cheers. All of the guys on the team ran up to one another, shouting and chest-bumping one another and leaping into the air.

“Let’s GOOOOOO!” Jean yelled to his other co-captain; Reiner Braun, as they ran up to one another. All of the guys were starting to form into a large circle, some laughing, others tearing up in excitement. After a few moments of pure joy and enthusiasm that they would be moving forward to the next round in the championship, their coach; Hannes rounded them up so they could get into a line parallel to the losing team. They walked by one another, slapping their palms together and repeating “good game” to each player, Jean and Reiner in the front of the line. Trost’s victorious soccer players watched as their losing opponents grabbed their bags from the side of the field and retreated to where their coach bus was waiting for them.

“My place, 10:30. ‘Rents are at the lake house this weekend. Open fucking house, text everyone you know the address.” Reiner announced as all of the guys gathered together, exchanging solid high-fives and a variety of quick handshakes and side-hugs with one another.

“See you boys soon.” Jean announced as he put his hand into the center of the circle. Reiner joined in, followed by the rest of the team.

“3...2...1... Go Trost!” They synchronously shouted before cheering and disbanding.

Reiner caught up to Jean as he was making his way over to the high school to grab his belongings from the locker room. As he approached him from behind, he placed a firm hand onto Jean’s shoulder. Reiner was a bit over six feet and had broad shoulders, a square jaw and short, platinum-blonde hair.

“Your boy Marco coming tonight?” He asked, looking down at Jean.

“Yeah, I told him to, why what’s up?”

“Ah cool. No nothing’s up, he’s cool and all, I actually have a class with him, we do all of our partner projects and shit... Are you sure he’s really into this kind of scene? I look at him and I think he has like... Zero alcohol tolerance.

Jean shot Reiner a slightly defensive glance. “Nah man don’t worry about it. He and I get stoned together like every night. He looks all soft and all, but I’ve seen that mother fucker shotgun a beer in like eight seconds.”

Reiner laughed. “Sick, dude. I love that guy. You think that after the party you’re gonna- “

Jean cut him off with a stunned glare, hissing at him to shh. “Ah, fuck... I’m not sure about it. We’ve gotta spend all day together tomorrow on some college tours and I don’t want it to be... I don’t know, tense... You know?”

“Nah I feel you. Gotta be the right time.” Reiner nodded as they grabbed their duffel bags from their respective lockers, which were right next to each other.

“Yeah, we’ll see...” Jean murmured as he shut the door to his locker and fastened the padlock over it. “Good game out there boys! See you Monday.” He announced to the entire team, dismissing them with a passive wave of his hand on his way out.

Marco was standing right by Jean’s car as he made his way into the full parking lot. As soon as they noticed one another, Jean ran up to him with clunky, bouncy strides.

“You did so go-“ Marco began, yet was cut off as Jean approached him, wrapping his arms possessively around his waist and pressing his back up against the rickety sedan as he leaned in to kiss him abruptly on the mouth. Marco sunk immediately into it, grabbing the hood of Jean’s sweatshirt to pull him even closer.

Jean’s face was beaming as he pulled away. “Champs baby!” He hollered before skipping over to the driver’s side, tossing his bag into the back seat before getting in.

“Don’t get too cocky!” Marco reminded Jean as he opened the door on the passenger’s side and got into the car. The parking lot was busy as players, friends and family members all hurried to be the first ones to leave. Jean and Marco would always sit in the parking lot and wait until the traffic had subsided.

“You looked great out there. I love a man in uniform~” Marco teased, giving Jean an innocent little wink. Jean grinned at the comment and leaned across the dashboard, grabbing Marco’s face in his hands as he pressed his lips against his. There was a sudden banging on the hood of Jean’s car as he attempted to slide his tongue inside of Marco’s mouth. The two quickly broke away from one another, stunned and horrified expressions evolving into nervous laughter as they saw Reiner, Eren and a few of the other members of the team egging them on from the other side of the windshield.

“Ah... Sorry about them.” Jean stammered. “Why don’t I drop you off at Erwin’s so you can get ready and then I can pick you up on my way to Reiner’s in about an hour?”

“And we’re not drinking tonight, right?” Marco reminded, arching a brow.

“Right!” Jean blurted out.

* * *

“Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!” A crowd of heavily intoxicated members on the soccer team encouraged Reiner, Jean and Eren after the sophomore had guaranteed he could shotgun a tall boy faster than both of the captains.

He was terribly wrong. Reiner was the first to slam the empty can onto the floor, followed by Jean and lastly Eren. They all began to holler at one another.

“Marco! Open wide!” Jean called out moments later. He and Reiner were both carrying water guns filled with vodka, which they consecutively squirted into the freckly teenager’s open mouth until he had to swallow it, cringing intensely.

“That’s my man!” Reiner yelled as Jean ran up to Marco, wrapping one arm around him. “Let’s go get some clowns.” He suggested, his expression devilish as he and Marco began to seek out potential victims to succumb to a vodka-gun attack.

“EREN! Get your ass over here!” Jean shouted across the room, his announcement met by multiple shrieks. Amidst all this, everyone was bouncing around to the aggressive techno music that shook the house as it erupted from massive speakers in the living room. The entire house was hot and humid, the shirt Jean was wearing was clinging to his skin and everyone’s hair was wet with the sweat that was dripping down the sides of their face.

“Yo Jean!” A voice called out from the kitchen. Both he and Marco swiveled around to see some of the juniors on the team gathered around the kitchen counter, which was lined with a row of shots.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Jean shouted, grabbing Marco by the hand as they traipsed over to the kitchen. Marco grabbed one glass and Jean took ahold of two.

“Three... Two... One!” One of the guys called out, everyone tipping the miniature solo cups back to their lips at the last number.

“Woo!” Jean yelled, his eyes squinting shut as he cringed back the hard alcohol, aggressively shaking his head from side to side which sent flicks of sweat flying from his hair as if he were a wet dog.

The music continued to shake the house as the group in the kitchen disbanded to return to dancing wildly around in the living room. So many students had shown up that everyone in the house was shoulder-to-shoulder as they mingled amongst one another.

“Hey, let’s go get some air!” Marco called out to Jean, grabbing his hand as the other boy nodded. They pushed through the crowd, barreling towards the bathroom that was down the hall.

The two stumbled into the small half-bath, Jean slamming and locking the door behind them. Marco was still holding onto his wrist, which he yanked to pull Jean right up to him.

“I didn’t need air.” Marco whispered into Jean’s ear. The dusty blonde blinked up at Marco for a moment before an excited grin crossed his face. He leaned quickly in, pressing Marco’s back up against the bathroom door as he started kissing his face, moving quickly down to his neck. The two were sliding around as they were continually losing their footing as a result of the sticky, wet floor underneath them. Whenever one of them would start to fall, they would yank on the other’s hair, face, article of clothing or attempt to grab at the doorknob or sink for footage.

It was fast, and it was rough, and both of their heads were spinning as they fell further into a drunken state, their kisses growing sloppier and hastier as they continued to grab at one another.

“Jean!” Marco hissed as the other boy broke away from him for a moment.

“Marco.” Jean murmured back, biting and sucking at Marco’s neck as he began to feverishly undo the buttons on Marco’s shirt.

“Jean, wait-“ Marco finally blurted out, and Jean stopped immediately. He turned to the side and closed the lid of the toilet seat next to him, sitting down and looking up at Marco as he leaned against the door, both of them panting heavily in an attempt to catch their breath.

“Is this... Really... How you want this... To happen...?” Marco finally admitted to Jean. He felt like an asshole. He was the one who had gotten lost in the heat of the moment and pulled Jean away from the party only to be the one to back out of it.

Jean looked up at Marco from where he was sitting, eyes wide. “I- I wouldn’t have cared if... It was... Now... Or tomorrow... Or next month, Marco... I just...” He could barely get the words out amidst his labored breathing. “Want to make sure it’s with you... And I wanna... Do it right cause... You deserve it... To be good.”

Marco looked down at Jean. His shirt was half-unbuttoned, and his neck had been recently decorated with a patch of purple bruises. He didn’t say anything for a moment before he walked up to where the other boy was sitting and extended a hand. Jean took it and Marco hoisted him back up.

“Okay...” He murmured, his face inches from Jean’s before he leaned in for another prolonged kiss.

* * *

It was approaching midnight. Erwin had grown a little restless with concern for Marco and Jean’s whereabouts. They had to be out the door at 7 in the morning for the two-hour drive in order to be on time for a tour at the University of Stohess at 9:20, followed by an hour drive to get to University of Sina at 11:45.

Erwin stared up at the ceiling, surprised that he hadn’t heard the door open and the two boys walking in yet. If they were going to be out so late, why did they pick such early times to go on their college tours? He grabbed his phone and sent Marco a text message.

[11:52 pm] Hey Marco! Let me know when you think you’ll be getting home. Gotta head out early.

He sighed as he tossed his phone aside, hoping it would buzz quickly with a response from Marco. As much as he was glad that the teenager was having fun, he was also struggling to resist succumbing to nodding off as his eyes began to grow heavier. He couldn’t fall asleep until he at least knew where Marco was and when he’d be getting home.

After about thirty minutes, Erwin was jolted awake as his phone began to ring. Seeing it was Marco, he sat right up as he accepted the call and pressed the device up to his ear.

“Marco? Is everything okay? Why aren’t you and Jean home yet?”

“Erw... we’re drunk... Come pick... Pick us up. I text you house.... Okay, yay, thanks, dad.”

The phone hung up. He didn’t even need Marco to text him the address he was at because he had Marco’s location sharing service on. Throwing on a bathrobe and slippers over the boxers he was wearing, he grabbed his keys and rushed out the door.

He probably broke at least three traffic regulations on his way to the house. When he pulled up, he was stunned to see a plethora of high schoolers mingling in the front yard. They were swarming all around the property like ants crawling around a hill, and Erwin couldn’t help but slink down into his seat a bit as he dialed Marco’s contact.

Marco picked up.

“Hi, Erwin... So sorry, drunk. Can you pl-“

“Marco I’m outside of the house come out now.”

“Oh- _thank you!_ How did you know... I needed...”

Erwin rolled his eyes. “Wild guess.”

“You’re... so funny.” Marco blurted out before hanging up once again. It took about five minutes before Erwin finally saw the stumbling mess that was Marco and Jean as they barreled over to the vehicle, swinging the door to the back seat open and falling over each other in a heap of laughs and sighs as they shut the car door behind them.

Erwin didn’t speak at first. He just drove until he was away from the proximity of the house.

“I’m glad you guys called me and didn’t try to drive home yourself. You did the right thing.” He exclaimed, yet he knew neither of the two would retain or even heard any of what he was telling them.

“Thanks... Erwin... Erwin you’re great, you’re the best.” Marco could barely hold his head up as he lay across the back seat, his head spinning and Jean slumped over him, breathing heavily as if he had already fallen asleep. Marco would slur out a few random utterances as Erwin drove them back to his apartment. He didn’t even bother attempting to ask the two about their night, yet he knew they would be in for a rude awakening the next morning when he got them up at 6:30 in the morning.

Upon arriving at his apartment, he had to shepherd the two wobbly and sleepy teenagers up the stairs as they attempted to slump over and wander in all sorts of directions. When he finally got the two to the door of his place, he allowed them to stumble into the guest room. Marco made it to the top of the bed and Jean collapsed in the doorway.

Erwin couldn’t help but take a photo of the two. Not to send anyone, just to show Marco when he’d appreciate it a lot more later on. “Oy vey...” He murmured as he kicked his slippers off in the doorway before walking into his bedroom. As he hung his bathrobe back up from a hook attached to the inside of his bedroom door, he grabbed his laptop and opened it up, logging into his email and finding his confirmation for the tours he had reserved three spots for on the following day. Opening two tabs; one for each school, he clicked ‘reschedule’ to see what he could do.

Thankfully, he was able to save a space for the tour of University of Stohess that was happening at 2:30 pm. Sina had a much stricter rescheduling policy, yet he was glad that their first tour would now be happening at 11:45 instead of 9:20. He took a deep, relieved exhale as changed his alarms from 6:30 to 8:30 in the morning before climbing underneath the covers, falling into an unconscious state practically the same second he hit the pillow.

* * *

“Mhh...” Marco’s eyes fluttered open as a few rays of sunlight managed to seep through his windows and onto his face. The second he entered a conscious state, he could feel his head pounding and hear his ears ringing.

_Oh my god the college tours._

In a panic, Marco shot up, only to see Jean sprawled out in the doorway to his bedroom. He was at Erwin’s but had no idea how he got there.

His entire body was sore. His legs, his head, his torso. It took awareness of certain sensations he was experiencing to piece together something that _must_ have happened between he and Jean for him to feel what he was feeling.

He grimaced as he came to realize he didn’t remember it at all.

He looked down at Jean. His head immediately began to feel dizzy as he recognized he had gotten up much too quickly and he sat back down on the edge of his bed, resting his forehead in his palms. Starting to feel extremely ill, he tried to divert his attention by clenching his jaw and taking some deep breaths in and out of his nostrils.

This attempt was futile.

Within seconds, he was tip-toeing around Jean as he rushed out the doorway and into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet bowl into which he abruptly began to vomit. Little tears formed in the corners of his eyes as he grabbed either side of the toilet bowl in his hands, throwing up everything he had eaten or drank the night before.

Erwin had been awake for about ten minutes when this happened. He had emerged into a state of consciousness well before his alarm had gone off, yet he wasn’t quite yet awake to the extent that he had even opened his eyes.

His half-asleep stirring was interrupted by the sound of Marco dry heaving into the toilet. It sounded muffled, due to the fact that Erwin’s door was closed, yet he sat immediately up when he heard it, a prolonged sigh escaping him through his nose.

He stood up and threw on his bathrobe, opening his bedroom door and walking out into the kitchen. He knew Marco was going to be thoroughly ashamed of his antics, so he figured he’d be more helpful if he didn’t try and interrupt him. Instead, he reached into one drawer and pulled out a loaf of whole wheat toast, popping two slices into the toaster. He then made his way over to the stove and turned the dial of the burner on which the tea kettle sat, grabbing two mugs out of a cabinet, as well as two cups.

He filled the cups with cold water as he waited for the tea to boil and the toast to pop out of the toaster, listening for any signs of Marco beginning to recover.

By the looks of it, it was one of those deceivingly sunny fall days. The sun was seeping delightfully through the windows and into the apartment, which caused the glass surfaces to condense up on the outside, a layer of frost that clung to them beginning to drip away. They were approaching the end of October, and the mornings were growing colder. Soon enough, Erwin would have to get into the habit of getting ready at least ten minutes earlier than he would during the summer so he would have time to defrost and warm his car up before heading out for the day.

After he had been coughing up nothing for a few minutes, Marco attempted to take some deep breaths and stand shakily up as he flushed the toilet. His stomach felt sick, but he wanted to sit down on the couch instead of the cold, hard bathroom floor. As he emerged from the small bathroom, he was devastated by the sight of Erwin standing across from him in the kitchen.

“Erwin I...” He started. Once again, he began to feel a sense of uneasiness rising in his stomach as his heart jumped, yet he took a deep breath and attempted to gather himself. “I’m sorry... We fucked up... We’re gonna be late, right...?” His tone was full of genuine guilt.

Erwin only smiled, grabbing two plates out of the cabinet as the toaster beeped. “Nope.” He started as he placed one slice onto either plate, extending one arm to Marco. “I rescheduled the one at Stohess so it’s after Sina... So we don’t really need to leave until 9:30. But listen, if this is too much for you guys, we can just forget about it today and go another time.”

Marco nodded, a feeble smile attempting to curl up the corners of his mouth as he thanked Erwin, grabbing the plate from him and taking a meek bite out of the toast. He had to force himself to swallow it.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin finally asked. He couldn’t help but notice the fact that Marco’s neck was covered in purple and red bruises on either side, all the way down to his collarbone.

“Been better...” Marco admitted. “I want to go on the tours today, if we can still do that... I’ll go wake up Jean, what time is it...?”

Erwin looked over at the clock on the stove. “8:12. You’ve got plenty of time. There’s Advil in the cabinet behind the sink in the bathroom.” He explained. Marco nodded as he took a small sip of the water Erwin had poured for him.

“If you’re planning on going today you might wanna put on a turtleneck or something... Just a suggestion.” Erwin teased. The age gap between Marco and himself was almost ten years, yet it was small enough that he managed to toe the line between acting like a father and acting like an older brother to him. He tried to give Marco the best of both worlds in that sense and didn’t want to try and act too strict with him, but also not too overly friendly and in his space. 

“Huh?” Marco had no recollection of what Erwin was talking about and hadn’t had a chance to check himself out in the mirror quite yet. Erwin arched a brow and pointed to his own neck. A wave of embarrassment crashed over Marco as he let out a quiet “oh...” Before turning around and retreating back into the hallway where his bedroom and bathroom stood across from one another.

He took note of Jean, who was still spread across the doorway. Marco cringed at the thought of how many of his joints would be killing him after he woke up from sleeping in that position. Selfishly, he broke off into the bathroom where he finally took a moment to assess his own appearance in the mirror.

His short, dark brown hair was disheveled, and his eyes were red and puffy. He was most distraught by the vast array of hickeys that trailed down his entire neck, which led him to glance over at Jean from across the hallway.

 _We must’ve..._ Marco thought to himself, internally kicking himself in the back for the fact that he would always have to carry the burden of the fact that he couldn’t remember _any_ bit of the first time he had sex with Jean, let alone the first time he had _ever_ had sex. He tried to be optimistic and convince himself that maybe they hadn’t gone all the way, yet the way his lower body felt told him otherwise.

He sighed as he grabbed a few ibuprofens from the cabinet, swigging them back with a sip of water before he rested his glass and plate of half-eaten toast on the sink top. He then started running the water for a shower, closing the door and leaving Jean to his own devices as he finally peeled out of the same clothes he had been wearing the night before.

Erwin listened to the faucet turn on from the other room as he poured the water from the screeching tea kettle into three individual mugs. He dipped a bag of black tea in for himself and two bags of lemon ginger tea for Marco and Jean. Leaving the other two mugs out for them, he grabbed his own and walked into his bedroom to get ready. He had his own bathroom that branched off of the bedroom which he used to take a relatively quick shower before drying off, taking a few sips of his tea before he got dressed. He started off by buttoning up a thin, white collared shirt which he threw a dull greyish-green colored sweater on top of so that only the white collar of the shirt and the rolled white sleeves were visible underneath. He tucked the shirt and sweater into a pair of black and grey plaid pants which he pulled up with a belt.

He ran a comb through his soft, blonde hair in front of his mirror before grabbing the mug of tea. It was lukewarm by the time he took another sip as he walked out of his bedroom to find neither Jean or Marco in the kitchen or living area. He glanced over at the clock, relieved to find that it was still well before nine. As he sat down at the small dining table over by the windows, he couldn’t help but hear the two teenagers talking from across the apartment. He had opened up his laptop in front of him but wasn’t paying much attention to the few unread emails he had received since the last time he had looked at it.

Marco had moved from the shower to his bedroom and was getting dressed for the day. His head was starting to clear up a bit after the ibuprofen had begun to kick in over the period of time he had let the hot water from the shower fall over him. He figured that if he looked fairly decent, he’d feel a little bit better. Jean had gotten up at this point and was already cursing himself for the fact that he didn’t have any of his own clothes.

“Mmh... I can’t do it Marco, I’m gonna pass out when I see the fucking sun.” Jean groaned out loud. The second he had gotten up, he moved over to Marco’s bed and laid right back down on his side. “My head hurts...” He murmured.

Marco didn’t reply immediately, as he was focused on brushing his dark hair out in the mirror. “You should take a shower. I’ll get you some ibuprofen.” He exclaimed before setting the brush down on his nightstand and sitting over the edge of the bed close to Jean. “C’mon, we gotta get up.” He encouraged, gently placing a hand in Jean’s hair and rubbing his thumb up and down.

“Okay...” Jean murmured, eyes closed. He leaned his head into the pleasing sensation of Marco rubbing his head, humming for a moment before he opened his eyes as Marco stood up and walked out of the room. He didn’t move from where he was laying, yet he watched Marco as he walked into the bathroom and opened up the cabinet above the sink, returning shortly after with two small pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Here.” Marco said, offering the water and pills up to Jean. Jean’s entire body felt sore as he tried to sit up so he could grab what Marco was handing to him, yet he was finally able to swallow the pills with the help of a feeble gulp of water.

“Fuck, man. I’m sorry... We shouldn’t have gone out.” Jean’s tone was low as he set the glass down on the nightstand and looked up at Marco. He noticed that he was already dressed so he figured he’d been awake for some time at this point. “Is Erwin pissed at us...?” He added.

Marco only shot him a soft smile. “No, but let’s do him the favor of getting our acts together for this trip.” He replied. “You need to borrow something to wear?”

“Yeah.” Jean said before leaning forwards a bit. Marco was standing close enough so that from where Jean was sitting over the edge of the bed, he could rest his head up against Marco’s stomach. Marco wrapped his arms around Jean, bending down enough that he could gently kiss the top of his head.

“Before we go though, do you want to talk about what happened... You know, with us?”

Marco froze up in that moment. How was he supposed to talk about something he couldn’t remember? How could he even tell Jean that he couldn’t remember it in the first place? He hated the fact that Jean _could_ remember what had happened, but didn’t want to have to ask him to explain as if he wasn’t there for it.

“Now’s not a good time. Maybe tonight. Erwin’s going out with his friends so you can stay here.” Marco shut the topic down as quickly as it came up before walking over to his dresser. “It’s pretty cold. Pick out something you’ll be able to be outside in.”

“Okay.” Jean murmured before he finally stood up, his entire body aching as he attempted to hollow out his back and stretch his arms as far up above his head as he could. “I’m gonna take a shower first.” He added, before sluggishly walking out of the room.

* * *

Marco barely said two words all day. He was trying to remember any small bit of what had happened, but it was no use. He and Jean were both oddly quiet on the drive there, and Erwin was patient with them. Marco was quiet on both tours, and the car rides between the two. He was listening and really paying attention to whatever it was that the tour guides said the schools had to offer, especially at Stohess.

Nonetheless, he barely shared many opinions at all following his tour of the campus.

Meanwhile, Jean was back to his normal self by the time they got into the car following their first tour at the University of Sina. He had really wanted to go there, and Erwin was surprised by how quickly his mind had changed the _second_ after the tour was over.

“And the campus was a fucking dump!” Jean had called shotgun on their way back to Erwin’s car and was chatting the slightly older man up in the front seat during their drive from Sina to Stohess. “I’d be stuck in a fucking _quad_ as a freshman, too! Everyone on that tour looked like they were part of the one-percent.” His rant continued for the majority of the car ride, and he recruited Erwin for a bit of help as he found himself back at the drawing board of his college search.

The group arrived back in Trost a little bit after six o’clock in the evening. The two-hour drive from Stohess back to Trost was slightly prolonged because of rush hour traffic, and it was practically dark outside by the time they pulled into Erwin’s parking spot on the street.

“Thanks, Erwin!” Jean called out as the two teenagers made their way into the apartment a few paces ahead of him. Erwin stayed behind, opening his phone to see a few missed messages from Hanji and Mike as they were attempting to solidify a plan. It seemed as though they had individually determined that they’d be meeting at The Titan around nine-thirty.

On top of his plans with Hanji and Mike, he remembered that he had made an extremely unestablished plan to stop by the animal shelter with Levi the following day. He thought about it for a moment before searching for his contact name and dialing his number instead of sending him a text. He waited, pressing the phone up against his ear as it rung about three times before there was finally an answer.

“Hello?” The voice over the other line was low and sounded a bit perplexed.

“Hey Levi! Um... I just wanted to make sure that you were still all set to stop by the shelter on Sunday?” He shuffled his foot around as he looked down at his feet while he spoke.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Was the extent of a response that Erwin got. He winced slightly at the brevity of everything when it came to Levi. He was vague in his text messages, he was vague in his in-person interactions with him, and now Erwin was discovering that he was also vague over the phone.

“Cool. What time works for you? Oh, and would you wanna maybe stop by Sawney’s and get coffee or something... Before or after, either works.”

There was a short pause on the other end of the line.

“I’m going in from ten-thirty to twelve. We can go after if you want for a bit.”

 _For a bit_ rang in Erwin’s mind for a while. He was convinced that Levi was intentionally making sure he knew that he was not the type of person who wanted to stick around and chat. He came in very small doses every time Erwin had the chance to interact with him. He had managed to pry little bits of information out of him about his past, yet he still felt like he was talking to a complete stranger. He had obviously only known Levi for a short period of time, but he felt like they were really slacking in the ‘getting to know each other’ department.

“Sounds good! Want me to meet you there? Or I can pick you up or we could wal-“

“Meet me there. I’ll text you the address.” Levi practically cut Erwin off, and Erwin nodded even though he knew Levi couldn’t see him from his end of the phone call.

“Okay, thanks Levi.” Erwin replied, his expression was particularly neutral as he spoke.

“See you tomorrow.” The other man dismissed Erwin over the phone, hanging up before Erwin could get out an ‘okay, bye’ in response. A prolonged sigh escaped Erwin through his nose as he tucked his phone away into the pocket of his pants and pressed the button on his car keys twice to lock it before walking back to follow Jean and Marco into his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed :-) comments, likes and bookmarks are greatly appreciated <3


	8. shut out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Levi struggle to come to terms with their feelings and inevitably attempt to address them in very different ways.

“Someone out front said he was here to see you.”

Per usual, Levi had showed up at the animal shelter a few minutes earlier than he said he would and was already getting ready to take Abel out for a walk when Nile poked his head into the dog room to inform him that he had a visitor.

He knew who the visitor was. He knew Abel would be uncomfortable, yet he would also have Levi right next to him. Clasping the leash onto his collar, he pulled the dog close to him as he thanked Nile for letting him know and walked over to the doorway. The mutt snarled at Nile as they walked by and was equally unhappy to see another man standing out in the lobby.

“Good morni- “

Erwin’s friendly greeting was interrupted by a sporadic eruption of barking from Abel. Levi simply yanked at the dog’s leash and he fell back, resorting to a defensive growl that rumbled deep within his throat.

“Hi. I’m taking my friend for a walk. You wanna come?”

“Friend, huh?” Erwin smiled down at the two. The dog looked as if it was practically half the size of Levi and could easily reach the shorter man’s face if he stood up on his back legs. “You two are just like each other.” He added, his tone light and friendly.

“I think we get along very nicely.” Levi remarked, his tone devoid of any sarcasm as he stared blankly at Erwin for a moment before looking down at Abel. Erwin wished that Levi would take a joke sometimes, yet he never mentioned it to his face.

“I can tell...” Erwin replied, placing his hands inside of his pockets. Abel growled at that. It seemed like everything Erwin did was somehow a threat to the dog, and he was quick to gather that Levi had gravitated towards an animal that had been dealt a particularly difficult hand at life. “Let’s go.” He suggested.

Levi walked over to the door with Erwin, holding Abel’s leash as close to himself as he could to prevent the dog from attempting to attack the taller man. Once the small group was outside, Abel calmed down. He felt less threatened when he wasn’t in an enclosed space, and Levi was able to loosen his grip on the leash so he could walk a few paces ahead of the two.

“What’s his story?” Erwin asked as he walked alongside the shorter man. He glanced down at Levi for a moment as he spoke and turned to watch the large dog as it traipsed along in front of them.

“Sorry if he scared you. He has his reasons not to trust people.” Levi was also looking at the dog. “I want to adopt him. Nobody else is going to because they don’t want to deal with a _difficult_ dog. He’s gonna fucking die in this sad place if he’s still here after Christmas. And that’s what kills me the most... I’m so selfish that I’m concerned with the fact that I can barely afford my own rent that I can’t even consider the fact that this dog’s life depends on me.”

Erwin was absorbing everything Levi had to say. His tone seemed different as he spoke. When he had gone out to dinner with Levi and learned things like college and his current job in Trost, he seemed extremely passive. Surprisingly, he spoke about this animal in a way that was deeply concerned and passionate.

“You don’t know anyone who would be willing-?”

“No.” Levi’s response was sharp and immediate. “I’ve tried... But my circle is pretty small. When my friends mentioned how big of a deal you seemed to be in Trost, I figured that could help with this place. It’s a piece of shit that nobody even knows about...” He paused, his gaze falling towards his shoes for a moment. “To be honest, when Petra gave me your number, I wasn’t going to reach out at first.

Erwin quickly turned his head to face Levi as soon as his remark fully registered with him. “Really?” His tone was a bit surprised.

Levi nodded, looking ahead. His eyes never met Erwin’s as he spoke. “I figured it would be shitty publicity for you to be associating with a kill shelter. Petra was the one who convinced me otherwise.”

“Ah...” Erwin’s voice trailed off. Levi’s remark stung a bit. Whenever he felt like he was actually getting somewhere with Levi, he somehow managed to remind Erwin that his intentions were purely related to community outreach. He began to wonder if Levi genuinely wanted anything to do with _him_ as a person and not some form of business collaboration. He was surprised by Levi’s passion for this place though. He didn’t even work here, he was simply coming out of a sense of obligation to the animals.

“Maybe you can get in touch with Hanji and see if they could meet us for coffee... You said you wanted to do that after, right?”

That was another punch in the gut to Erwin. Now Levi was making it abundantly clear that he didn’t care if the time they spent involved other people coming into the mix. He was cursing himself for thinking like this, since the sake of both organizations should be paramount, yet the words that escaped him came out as more of a reflex than a thought-out response.

“Um, I’ll see... I’m not sure if they’re around today though...”

“Oh, why don’t you give them a call?”

Erwin was taken slightly aback by how demanding Levi’s tone of voice was. He was so unsure what to make of Levi, yet he begrudgingly reached into his coat pocket and took out his phone, dialing Hanji’s number and pressing the device up to his ear with a quiet sigh.

Hanji picked up the other line within two rings. “Erwin! What’s going on? It’s early!”

“Hanji, it’s after ten... Um, are you busy or do you have a moment?”

“I told you last night, I didn’t have shit to do today!”

Erwin froze up for a moment. He hoped Levi couldn’t hear what Hanji was saying on the other end of the line. “Yeah... I forgot, sorry. Anyways, if you’re free a little after noon, would you like to meet me and...” He paused for a moment and Levi looked over at him, both men making momentary eye contact. “My _friend_ Levi at Sawney’s to talk about some PR stuff for the shelter and this animal adoption center we’re checking out right now?”

Levi sarcastically arched his brows at Erwin’s remark. _Friend._ He diverted his gaze away from him immediately after, looking ahead at Abel as he trotted along on the sidewalk a few paces in front of them. He managed to tune out the rest of Erwin and Hanji’s phone conversation as he became immersed in his own thoughts. He wanted to get to know Erwin badly. He was surprised by his persistence when it came to getting acquainted with him, and Levi enjoyed that, yet he would never say anything about how he felt to Erwin. He could tell that Erwin was being genuine in his attempts to get to know him and that he didn’t have any ulterior motives. He was good at reading people and could tell that Erwin seemed to care about the animal shelter, but he was really going so far out of his way to become personally involved with it because he cared about _him._ He was wary, though, because he figured that anyone who wanted to get to know him was doing so in order to dive head-first into his personal life. He was extremely closed off, especially when it came to newcomers in his life, and never trusted anyone enough with his personal matters unless he knew they weren’t temporary.

By the time Levi’s mind had resurfaced in the present, he realized that Erwin’s phone conversation had been over for at least a few seconds.

“How’d that go?” He asked, glancing over at the taller man.

“Good, they can meet us. Don’t come up with any ideas you’re too set on because Hanji loves to take the reins in these types of situations and run with it however they want to...” He remarked, looking down at Levi. “Hanji’s someone you can only take in so many doses at a time.”

“Ah. My favorite kind of person.” Levi deadpanned, his tone dripping with cruel sarcasm. Erwin only let out a breath of laughter at the comment as he walked alongside Levi. He figured that for now, he’d be better off staying on the surface and asking about matters such as the dog they were walking or the animal shelter. From what he gathered, both Levi and the mutt had extremely complicated pasts, yet Levi was much more comfortable explaining the circumstances of the dog in favor of his own.

The two continued to brace the chilly late-October air for a little while longer as they finished up their walk with Abel. Levi was more than happy to give Erwin a thorough explanation regarding what the dog’s previous circumstances may have looked like and why it caused him to behave the way he did. Erwin listened to every word, angered by the reality that people could treat an animal in such a way.

Levi talked about Abel the most, and Erwin was easily able to gather that he had a favorite, yet he was just as willing to provide Erwin with a little crash-course on the names and personalities of all of the other dogs in the shelter by the time they got back and browsed through the cages. He explained to Erwin that he could come in three or four days if he was less busy that week, yet most weeks he could only come in one day on the weekend and maybe once during the work week.

They paused for a while in the cat room, both smiling in awe at the five teeny-tiny kittens that now occupied the same cage where Bird was staying.

“You look good, little mama.” Levi told Bird as she lay on her side in the cage, all five babies squirming and crawling around her. They could barely walk, and their eyes hadn’t even opened, and they wouldn’t for some time. One of the workers had put up a new sign to remind visitors that the kittens wouldn’t be available for adoption for another seven weeks and that no one was allowed to touch them or the mother. Levi had underlined that part of the tag with red sharpie the last time he had come in.

“They’re so small...” Erwin was fascinated by the little baby kittens. “Do they have names?”

“Yeah, I named two of them right away. I still have to think about the others.” Levi started. Some of them looked a lot like Bird, yet others were a darker color with shorter fur. “That one’s Isabel.” He pointed to a calico-colored kitten that was nuzzled right up against Bird. She was the smallest of the bunch. “And that’s Farlan.” He continued, gesturing over to a dusty brown and white kitten that was attempting to crawl away from the others, exploring the area of the cage.

“Interesting.” Erwin replied, looking at the two that Levi had pointed out. “How’d you come up with those?” He asked, yet he was surprised by the somber expression that seemed to be plaguing Levi’s face when he turned to look at him following the question.

“Old friends.” He murmured, before standing up. Erwin watched him for a moment before looking back into the cage. His intuition began to flare up in that moment, and he quickly assumed that those were the names of two people it would take a lot of prying for Levi to tell him about. He didn’t ask, instead he attempted to lighten the mood by changing the subject entirely.

“I’d like to name this one Marco!” He blurted out, gesturing to one of the smaller kittens that had black fur.

“That one’s a girl.” Levi snapped back. Erwin narrowed his eyes up at Levi.

“Okay... I’d like to name _her_ Marco.”

“Okay, then that one’s Polo.” Levi added, pointing into the cage at a kitten with more tortoiseshell coloring that was laying right beside the black kitten Erwin had just named.

“That works!” Erwin chimed, his expression beaming as he stood up, glancing down into the cage. “We still have one more though!” He added, glancing at the last kitten. It looked similar to Bird, yet its fur had more of the grey and tan than the white coloring.

“Bird junior?” Erwin teased, grinning down at Levi who shot him back a particularly cold and unamused glare.

“No.” Levi shut him down before looking back at the last unnamed kitten. “I’ll think about it. It’s gonna come to me on its own, I don’t wanna pull a name out of my ass.” He stated before turning and walking over to the door. “Ready to go?” He asked, spinning his head around to look back at Erwin.

“Sure!” The taller blonde replied, following Levi out the door. They both dismissed Nile with a quick goodbye as they walked through the lobby and back out into the parking lot.

“Meet me at Sawney’s?” Erwin asked, a smile plastered across his face as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat.

“Sure.” Levi replied. “Thanks for coming by.” He added before turning and walking over to the white sedan he and Petra shared. Erwin watched him walk off for a moment before he headed to his own car, turning the heat up the moment he closed the door of the vehicle behind him.

* * *

“So, when were we thinking of hosting some sort of event?” Hanji asked the two, both of whom were sitting across from them at a little table inside of the coffee shop. “We’ve got that Halloween 5k next week.” They added, pulling up a calendar on their laptop in front of them. The event was technically on Sunday the 29th of October instead of actual Halloween, since they figured there would be a much bigger turnout on a weekend than a weekday.

“I was thinking some sort of event right before Thanksgiving.” Erwin replied, glancing over at Hanji.

“Well... We could probably fit something in a lot earlier too... We could have some sort of fundraiser during the first two weeks of November.” They remarked, adjusting their glasses as they skimmed through their calendar. “And Levi?” They added, shifting their gaze over from Erwin to him. “You and your friends at the animal shelter can have a small booth at the 5k next weekend. Promote our next event to all of the people who will show up there. If you want, you can make a little speech- “

Levi cut them off with a slightly disgusted glare. “Like hell I’m making a speech in front of a bunch of middle-aged suburban ladies and sorority sisters who are only doing it for an instagram post.” He sneered, rolling his eyes off to the side.

Erwin let out a soft ‘tsk...’ as he glanced over at Levi. “Okay, so tell us how _you_ plan on getting word out about the shelter.”

Levi grimaced over at Erwin. “I don’t know, promote it on social media? We could have some sort of adoption event at the shelter... The one you run. We can bring a few of the animals down, the well-behaved ones of course... And then have something else set up for people who can’t adopt but want to help out... Like a donation box I guess.”

“We can do a bake sale!” Hanji piped in. “People love that wholesome cash-only kind of shit.” They added. “We can split the proceeds amongst Erwin’s center and the animals... And somebody can run a separate donation bin. We can also do one of those go fund me pages for people who might want to donate in bigger amounts and don’t have cash, and I’ll post about it on the shelter’s social media platforms so people can still donate even if they can’t show up.”

“That sounds great, Hanji.” Levi replied, a vague smile crossing his face. “I appreciate the help. Community outreach isn’t really my forte.”

“Happy to help! You’re doing a good thing, kiddo.” They exclaimed. Levi grimaced at the nickname.

The three continued to talk about a potential event, attempting to solidify a reasonable date and throwing around a plethora of ideas for things they could add. After a little bit over an hour of deliberation, Levi got up from his seat at the table.

“I have to go to work, but thanks guys.” He remarked. It was a little after one o’clock in the afternoon, and Levi had to stop by at the thrift store until he had his AA meeting at six. He glanced momentarily down at the two before throwing his coat on, sliding his arms through the thick, oversized sleeves.

“No, thank you!” Hanji exclaimed. Levi nodded and turned to walk out of the store. Erwin reacted before he could walk very far, grabbing him by the wrist and standing up.

“Hey-“ Levi sneered, yanking his hand away before looking up at Erwin. “What do you want?”

“Oh, I was just wondering when I can see you again!” He chimed, sliding his hands into his pant pockets as he smiled eagerly down at the shorter man.

“Don’t you have an event to set up this weekend?” Levi murmured in reply, which stunned Erwin a bit. “Um, we have all of the logistics covered for that. It’s really an issue for the end of the week.”

“Oh, okay.” Levi responded, his tone low. “I might be available, I don’t know.” He added, taking a sip out of his lidded cup of hot tea. He waited for Erwin to reply, yet he knew he wasn’t giving him much to work with. The more time he was starting to spend with him, the more he wanted to jump in to do random things with the other man. He never took people to the animal shelter, yet Erwin wanted to. Erwin wanted to help him set up an event, wanted to go out to dinner with him, and Erwin was asking him if he wanted to go out with him and his friends on Saturday nights, even if he had to say no to that. As much as he enjoyed the attention, he was equally threatened by it.

All Levi was doing was either going along with Erwin’s propositions or denying them. He felt like Erwin wanted to take a mile with every inch he gave because he made it nearly impossible for the other man to access him.

“Okay! Let me know if you are!” Erwin eagerly piped back, yet he knew that he’d be six feet under the ground before Levi texted him first.

“Alright, see ya later.” Levi finished with a dismissive wave before making his way out of the quaint little establishment. Erwin hesitated for a moment before sitting down, only to find Hanji watching him intently.

“Not your usual type Erwin.” Hanji teased, their voice low so that Levi didn’t hear them.

Erwin laughed through his nose for a moment as he smiled, glancing off to the side and watching Levi as he stepped out of the front door. “I have no clue what to do with that one...” He admitted before taking a sip of his coffee.

“What do you _want_ to do with that one?” Hanji asked, glancing inquisitively over at Erwin.

There was a fairly long pause as Erwin put some thought into it, stopping himself from blurting out a defensive ‘I don’t know.’

“Um... I’m not sure, to be honest.” He started. “Part of me is just curious... There’s something about him that I honestly can’t stop thinking about... He’s like a puzzle that you’re putting together _really_ slowly... Cause the pieces are impossible to figure out, or even find in the first place.”

“Mm, he’s very dark and stormy.” Hanji pointed out the obvious. “He doesn’t seem like a bad person though. I can tell he’s very caring... But those regards only apply to a very select few.”

“Yeah, and a majority of that select few are animals...” Erwin added. “He just brought me to the shelter he was telling us about, the place is a fucking dump. He was going on though... Talking about all of these animals like they were people... He’d explain their personalities and where they came from like it was a friend. I’d never heard him talk like that about anything up until today.”

Hanji nodded. “I’m glad we’re helping out for sure, I did my research before you two got here and it could definitely use the awareness.” They noted, before their gaze shifted from their computer screen towards Erwin. “Aside from the charity though...” They reminded, arching a brow.

A pensive expression crossed over Erwin’s face as he genuinely thought about it for a moment, glancing off to the side. “I feel like you want me to give you a definitive answer...” He started, his speculation earning him a slow and singular nod from Hanji.

“But...” He continued, his icy blue eyes finally meeting Hanji’s intense gaze. “I don’t want to force myself into someone’s life, or even try to be a part of it, unless I know they want me there. He’s probably the most closed off person I’ve ever met. I can’t get a read on him. I can’t tell if he’s pulling my strings on purpose in a sarcastic kind of way or thinks I’m a genuine nuisance...”

“And that drives you crazy, right?” Hanji followed.

“Yeah.” Erwin admitted.

“You wanna understand him?”

“I think so.”

“Okay.” Hanji ended the back-and-forth, folding their own hands together. “You’re clearly into him.”

“ _That’s_ the conclusion you come to?”

Hanji nodded. “Yup, but you’re tip-toeing around the fact because you’re afraid of rejection. Hookup culture was handed to you on a silver platter in your early twenties and you’re just now meeting someone that _you_ have to chase instead of the other way around, and you don’t know how to handle that. You have a good enough understanding of his personality that you’re intimidated by him. You know what he’s capable of and you don’t want to do the wrong thing and end up on his bad side. You know you were a settler in the past and you’re finally dealing with someone on your level. And your biggest fear right now is being shut out by him because he’s someone who’s gonna bring you up... Unlike that loser _Morgan_ who dragged you down.”

Erwin paused for a moment after Hanji finished speaking, before gently shaking his head from side to side and letting out a breath of laughter. “You know me too well, it scares me sometimes.” He admitted, smiling up at his friend.

Hanji didn’t usually bring up Morgan; Erwin’s ex, unless they were using him as a comparison for something terrible that was going on. If they were snowed in because of a blizzard? Hanji would say it was almost as bad as Morgan’s attitude. If a character in a new movie Hanji and Erwin were watching made a change for the worst, Hanji would mention that that character was just like Morgan. Hanji hated Morgan more than anyone because they knew how bad he was for Erwin, and it really stuck with Erwin that Hanji believed that Levi was the opposite kind of person that Morgan was.

“You know...” Hanji finally began, a small grin creeping up the corners of their mouth. “If you want to find anything out about him but you’re scared to ask, there’s always the internet.” They blurted out with a nonchalant shrug.

“You want me to _stalk_ him online?” Erwin snapped back, horrified by the idea.

“You could ask Sasha for help. She’s like a professional when it comes to finding stuff out about people.”

“Absolutely not.” Erwin interjected. Hanji simply arched a brow. “Why? You’re scared something’s gonna come up that you’re not gonna like? You’re scared you’re gonna find a grindr profile or a mugshot or his political views on his Facebook page and that’s going to taint the idea of him you’ve created in your mind because you discovered something online about him that proves it to be false?”

“I- no.” Erwin started. “He’ll tell me shit like... If he’s gone to jail... Or whether he’s liberal or conservative... When he wants to. I can’t find all this shit out about him on my own and then freak him out by not being surprised when he tells me these things in real life.”

“Okay, suit yourself.” Hanji finally raised the white flag in that dispute, lifting their cup of hot tea up to their mouth and taking a sip.

* * *

Later that evening, Levi met up with Eld at the halfway point between their apartments and the community center. Eld had offered to meet Levi at his place, yet Levi had explained to him that Rico and Hitch were there and he hadn’t told them that he regularly attended AA meetings.

“They know nothing?” Eld asked, glancing down at the shorter man as they strolled down the sidewalk alongside one another on their way to the meeting.

“No, it’s not their business. They weren’t there, they’re great friends but they’re the type of people who would pity me in the worst way but then also make the most insensitive jokes about it.”

Eld nodded, grinning over at him. “Can’t take a joke, Levi?”

“Nope.” He deadpanned as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, holding one in between his teeth and cupping his hand over it as he flicked his thumb over the lighter which he placed back into his pocket as soon as it caught.

“Here?” He offered it up to Eld after taking a few quick yet deep inhales.

“All set, thanks.” The blonde replied as they continued to walk beside one another. “Oh, how was your date?” He quickly changed the subject, remembering how Levi had become so aggravated when he tried to say he was going on a date.

“It wasn’t a date.”

Eld laughed as he received the exact response he predicted he would get. “Alright, then what was it?”

There was a short pause as Levi narrowed his eyes, taking another long inhale from the cigarette as he glanced down as his and Eld’s shoes moving out of sync with one another as they walked down the street. “We were meeting to talk about organizing a fundraiser.”

“Over dinner?” He continued to tease. “At that nice ass sushi place? With a business partner who just so happens to be tall, blonde and handsome?”

Levi glared up at Eld. “How the fuck do you know all that?” He barked, his eyes wide and his brows furrowed. Eld only laughed, gradually letting out a prolonged exhale. “Well I do live with _Petra’s_ boyfriend... So, it may or may not have come up...”

“Of course it did.” Levi sneered, rolling his eyes off to the side. He couldn’t help but think about it for another moment though. “What did Petra say to you... Exactly.” He added after a short pause.

“Well... I didn’t talk about it in front of Oluo, but I did have a moment when I ran into just her at that coffee place y’all seem to be at all the time... We talked for a moment and I told her you were sponsoring me... Which has been great, by the way! The first few days were really hard but today is the first day that the withdrawals haven’t been as unbearable, which is good.”

“That’s great to hear.” Levi replied, granting Eld with the faintest hint of a smile.

“Thanks man... But I forget how it came up exactly, she said she was glad you were going out with this Erwin guy, ‘cause you’ve been kinda closed off since you got to Trost.”

“Tch...” Levi’s expression was thoroughly unimpressed at Eld’s remark. “Petra doesn’t need to go around and pity me because she’s been the life of the party since we got here and I’m not as much of a social butterfly as she is.”

Eld was taken slightly aback by the angry defensiveness that seemed to appear in Levi’s response. “Yo, I didn’t mean any of that in a bad way...” He replied, his tone a bit nervous. Levi was scary when he was mad.

“I’m not _going out_ with him either.” Levi added, his eyes narrow as he looked onwards in front of him.

“Hey! I don’t see it as a bad thing at all! Maybe a change in pace in your life would be good!” Eld began, knowing he was on a very dangerous slope with this conversation. “When’s the last time you’ve been with anyone?”

Levi grimaced. “Relationship-wise?”

“Um... Yeah, sure.” Eld replied.

“I haven’t.” He took another inhale from the cigarette. “I took it up the ass from more people than I can remember my last year of high school and at the beginning of college before I went to rehab... But that was never something I worried about afterwards. I felt like my recovery was so fragile and easy to break, I didn’t want to risk getting involved with anyone who would lead me to relapse... So I kinda convinced myself I was better off without it.”

Eld nodded. “I understand. Toxic people can lead you to make bad decisions, but do you think someone like him is that kind of person...?”

“I don’t know anything about what kind of person he is. I know about the things he does, but not who he is.” Levi explained, his tone was stern and straightforward.

“Well, all I’m saying is that maybe it can’t hurt to- “

“Listen.” Levi cut Eld off, his tone had progressed into a tone that was particularly snappy and rude. “I’ve been single for six years, and I’ve been sober for six years. I don’t want to fuck that up for myself by getting involved with somebody that’s gonna make me want to drink.”

“Well maybe- “

“No, Eld. I’m done talking about this.”

Levi knew in that moment that he had to shut things down with Erwin before it progressed even further. He could tell that the other man was interested in him and he didn’t want to lead him on by agreeing to go on small outings or collaborate on community outreach events. He had to make sure that their relationship would remain strictly business or it could not exist at all.

Nonetheless, it hurt him a bit to think this way. He didn’t want to burn any bridges of have Erwin resent him, but he was uncertain as to how he’d be able to explain why he needed to cut him off without filling him in on his entire life history if things went any further with him.

Levi failed to realize that he had fallen eerily silent as his mind began to buzz with mixed thoughts and feelings about Erwin. The silence was awkward for Eld until he looked down at Levi, and for the first time since he had met him, could tell by the pained expression on his face that he was _upset._

“Hey.” Eld finally interjected. Levi blinked once, quickly snapping his head up to look at Eld. “Hmm?”

“Do you wanna skip the meeting tonight?” The taller man suggested. “I know you’re my sponsor and all, but every time we’ve spent any time together it’s been you calming me down and you paying attention to me and you trying to work through my problems with me... Maybe you need to talk about yourself for a bit.”

Levi sneered back at the suggestion. “You’ve only been sober for a week. We’re going to the meeting.” He shut down Eld’s proposition as he took another inhale from his cigarette. They were only a few minutes away from the community center at this point, and the last thing Levi wanted to do was talk about himself.

He knew, deep down, that Eld was right though. He had been failing to address his needs for a while now and wouldn’t be able to shove them aside by constantly thinking about others for much longer before he’d begin to break down. He was already cursing himself for having cracked in the slightest bit in front of Eld. He wanted to break down. He wanted to allow all of his emotions come pouring out of him and feel listened to and comforted, and he had been trying to squash the urge by reminding himself that there was somebody out there with bigger issues.

That was why he helped a man who could barely remember if he put his shoes on to keep his store open. That was why he spent so many days being the last positive human interaction that the shelter animals would have before their untimely demise. That was why he had agreed to become Eld’s sponsor. That was why he was trying to organize an event with Erwin and Hanji. He distracted himself from the reality of his own needs by prioritizing those of others because they were more important, in his mind.

“Okay...” Eld’s voice trailed because he knew something was wrong. “Why don’t we talk about it after?”

Levi narrowed his eyes, refusing to look over at Eld and meet his gaze. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He snapped, his voice low as they continued to make their way down the street.

Within minutes, the pair finally reached the community center. Zeke was standing in the doorway, puffing at a joint that had been nearly reduced to the ashy end.

“Hey! I’m glad you two could make it.” The scruffy blonde announced, smiling at both Levi and Eld.

“Good to see you!” Eld replied, yet Levi remained silent. After a short pause, he walked past the two other men and made his way into the community center.

* * *

Erwin’s icy blue gaze was burning through the empty google search tab that was teasing him from the bright screen of his laptop. Marco had recently gone to sleep, and he momentarily glanced up at the clock at the top corner of his computer screen. 11:43 pm.

He pondered the thought for a moment when he remembered something Levi had said to him earlier that day.

_“Old friends.”_

Levi’s voice as he had provided his oddly vague rationale behind naming the two kittens at the shelter rang in Erwin’s mind. He hadn’t been able to shake the advice Hanji had given him from his head either. He anxiously tapped his pointer finger down on the surface of the wooden dining room table before hesitantly lifting his hands.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard of his laptop momentarily as he thought about it, before he quickly began to type into the search tab:

_Isabel Farlan_

He almost held his breath as he clicked search. He knew he was doing the wrong thing, yet the devil on his shoulder had been nagging at him all evening to succumb to his curiosity.

He narrowed his eyes and leaned closer into the screen of his laptop as the search results loaded in front of him and was stunned by the top article that came up from what seemed to be a local newspaper. It had been posted over six years ago.

**Two Killed, One Severely Injured in Drunk Driving Accident.**

Erwin closed the tab immediately.

It took him less than five seconds for the internet to pull him into a world where he didn’t belong. He had entered a narrative that he was not welcome in and had no right being a part of.

A prolonged sigh escaped him as he slumped back in his chair. He hadn’t opened the article or even read the description under the tab, but something told him that it had to do with Levi. He was certain that his name would be littered all over the news article followed by inaccurate descriptions of what had gone on. He didn’t want to read the article, or any others regarding the matter. He wanted to hear it from Levi.

Nonetheless, he felt like shit for attempting to pry when he knew it was wrong.

His head ached. It spun and felt cramped because he could not get Levi out of his mind and wanted to act on it but had to refrain. He had no idea that the other man was experiencing the exact same feelings, yet he was being pained by the idea of cutting Erwin off as a sort of defense mechanism.

Erwin wanted to act on it. For the first time since he had met Levi, he was fully aware of what he wanted from him. He had only known him for a short period of time, yet it took no more than that brief window to become so mesmerized by one individual that he needed to be the one person Levi would let in.

The best he could do to act on his urge was to call the other man. Hesitating for a moment, he clicked on Levi’s contact name and pressed his phone against his ear as he called him, leaning forwards and resting his head within his palm.

“Hey...”

The voice seemed exceptionally agitated and half-awake.

“Oh, shit... Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.” Erwin blurted out, a wave of guilt immediately crashing over him.

“Yeah, you did.” Levi’s tone was low and unamused. “What do you need?”

Erwin paused for a moment. There was nothing that he _needed._ In that moment, he knew he was selfish in the sense that he was acting on what it was that he _wanted._ He wanted Levi to be present for him in one way or another.

“Um... I just wanted to see how you were. You said you had a lot going on today.”

“Yeah, I did, and I’m pretty _tired_ after all of it so I was asleep until a moment ago...”

Erwin bit his lower lip. He hated this interaction over the phone with a burning passion and was beginning to feel progressively helpless.

“I’m sorry I won’t keep you for long... Are you busy on Tuesday though?”

“I have work and a class in the afternoon. I can’t do weekdays.”

“Okay... How about this w- “

“Don’t you have a huge event going on that you have to worry about?”

Erwin clenched his jaw. His head was beginning to burn with aggravation with his failure to understand the other man. “I... Yeah... But I want to take time out of my day to see you too.”

“Why.” Levi sneered over the other line. The way Levi delivered such a small word sent a chill straight down Erwin’s spine.

“I...” He paused for a moment, considering how transparent he wanted to be with Levi. “I want to get to know you better. I can’t stop thinking about you.” He finally admitted after a moment of hesitation. He felt as though time was passing in slow motion as a result of the silence that followed his remark. He could feel his palms sweating.

“Erwin, I don’t think we should be talking anymore. Not like this.”

Erwin’s eyes widened as Levi’s statement began to repeat over and over again in his mind, causing a pit to form in his chest. The comment made him feel physical pain, and he wanted to start yelling into the phone, yet he remained silent.

“Oh.” He murmured into the microphone, his tone was full of defeat.

“Let me know if you still want to work on organizing an event. Goodnight Erwin.” Levi added before hanging up. Erwin was frozen as he pressed the phone to his ear, listening to the line buzzing on the other end after the call had been terminated. He wanted to sink into the floor.

Erwin Smith’s life had been handed to him for the past twenty-seven years, and this was the first time something he wanted had been so out of reach to him. This was the first time he had _lost_ something. And he didn’t know how to react to it. He wasn’t sure if he was sad, angry or just confused. He wanted to call Levi back, yet he knew that was wrong.

His head spun as he tried to wrap his head around the situation.

 _Was it me?_ He couldn’t stop convincing himself that he had done something to unintentionally drive Levi away, yet he genuinely could not understand what he had done.

* * *

Levi stared up at the ceiling in his small bedroom. His phone lay right next to his head after he had just hung up the phone with Erwin. He wasn’t certain how he felt.

He knew Petra would never forgive him for this.

He knew everyone around him would give him a hard time for ‘throwing away such an amazing opportunity that was right in front of his face.’

Yet he had no idea how _he_ felt about what he had just done.

All he knew was that it wasn’t something he felt good about. There was a small piece of him that was begging to let Erwin into his life, pleading for him to let his guard down and allow him to open up to Erwin. There was something about his warm persistence that stuck with Levi. He had never met someone who had wanted to be around him as much as Erwin did and it tempted him to allow his stone-cold exterior to melt in front of the other man. His walls were up on all sides and he was very rough around the edges, yet he was tired, and the small piece of him that he had managed to tuck away that wanted to be soft and vulnerable was beginning to grow.

He had shut Erwin out as soon as that piece of him was beginning to slip through his icy exterior and he couldn’t decide if it was for the best or if he would regret it in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!! likes, comments, subscriptions and bookmarks are always appreciated <3


	9. harsh reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petra gives Levi some tough love before the whole group has to coexist in a space for a charity event

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been having a great time executing my vision for this story that i thought of, this is the first time i've ever written something with chapters and an extensive plot and i've been enjoying it so far and i hope everyone reading has been liking it as well!  
> unfortunately, updates may be a little slower than they have been over the past few weeks, i just moved into my new apartment at school and have been very busy with that and will soon be pretty busy with college as well, but i will do what i can to keep this fic updated when i have bits of free time!

With the exception of Levi and Erwin’s developing friendship coming to an abrupt halt, everyone’s lives proceeded as normal over the course of the next few weeks. The weather grew colder as October transitioned into November, and a majority of Trost’s residents were beginning to replace jack o-lanterns on their front doorsteps with Christmas lights strung about their properties as soon as Halloween passed.

Erwin and Hanji’s 5k event was a huge success, and they had raised a substantial sum of money for the shelter. Marco and Jean had submitted all of their college applications days later on the first of November, and although they were relieved that the application part was over, they were now nervously waiting to hear back from the schools. Both teenagers, as well as the majority of the seniors at Trost High, were assigned some branch of the community that they had to complete at least 20 hours of volunteer work for before the end of the semester.

Sasha and Connie were extremely bogged down with work for college. Marco and Armin were taking a lot more shifts during the week because the two undergraduate students barely had the hours to spare at this point, and they were scarcely seen around Sawney’s during the past few weeks. Hitch was beginning to get the hang of her new job and was picking up her fair share of the slack they had left behind as well.

Petra and Oluo’s relationship was continuing to develop. Petra spent just as much time at his place as she did at her own and was becoming fairly acquainted with Oluo’s two housemates; Eld and Gunther. The four of them would do work for their graduate classes together at Sawney’s on the weekends and they would talk about each other’s lives. Both of the guys liked Petra a lot because she was personable and made great company. Eld and Petra seldom brought up Levi, who had been noticeably more irritable and closed off over the past few weeks. He always declined when either Petra or Eld asked if he wanted to go to Sawney’s, and she noticed he had been in the habit of going to work or the shelter and going straight home afterwards. He kept in touch with Eld, yet they only talked when Eld needed him as his sponsor or to attend AA meetings. They hadn’t been talking about obscure nothingness as _friends_ in a little while.

Levi hadn’t explained his situation with Erwin to anyone except for Petra and Eld, and even when he did, he would simply tell them that they were strictly business partners and not explain any further.

The adoption event was still due to happen in a week. Levi and Hanji were doing more of the back-and-forth when it came to organizing the event, and Erwin knew that it was because Levi was avoiding him.

Erwin didn’t go parading around saying he was more mature than Levi in the situation, yet he wasn’t going out of his way to avoid the other man like Levi was. He was a bit hurt that they weren’t talking because he had grown to like him, yet he had been so removed from the idea of pursuing any relationships for so long that this feeling wasn’t very foreign to him. If anything, he felt like he had simply gone back to normal. His history with Levi was brief enough that he didn’t have any reason to wallow in the misfortune of their circumstances.

Nonetheless, he had been going out of his way to get in contact with Nile from the animal shelter. The two of them exchanged emails involving fundraising and potentially buying the place from him. Nile was hesitant, yet not entirely opposed to the idea. He was not particularly attached to the shelter, or Trost as a place in general.

Erwin would try to go to the shelter twice or three times a week. He picked the times when he knew Levi had a class or was working at the thrift store so they wouldn’t cross paths. Every time he went in, he worked on his relationship with Abel. The dog hated Erwin at first. He was much taller and bigger than Levi was, and the mutt would bark and growl whenever Erwin attempted to approach him.

Erwin demonstrated extreme patience with the dog. He would leave and come back, giving him treats and speaking to him in a gentle manner. He had been doing this for about three weeks, and Abel would now allow Erwin into the cage with him. He hadn’t attempted to put a collar around his neck to take him for a walk quite yet, but he was able to sit with the dog and pat him, and he would wag his tail and nuzzle up against the blonde man. He was comforted by Erwin and was beginning to look forward to his presence.

Erwin had spent about an hour that afternoon at the animal shelter with Abel. On his way out, he almost bumped into someone in the doorway as they attempted to walk in. He was taken aback by the dark-haired individual standing in front of him.

“Marco?”

“Oh, hey Erwin! What are you doing here?” The freckly-faced teenager asked, looking up at him with wide and curious eyes.

“Oh, I’ve been coming in here a bit. Me and the owner have been talking about some changes we might try and make with this place...”

“That’s great!” Marco said, taking a quick look around. “It could definitely use a change or two...” He commented in regard to the gloomy appearance of the facility. “I’ve been coming here for about two weeks now, me and a few other kids got picked to do some community service hours at the animal shelter. We come in at separate times because we were told we shouldn’t crowd the animals.”

“Oh, that’s awesome Marco. Why didn’t you tell me?” Erwin questioned. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized Marco had been a bit distant lately.

“I’ve been really busy, sorry.” Was all the teenager’s reply consisted of.

“I get it...” Erwin sighed, before looking back into the dog room that they were standing in the doorway of. “Have you met the dog at the end at all?” He asked, glancing over to the cage at the end of the room where Abel ‘lived.’

“Oh, Abel? He’s a sweetie, even though he’s pretty scary when you don’t know him.”

Erwin was stunned by Marco’s response, which couldn’t have been any more fantastic in his mind than it was. “Oh, wow. That’s great you’ve been trying to get along with him. He really hated me at first.” A breath of laughter escaped him as a faint smile crossed his face.

“Yeah. I’m nervous though, Erwin. That nobody is going to want to take him before the holidays...” Marco’s voice trailed a bit by the end of his remark, and the smile fell gradually from Erwin’s face as well.

“Hey, that won’t happen.” Erwin promised, placing a gentle hand on Marco’s shoulder. “Not if I have anything to do with it.” He finished, attempting to console the younger individual. “I have to head out, but I’ll see you back at home, okay?”

“Okay, see you tonight Erwin. Maybe we can come in here together sometime?”

Erwin nodded. “Sounds good. Catch you later kiddo.” He dismissed Marco before turning and walking across the lobby to make his way out into the parking lot.

* * *

“I can’t fucking believe you.”

Petra’s voice was distant and angry as Levi finished explaining his reasons for cutting ties with Erwin. The two were alone in their apartment that evening and were sitting across from each other in the windowsill in their living room which they had decorated with a plethora of hanging and potted plants, ivy, and dainty little string lights with copper wire.

His change in attitude had become too prevalent for her to ignore any longer, and she had finally confronted him about it when they had a moment alone.

“It’s better this way.” Levi’s gloomy tone wasn’t convincing to Petra in the slightest as he attempted to explain why Erwin was nothing but a block in the road of life he was traveling on.

“Levi, c’mon. You and I both know that you _liked_ him.” Petra started. Levi didn’t respond, he simply glared over at her as he prepared for the extensive tangent he knew she was about to embark on.

“You didn’t even give it a chance. You guys talked for what, a week? How are you supposed to know if someone is going to be a bad idea for you before you know a single thing about them?” She continued, Levi’s expression only growing more aggravated.

“I didn’t want to run that risk.” He murmured, his eyes and Petra’s locked on one another.

“Risk of what? What is it _exactly_ that you’re afraid of?”

Petra’s comment hit a nerve with Levi, and he leaned forwards, his remark that followed coming out in a snappy tone that was clouded with anger. He didn’t usually yell. “You _know_ why, Petra! You’re the only one who was there for it! You should fucking get it!” He paused, noting that her expression had also shifted into a stunned glare.

“I’m afraid of things between me and _anyone_ fucking up badly enough that it makes me want to drink again! I almost _died, twice_. I don’t think people get third chances in life.” He barked out at his friend. “I have been just _fine_ the way things are, and that’s how they’re going to stay. It helps me to use others as a distraction from my own- “

“Would you _shut. Up._ About this focusing on other people bullshit!?” Petra finally snapped; her voice rose even higher than Levi’s as she cut him off. “I fucking get it! We all fucking get it! Congratulations Levi, you’re self-aware. You’re more concerned with other people’s issues than your own and you’re trying to help but you are only _hurting_ yourself and everyone around you by ignoring your own issues!”

Levi had leaned back against the window sill and was glaring over at Petra, his upper lip curled slightly back in disgust, yet he listened, nonetheless.

“You shut everyone out because you want to act all tough in front of other people because you’re afraid to look vulnerable or admit to yourself or anyone around you that you need help! You’ve been going to AA and that’s been helping you, but you’ve convinced yourself that it was fixing the only problem you had when that’s not the case at all! You’ve been sober for six years. The slope can’t still be that slippery... It’s something else that you’re scared of. You want to be self-sufficient all the time and god forbid you burdened someone with being concerned for your well-being. Well guess what? That has been _my_ job for six years because you haven’t been able to talk to a _single_ other person! And finally, someone comes along that seems to want to talk to you about these things and wants to be there for you and you cut them out of your life because you _know_ that too.”

Levi didn’t say anything. He had broken eye contact with Petra at this point and the hostile glare had fallen from his expression. He simply waited to see if she had anything else to say to him. Her words hurt him the most because he knew she was right. He had failed to recognize that in his attempt to lift the burden of his own issues from those around him, they had been falling singlehandedly onto Petra for too long.

“I wouldn’t even bother bringing this up if I didn’t think Erwin would be good for you... He’s such a sensible person and he seems so caring, and the fact that he’s as interested in you as he is shouldn’t be something you take lightly because he doesn’t seem like the type of person who goes after just anybody...” Petra added, her tone calming down a bit when she realized that she had gotten through to Levi. “You don’t need to act so tough and scary around everyone to protect yourself. Sometimes you can do yourself the most good by letting other people see through the front you put up. I’m not saying you need to be all soft and gushy around everyone, but you should have someone who you can cry to and stuff like that when you need to.” She finally paused, surprised by how thoroughly upset Levi looked.

He finally turned up to look at Petra, and it was apparent that his eyes had grown a bit watery. His gaze met hers for a brief moment before he looked out the window. With the exception of the glow from the street lamps, golden light seeping through some of the neighbor’s windows and the flashes of passing cars, he could see his and Petra’s own reflections staring back at them.

“I don’t know...” He finally murmured, resting his cheek within his palm. “This isn’t something I’m used to navigating, you know?”

Petra adjusted her posture, her expression lightening back up. “Well, you’re talking to the right person if you need relationship advice.” She proudly stated, a smile creeping up across the corners of her mouth.

Levi turned back towards Petra, a faint, tired smile appearing on his face. “That would be nice...” He admitted, tucking his knees into his chest.

“Well...” Petra started. “What is it that you _want_ from him? Say you were to paint a perfect picture in your mind.”

Levi didn’t respond right away. Instead, he continued to glance out the window at the passing cars as they zipped by along the street outside of their apartment complex. “Um... I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop giving him a hard time, but I guess it would be nice to be able to loosen up a bit around him... Not in front of other people though, or even when we’re in public.” His face remained stoic. He felt like a child envisioning an ideal world that was centered around being in a relationship with someone else. “I don’t know. Maybe I just need a therapist.” He finally joked, grinning a bit in his own amusement.

“Well, I think _you_ owe _him_ an apology after what you said. He’s not gonna approach you unless you say something first because you made it abundantly clear to him that you wanted to be left alone. Don’t force it though, maybe talk to him after that charity event next Saturday... We’re all going to that, right?”

Levi nodded. “You’re right, I’ll talk to him.” He murmured, cringing on the inside with the thought of how tense it would be. He had been avoiding public spaces more than usual in an attempt to prevent himself from running into Erwin, but there was no way around them being in the same space on the following Saturday at the event he was coordinating with Hanji and the rest of the workers at the animal shelter. It was a multi-faceted event that was being hosted in the spacious community center-esque main space in the homeless shelter that Erwin ran. Multiple local organizations and businesses would be setting up booths, and a lot of local supporters of Erwin’s nonprofit were doing an outstanding job of promoting the event. Levi had convinced Rico and Petra to help him out at the booth for the animal shelter, since the few employees that worked there weren’t severely concerned with the place whatsoever beyond receiving a paycheck from it.

“Good.” Petra chimed, a smile forming over her expression. “We’re probably all going to get dinner as a big group afterwards... Me, Rico, Hitch, Hanji, Erwin, Mike, Connie and Sasha... Would you want to come?”

Levi thought about it for a moment. “That’s such a strange group.” He laughed after a quick pause. “Yeah, I’ll come, I guess. I’m gonna hate being there but whatever.”

“I’m glad!” Petra exclaimed. “I think everyone will be in a really good mood afterwards anyways, so we’ll all have plenty to talk about.” Levi shrugged a bit. “Whatever you say.” He dismissed his friend before he finally stood up, hopping off of the window ledge and walking over to the kitchen. “I’m making tea.” He announced to her as he set the kettle on the stovetop and turned the burner on.

“I’ll have a mug of chamomile.” Petra replied, standing up as well. It was a Thursday night, and Levi and Petra didn’t have many moments where it was just the two of them alone in their apartment anymore. They were usually extremely preoccupied with work of some sort, Rico and Hitch were over their place, and Petra was now spending almost half of her nights at Oluo’s. Petra would go out with her friends on Friday and Saturday nights and Levi hadn’t been accompanying them to their coffee shop outings during these past few weeks, so the two rarely caught each other in their downtime. Because of this, they appreciated it all that much more.

* * *

The remainder of the weekend went by as usual. Petra and Levi went to their respective classes and workplaces on Friday, Petra went out on Friday night with Oluo, and she probably spent over an hour roping Levi into her conundrum over what she wanted to wear. He would tell her that ‘she looked great’ in everything she picked out, yet that only made her panic more, asking him which option was _the best_ out of all of them.

“You know... He’s not the one if you’re freaking out this much over this. If he was a real one, you’d know he wouldn’t give a shit if you walked out wearing a brown paper bag.”

“You’re not helping! I want to look good for _me,_ not for _him!_ ”

“Keep telling yourself what you need to.” Levi teased, his tone monotonous. Petra had thankfully decided on a pair of black, high waisted jeans and a silvery white colored satin top with spaghetti straps and a cowl neck by the time their deliberation was interrupted with the sound of their doorbell ringing.

“Oh shit, okay, I’ll see you later!” Petra called out to Levi as she was already stumbling to put her shoes on and make her way over to the front door at the same time.

Saturday and Sunday were both uneventful. Levi had time to stop by at the shelter on both days, taking a short visit right before he had to meet up with Eld for AA. It was far too cold to walk that day, so he had his car with which he met Eld at the end of the street instead of in front of the other man’s house in case Oluo were to recognize the vehicle he shared with Petra.

“Hey!” The lanky blonde greeted Levi as he opened the door to the passenger seat and sat down next to him inside of the small, white car. Levi softened the volume of the music he had been playing on his way over so that they could talk on their short drive over to the community center.

“How was your weekend?” Levi asked as he turned over to face Eld while shifting the car from park to drive and pulling back out onto the street.

“It was good! I actually went on a run with Gunther and Oluo this morning.” He proudly announced. “I could keep up with them, which I wasn’t expecting.”

Eld’s comment elicited a vague smile from Levi. “That’s great, I’m proud of you.” He affirmed as he made his way down the main road which was thoroughly lit with an array of stop signs, street lamps and holiday string lights. “You only called me once this week... You’ve been doing great Eld.”

A warm and genuine smile crossed the other man’s face. “Yeah, it’s been two weeks since I’ve had a drink... It’s hardest in the morning, but my grades in my classes have been up and one of the guys I work with said I seemed like I was in a much better mood lately... Listen, I really don’t know how to thank you- “

“There’s no need. You’re the only one you can thank.”

Eld fell silent, nodding. “Yeah.” His tone was soft as he leaned back into the leather car seat, watching the road pass by in front of them.

The remainder of the week went by agonizingly slow. Levi’s patience was paper-thin as he sat through some of his urban planning classes, and his shifts at the thrift store seemed painfully longer than usual. He was glad though, that he had these things to keep his mind occupied while the thought of the upcoming event began to loom over him like a dark cloud as it grew closer and closer.

Hanji had gotten into the habit of sending Levi frequent texts regarding any updates on the fundraiser. He had no problem responding to them, yet he was always cautious to make sure everything he said was exceptionally professional in case any of his messages were relayed to Erwin. He tried not to think about it though, he knew it would be better for everyone involved with the fundraiser if he kept his personal matters out of it.

* * *

On Saturday morning, Levi rose slowly on his own. Over the past few years, he had conditioned himself into going to bed relatively early and waking up at the crack of dawn to go for a run, and this habit had molded him into a morning person. It was a little bit after seven o’clock and rays of golden sunlight were seeping through his windows and onto his bed, which was nestled into a corner of his relatively small bedroom.

He blinked a few times, laying there before he slowly sat himself up, squinting his eyes as they adjusted to the sunlight that shone on his face.

He hadn’t seen or spoken to Erwin in nearly four weeks. Today would be the first day in almost a month that he’d be in the same place as him at the same time, and he tried to push his apprehensions regarding that situation aside as he got up. In the bathroom he washed his face and moisturized it so that his skin was particularly dewy, brushing his teeth before applying his usual little flick of black eyeliner and a layer of mascara. That was always the extent of the makeup he would wear. Petra would sometimes pester him to be more _adventurous_ and do some heavy, colorful smoky eye with jawline-chiseling contour ‘like some of the boys who did makeup on YouTube’ yet he had no desire to go beyond what he was already doing. He liked to keep it simple. He was complicated enough as it was, he didn’t need some clown looking face makeup to add to it.

Walking into his bedroom, he analyzed himself in the mirror as he took off the oversized t-shirt he had worn to bed and folded it neatly, placing it on the edge of his unmade bed. He fixed his hair a bit in the mirror before pulling one of the drawers in his dresser open. He grabbed a pair of light beige overalls out of the drawer and threw them over the edge of the bed before going to his closet and grabbing a chunky knit black turtleneck sweater. He probably owned at least five different black sweaters, and whenever Petra tried to confront him about it, he would tell her that they were all different and explain exactly why he _needed_ each one. He pulled the sweater over his head and slid his arms into the sleeves, fixing his hair a second time before grabbing the overalls and stepping into them. He grabbed a belt from his top drawer and used it to tighten the waistline on the overalls before he slipped on a pair of socks and chunky white sneakers.

Levi was always very meticulous about his appearance. If he didn’t feel or look great, he wouldn’t usually leave the house. He never let other people see him in public without having put at least some effort into the way he looked. His hair was parted close to the center and it fell in a way that framed both sides of his face. He grabbed two necklaces; the little zodiac pendant he tended to wear and a slightly longer one that was a thin, dainty silver chain. After clasping them both around his neck, he made his bed quickly before walking out of his bedroom to find Petra in the kitchen. He could tell by her disheveled hair and tired eyes that she had recently woken up. She was pouring herself a cup of freshly brewed coffee when she noticed Levi.

“Good morning sunshine!” She piped out before stretching her arms in front of her face with a wide yawn. Placing the pot of hot coffee down on the counter, she held her mug in both hands and took a feeble sip.

“Hey.” Levi replied, walking over to the stove so he could place the tea kettle over the burner and begin heating it up.

“How are you feeling about today?” She asked, arching her brows as she turned her head to look over at her friend.

“Fine.” His response was vague as he looked down at the little blue and orange flame on the gas burner of the stove.

“You look nice. I’ve gotta go get ready. What time do we need to be there again?” Petra asked as she took another sip of her coffee.

“Um, we have to get there around nine-thirty to set up, but it doesn’t really start until eleven.”

“Sounds good.” Petra replied as she hurried off into her bedroom to get ready. Levi watched her for a moment before grabbing his phone out of his pocket to see if Hanji had said anything. He grimaced as he looked at his notifications, of course that nosy freak had made a _group chat_ with him and Erwin on the day of the event.

Hanji Zoë

[7:16 am] Good morning! Hopefully you two can show up closer to 9. Some volunteers backed out last minute.

Erwin Smith

[7:25 am] Okay! That won’t be too much of an issue?

Hanji Zoë

[7:26 am] No, their roles weren’t too important. Won’t miss them.

Erwin Smith

[7:28 am} Hahaha

Hanji Zoë

[7:31 am] Is that okay with you too Levi?

The chat had fallen silent after that, and Levi simply stared as his phone screen as he heard the tea kettle on the stove beside him begin to hiss quietly.

[7:43 am] yeah

Hanji Zoë

[7:44 am] Great! See you guys soon :D

Levi narrowed his eyes, abruptly sliding his phone back into the pocket of his overalls. The tea kettle gradually began to whistle louder and louder until it got to a point where it rung in his ears and the steam was blowing out of the small opening at the end of the spout. He lifted it off of the burner and poured the boiling water into his mug before setting it down and dipping a bag of green tea into the water.

He leaned against the kitchen counter, gently blowing on the tea until it was temperate enough to take a sip. He glanced out of the living room window, his expression particularly serene as he slowly slipped away into the universe of his own thoughts for a moment.

The moment he began to zone out, he pictured Erwin.

He wasn’t imagining any particular scenario, a few snapshots of him from when he had interacted with the man just flashed across his mind, which led Levi to blink a few times to shake the thought. He dreaded seeing him today. He dreaded any potential interactions they may have. He feared that Erwin would approach him and give him a piece of his mind before Levi could explain to him how he felt. He feared that Erwin would be angry and spit venomous words at him, yet what hurt him even more was that he knew he deserved it.

Eventually, Petra emerged from her room. She was wearing a burnt orange sweater which she had tucked into a light blue pair of high waisted jeans and a black leather belt that held them up relatively high on her waist. She had on a dainty gold pendant necklace and little hoop earrings on, and she had tied her hair back so that the top half was up in a bun and the other half was still down. A few tendrils fell out in the front on either side of her face. Her coffee mug was empty by the time she returned from getting ready and was noticeably more awake than she had been the last time she was in the kitchen.

“Okay, it’s 8:10. Rico and Hitch should be here at 8:30 and we can just make breakfast together and all head over a little bit after ni- “

“I have to be there at nine, apparently.” Levi cut her off. Petra glanced over at him for a moment, her eyes narrowed as she attempted to fully register his statement. “...Okay.” She replied as she opened up the fridge and grabbed a carton of eggs and a few different vegetables.

“Hanji said so, I guess it’s a little more short-staffed than they had thought.”

“Got it.” Petra nodded as she grabbed a pan and set it on the same burner Levi had just been using to boil tea.

Petra had nearly finished cooking up some combination of scrambled eggs and vegetables by the time Rico and Hitch began knocking on the front door.

“Good morning my fellow upstanding citizens!” They could hear Hitch chiming from the other side of the door. Levi made note of Petra’s focused attention on whatever it was she was cooking and walked over to the door, unlocking it so that the two girls could burst through the front entrance. They were both dressed in a way that was relatively nice yet still on the casual side.

“Hey guys.” Levi greeted as he walked over to grab his black, sherpa-lined denim jacket from the coat hanger that sat right beside the front door.

“You’re leaving already?” Rico asked, arching a brow as she watched Levi slide his arms through the oversized sleeves of the coat.

Levi turned to face Rico. “Yeah, I organized this whole thing. I have to get there on the earlier side.” He deadpanned over to her as he adjusted his hair one more time, dismissing the three girls with a quick goodbye before making his way out the front door with the keys to he and Petra’s car in his hand.

* * *

Erwin and Hanji were instructing a few other business owners on where to start setting up when they heard the large front door swing open, a breeze of cold air blowing into the large space. Both of them turned to see familiar dark-haired and relatively short individual walk into the building, his hands in the pockets of a coat that practically swallowed him whole. Hanji quickly continued to explain how things would be working to one of the women who had been asking them questions, yet Erwin hesitated for another moment before his gaze finally diverted away from Levi. He could see the other man walking over to the other side of the room out of the corner of his eye, and couldn’t help but tune in as he heard him greeting some of the shelter volunteers and begin explaining to them what it was that they’d be responsible for that day.

Most of the volunteers were middle-aged women with their daughters. They were patrons to Erwin’s organization, and he had hand-picked a select few that he knew were extremely passionate about causes like his own to volunteer with the shelter and bring in homemade baked goods because he had high hopes that their energy would carry over onto that business as well.

“I’m going to have to stop by the shelter because we’re bringing a few cats over here.” Levi explained to the women who were beginning to set up behind the table. “It’s an adoption event. We promoted it as so, so a couple of the people coming in might genuinely be looking to adopt. They can’t just walk out of here with an animal, we have to do a little background check, but if someone comes by who is interested then find me or someone else who works here to talk to them about that. That’s not something for you guys to worry about.”

“Levi! There you are.”

Levi spun his head around as a familiar voice interrupted the spiel he was giving to the sizeable group of women in front of him. A faint smile crossed his expression at the sight of Hanji, who was beaming as always.

“Sorry to steal him from you ladies, thanks so much for coming in this morning!” Hanji chimed out to the group as they wrapped an arm around Levi’s shoulders. “Glad you could make it, kiddo!” They sang out, grinning down at the petite individual.

“Hey, thanks for doing all of this. I really appreciate it.” Levi remarked, making note of the people who were slowly beginning to filter in through the front door to help out. As he was talking, he couldn’t prevent his gaze from falling momentarily in Erwin’s direction before glancing back at Hanji. There were a few times when he did this that he would catch Erwin glancing back at him as he was talking with other people. Levi’s awareness of the fact that they were both conscious of each other’s presence only caused the tension in the room to become even heavier.

The strained energy between the two continued throughout the course of the day. More familiar faces began to crowd the spacious hall as Hanji and Erwin’s exuberant social media presences drew in a large amount of community members.

Levi felt like he was reciting the same thing over and over when people would ask him about the animal shelter. His patience grew thinner and thinner after every time he heard someone mention how shocked they were that they had never heard of it before. Nonetheless, he was happy to explain the financial situation of the shelter and how helpful any possible donation would be to the circumstances of both the animals and the facility. The presence of a few cute cats at the booth definitely helped to draw in more attention as well.

“Hey, how’s it going over here?”

Levi had zoned out for a moment when there was a brief pause in the rush of people floating from booth to booth. He was staring blankly at a clipboard with a list of people’s names and email addresses to be added to a weekly newsletter for the shelter when he heard a familiar voice that sent a chill down his spine.

He hesitated for a moment before turning to face the tall blonde standing a few feet away from him, his usual friendly expression across his face.

“Oh, hey.” Levi started, clutching the clip board a bit closer to his chest. “It’s going really good, actually...” He paused to take a quick look at the table of baked goods that stood nearby him. The event had been going on for a few hours at this point and the table was more than halfway cleared out. “Um... I don’t think I would have been able to do something like this without your help, so, thanks.” He added, barely able to make direct eye contact with Erwin for more than a few brief moments at a time as he spoke. He always felt like a complete loser and a total fool whenever he attempted to act friendly or genuine in front of anyone, yet he knew he had to get his act together and make it abundantly clear to Erwin that he wanted to extend an olive branch.

“Glad I could help.” Erwin chimed out, giving Levi a faint smile before turning and walking off. Levi listened as he asked the people running the next booth over the same question he had just asked him, using the exact same tone of voice he had spoken to him with.

_Strictly business._

Some parts of the day flew by, yet others felt like they were drawn out for centuries. By the time four-thirty in the afternoon rolled around, enough of the visitors and donators had cleared out that the volunteers were able to begin clearing up their booths.

Petra was sitting on a stool right beside where Levi was standing as they watched the less established volunteers do all of the heavy lifting. She had a laptop out in front of her and was adding the email addresses from Levi’s clipboard onto a mailing list, Levi watching intently as she did so since he was admittedly terrible with computers.

“You guys are coming to dinner, right?” Both of their heads turned from Petra’s computer screen to see Hanji walking over to them. “There was an amazing turnout today, by the way!”

“Yeah, we’ll be there!” Petra excitedly replied. Levi nodded.

“Alright, sounds good!” Hanji exclaimed before walking off.

* * *

Levi was a little bit late to meet everyone else at the restaurant, which was unlike him. He had to drive the donation bin and some of the animals back to the shelter, settle them back in, get in touch with some of the interested adopters and set up appointments for them to come meet the animals, put the cash that had been put into the donation box away into a safe space, and of course, check on Abel.

It had been almost four weeks since Levi had brought Erwin in to meet him, and the dog was one of the only ones who was still at the shelter who had been there a month ago. He didn’t have time to stay, he just stopped by and said hi before doing the same for Bird. He had ended up naming the last kitten Sawney after the coffee shop and they were about a month old now. A few of them were starting to open their eyes for short periods of time and they were significantly bigger and louder than they had previously been.

Levi smiled at the five little kittens and Bird before making his way out of the shelter to meet up with everyone else at the restaurant.

Everyone else was already there by the time Levi showed up. Petra had saved a seat beside her for him, and they were across from Rico and Hitch. The four of them were on the end, Sasha, Connie and Hanji closer to the center of the table and Mike and Erwin were all the way at the other side. Levi glanced over at him for a moment yet the two did not make eye contact.

Nothing astronomically terrible happened at dinner. Everyone had a good time and was more than willing to share stories about certain interactions with interesting characters at the fundraiser that day, as well as taking about lighthearted attributes of their personal lives that would make everyone laugh.

It was completely dark outside by the time they wrapped up at the restaurant. Erwin slid his jacket on over his clothes as the large group began to dismiss one another. He walked out with Mike, the two taller blondes chatting about nothing of utmost importance as they made their way through the aisles of the restaurant, bidding the hostess at the front booth goodnight before walking out into the cold, November air that waited for them outside. The wind stung at the tips of their ears and their noses as they trudged into the parking lot with their heads turned downwards and their hands nestled deep within their coat pockets.

“Alright, thanks for coming out today.” Erwin turned towards Mike, and the two exchanged a slow sideways high-five that evolved into a shake of their hands.

“Any time. Have a good rest of your weekend.” Mike replied with a smile before walking over to his car. Erwin had just about reached his own vehicle when he heard a low, familiar voice calling his name from only a few feet behind him.

“Hey.” Erwin responded as he turned around to see Levi standing there, his hands in his pockets and his chin buried into the neckline of his turtleneck sweater.

“Are you busy?” Levi asked, shuffling his feet in and out for a moment as he leaned slightly back, his silvery gaze meeting Erwin’s.

“Not if I’m making time for you.” Erwin said, turning around and leaning against the exterior of his car, a soft smile making its way across his face. He hadn’t talked to Levi in almost a month and was slightly nervous with anticipation of what he might want.

“Ah...” Levi murmured, slightly flustered by Erwin’s remark as he reached into the pocket of his coat, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and pulling one out. He handed it right over to Erwin as if it were some odd form of a peace offering. “Here.” He quietly demanded. Erwin lifted it to his teeth and pulled his own lighter out of his coat pocket and lighting the end, taking a few quick puffs and exhaling off to the side.

“What’s up?” Erwin finally asked, holding the cigarette in between his middle and pointer fingers as he handed it back to Levi.

“Um...” The shorter man started, breaking eye contact for a moment as he took an inhale from the cigarette. “I’ve been thinking about how I kind of, you know... Cut you off really out of the blue.”

Levi hated where this was going.

“Yeah?” Erwin replied after he noticed that Levi had paused for a prolonged amount of time.

“Yeah, so... That was really fucking dumb of me.” He eventually continued. “If you want, and I totally get it if you don’t... I wouldn’t want to be involved with me either... I want to try and get to know you, for real this time, not me just acting all standoffish and making you beg for a crumb of reciprocation from me... That’s not really fair to you.”

Erwin’s expression had softened as he listened to Levi’s proposition, and his face quickly shifted into a gentle smile. “If that’s what you want... I can tell someone convinced you to talk to me, I know you wouldn’t have said that on your own.”

Levi was slightly taken aback by that and had to think about it for a moment because Erwin was right. Was it really that he missed talking to Erwin or was he doing this to appease Petra? He cursed himself mentally for thinking that way because he knew deep down that he wanted to be involved with the blonde man standing right across from him. Before speaking, he took another deep breath of cigarette smoke before passing it back to Erwin, the cloud filtering slowly out through his nose before he blew the rest of it off to the side.

“You got me there.” He admitted to him. “I wouldn’t have said anything in the first place if I thought it was total bullshit, though. So, take that as a compliment.” He looked up at Erwin, his tone of voice was sarcastic and rude as it usually was. Erwin couldn’t deny the fact that he loved it.

“Okay, tomorrow.” Erwin was quick to blurt out. “I want to go to that place that you said you painted the mural for... You know, the one with all the arugula.”

Levi widened his eyes a bit at the specificity of Erwin’s suggestion, and his mind quickly wandered to one of the first brief interactions he had with Erwin when he had mentioned that place to him. The fact that he had remembered such minor details made his head whirr with a plethora of mixed emotions. He felt guilty for acting so shitty to him when he realized that Erwin was taking the time to consider and retain just about everything he said to him.

“Yeah... That sounds good.” His tone was softer. He hated everything about this interaction, he felt vulnerable and submissive and hated the fact that he was admitting he was wrong in front of somebody.

“Okay!” Erwin exclaimed, taking one hand out of his pockets to hold the cigarette in between his two fingers as Levi handed it to him. “Meet me there at one-thirty.” He added. He knew Levi would decline any offer to be picked up on the way.

“Sure. Okay, goodnight Erwin.” Levi started as he turned partially away from the other man yet didn’t break his gaze quite yet. “Thanks for all the help today.” He added before sliding his hands into his jacket pockets and walking off to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!!! likes, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions are much appreciated <3


	10. somebody to lean on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin feels like he's finally getting somewhere with Levi until Sasha gives him some surprising news.

“Hey you~” Erwin chimed out with a smile that Sunday afternoon to acknowledge Levi as he walked up to him outside of the quaint little restaurant he had decided to meet him at. This place wasn’t exciting to Levi, since he had spent around three or four mornings a week there for the past month and a half to paint the entirety of one of the walls on the inside.

“Hi.” Levi looked up at Erwin. Even though it was one of the coldest days there had been so far, they resumed their bad habit of sharing a cigarette with each other before they stepped into any restaurant they went to. Levi was definitely worse off in that regard than Erwin, since he started smoking a lot more after he had gone to rehab for alcohol abuse. Erwin was the one who pulled a Marlboro out of his coat pocket, handing it to Levi and lighting it as the shorter man held it in between his teeth.

Levi’s eyelids lowered a bit and his hair fell perfectly, a few strands falling over his sharp, silver eyes. Erwin didn’t even try to deny the fact that he was extremely attracted to him in a physical sense, and he would always become so mesmerized by some of the smallest things he would do.

“Thanks.” Levi added as he grabbed the cigarette from his mouth and held it in between his two fingers for a moment as he blew out before handing it off to Erwin. He looked up at the taller blonde as he placed his hands into the pockets of his coat. “I hope you didn’t come here with the expectation that I painted the Sistine Chapel in there. I’m garbage at art.”

“I’m sure you’re fantastic.” Erwin assured as he took a sharp inhale from the cigarette. “When did you start painting?”

Levi paused for a moment, his gaze diverting off to the side. “I always liked it when I was younger, but I didn’t start taking it seriously until about six years ago.”

Erwin’s mind immediately wandered to the the article he had seen for a brief moment on his laptop, and the fact that it had been put up around six years ago. It was an oddly specific amount of time that Levi had mentioned, so he figured it had to have been associated with something that had gone on in his life. He deeply regretted his attempt to pry into Levi’s personal life through the internet because he felt like he expected him to mention something he was already conscious of.

“Oh, that’s neat.” Erwin finally said after a short pause when he realized that he had drifted into the world of his own thoughts for a brief moment. He felt slightly embarrassed by the distant tone in his response and attempted to think of something else to talk about as he handed the cigarette back to Levi.

“It’s ironic, though.” Levi started before Erwin could conjure up some means of small talk. “Painting for me has always been very therapeutic, but this project was extremely stressful... I had to come in early in the morning before they opened, and I had to get it done by a certain deadline because they recently changed their hours, so they now open at like seven o’clock... And there’s no way I was going to go in there at four in the morning.” He continued as he grabbed the cigarette from Erwin.

“And I’m sure people show up! You wouldn’t catch me up at seven unless my life depended on it, let alone already out to breakfast.” Erwin exclaimed, glancing down at Levi as he spoke.

“Not a morning person, Erwin?” Levi noted, casting an amused glance up at the blonde.

“Ha... No. Are you?” He was slightly surprised. “I don’t know, you seemed like you slept through the whole morning and then stayed awake until the middle of the night... Kinda like a cat or something.”

“Just the opposite, actually.” A little smile crept up on the corners of Levi’s mouth as he took a breath of smoke. “That’s funny you say that... About me being like a cat.” He added, rolling his eyes aside at his own remark. “When I first brought you to the animal shelter, I thought that if you were an animal, you’d be a golden retriever.”

Erwin, with his hands back in the pockets of his coat to signify that Levi could finish the rest of the cigarette, smiled at the remark, thoroughly amused. “Really?!” He seemed excited about the remark. “I love those dogs, how so?”

“They’re big and way too friendly and they’re all up in your face.” Levi deadpanned, taking a final inhale from the cigarette before tossing it into a nearby trashcan as he turned to walk into the restaurant. Erwin didn’t have time to respond so he simply followed Levi, glad they were finally going inside and escaping from the chilly air.

“Oh, hey Levi!” The hostess noted as soon as they walked in. Most of the people who worked at the restaurant knew Levi since he was always in there painting while they were opening up.

“Hey. Just two of us.” Levi hid the fact that he couldn’t remember the majority of their names, including hers. The hostess gave him a brief and friendly nod as she grabbed two menus, instructing him to follow her inside. She led them over to a small, wooden table with a tiny flower vase and a candle in the center.

“Perfect, thanks.” Levi exclaimed as he sat down. Erwin hadn’t looked away from the wall that he had full view of from where he was sitting across from Levi. It was so complex, but so amusing. The mural was composed a plethora of brush strokes placed down in a way that was extremely abstract, but uniform enough that he could make out the shapes of what Levi had painted. There were multiple pairs of humans embracing or dancing together among large and unruly jungle plants, some of the human forms disfigured enough that Erwin couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. He’d never seen anything like it and was absolutely stunned.

When Erwin finally looked away from the mural and over to Levi, he noticed that the other man was staring right up at him as if he were waiting for him to break the silence. Erwin took another moment to admire his view; which consisted of Levi and the gigantic wall mural right behind him. He couldn’t help but notice how unlike Levi the project seemed. It was so colorful and exuberant and chaotic and loud, which differentiated from the soft-spoken individual sitting directly across from him. He was wearing a grey knit sweater that allowed the high neckline of a thinner, white turtleneck to be visible underneath. He had tucked the sweater into a pair of black jeans with a belt. He wore eyeliner as always and it looked as if he had just shaved the undercut that was partially hidden underneath his dark hair. Erwin smiled as soon as he recognized the little silver necklace with the pendant he was still stubbornly convinced was the letter N.

“I love this.” He finally said in regard to the mural before looking back at Levi, a grin crossing over his face. “I don’t know a thing about art, but I know that it’s beautiful.” He complimented. Levi never knew how to take compliments. He used to always shut them down until Petra reprimanded him for how annoying and self-deprecating it made him look. He hated how most people would react to being complimented with an enormous, gushy smile which was followed by a gasp and a prolonged ‘thank you!’ that was spoken multiple octaves above their normal tone of voice.

“It’s a bunch of people enjoying life.” Levi replied after a short pause. Erwin nodded, looking at the silhouettes of the figures. They were very abstract, but their overall physical attributes made it abundantly clear that they were gendered. It helped him recognize that some of the pairs dancing were same-sex couples while others were of the opposite.

“You’re very creative, Levi.” Erwin remarked, glancing back down at the other man. A waitress came over to the table with waters before Levi could respond to his comment. She poured waters into their glasses before asking if they wanted anything else to drink. Both of them declined and she nodded and walked off.

“Thanks. It’s an outlet, I guess. Obviously not this one so much but a lot of my more personal work is.” Levi explained, looking down at the ice cubes as they bobbed up and down in his glass for a moment.

“Oh? That’s good you have that.” Erwin replied. His response was vague, but his mind was flooded with a plethora of questions that Levi would probably think were too personal to answer. He wanted to have at least a basic understanding of the other man’s life but knew he wasn’t entitled to pry. Levi would tell him whatever he wanted to as time went on, yet he guessed it might be a while until the other man really started to open up to him. He reminded himself that he had only known Levi for a short period of time as well.

“Yeah.” Levi started before looking up at Erwin. “What about you? I feel like I live under a rock in Trost because apparently everyone and their mother knows who you are except me.” He paused, a vague and sinister grin creeping up the corners of his mouth. “All of those fucking women at the event yesterday made me want to blow my head off... They kept joking around about trying to set you up with their daughters, and then all the daughters would be like ‘mom, he’s gay’ and then the moms would be all ‘aww, that’s too bad...” He paused for a moment, his expression unimpressed. “I wanted to get all up in their business and ask why it’s ‘too bad’ that you were gay, but I didn’t have the energy to be controversial for no good reason.”

Erwin was looking over at Levi with wide eyes and an intrigued smile. He rarely went off on long tangents like that, and he had found his little story extremely amusing. He couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at Levi’s apparent distaste for middle-aged white women. “You should’ve! They probably would be too shocked to say anything. That would have been wicked funny.”

Levi rolled his eyes, a toothy grin crossing his face for a moment as he laughed out of his nose and glanced amusedly aside. “Yeah... Maybe next time.” He said, his tone low and sarcastic.

A few minutes passed by before the waitress returned to their table with a miniature notepad in one hand and a pen in the other.

“Are you two ready to order or do you need another minute with the menu?” She glanced over at both of them momentarily, yet her eyes landed on Erwin since he spoke first.

“Yeah, we’re ready.” Erwin replied for the both of them and Levi internally panicked for a moment because he hadn’t even picked up the menu to look at it. “I’ll get the salad with the quinoa and _arugula_ with chicken.” He requested, drawing out the word ‘arugula’ in a sarcastic way with the intent of bothering Levi.

“Okay!” The waitress responded before turning to face Levi. “And for you?”

“Same as him.” He snapped as he handed her his menu. The waitress gave the two of them an eager nod before walking off. Erwin grinned immediately over at Levi, who arched his brows in a way that was less than enthused.

“What!?” Erwin blurted out, widening his eyes.

“Nothing.” Levi deadpanned.

“I- okay.”

“Anyways.” Levi murmured, rolling his eyes. “I was going to stop by the animal shelter a bit after this if you wanted to join me... I named that last kitten Sawney, by the way. You know, after the coffee place you and your friends are somehow always at even though you’re fully functioning members of society with full time jobs and everything.”

Erwin let out a breath of laughter. “For someone your age, I think you make yourself way too busy, and you prefer to spend your free time flying solo instead of with others like the rest of us.” He noted with a shrug.

“The rest of us?” Levi sneered. “Did you just outgroup me?” Erwin could feel the blood rising to his face and his forehead heating up a bit because he genuinely could not tell if Levi was being sarcastic or not.

“Um...” Erwin’s tone lowered, and Levi began to laugh a bit at his obvious nervousness.

“I’m kidding.” He reassured with a grin after letting Erwin suffer for a few moments.

“You’re impossible.” Erwin sighed, smiling back at Levi. “I’m not kidding though. I’ve seen your friends at least once a week on some random occurrence, every week for the past few weeks... You make yourself the most distant.”

Levi didn’t know what to say right away. He had been avoiding Erwin which meant he hadn’t been frequenting at any of his usual public spots like Sawney’s, and he never went out with his friends on the weekends when they probably ran into Erwin. He could tell Erwin hated the fact that he was standoffish and mysterious, yet he still second guessed being more open with him.

“So, I take it you don’t want to come to the shelter?” Levi narrowed his eyes and arched his brows as he quickly changed the subject.

“I- no, I mean, I was going to say I wanted to come with you- “

Erwin paused before he could finish his sentence when he remembered the fact that he had been secretly bonding with Abel. He didn’t want to have to explain to Levi why he had been visiting the dog at the shelter multiple times a week since they had stopped talking and didn’t want to come off as creepy because he had been frequenting one of the same places Levi would stop by on a regular basis. He could feel his palms and forehead sweating a bit as he searched his mind to come up with an excuse fast enough that it wasn’t obvious he was making something up.

“But, I already promised Marco that I’d meet up with him after this... He’s been meaning to catch up and I’ve been doing a pretty shitty job spending time with him lately.”

Holding his phone underneath the table, he quickly opened his messages and asked Marco if he’d be available within the next hour.

“Oh, okay.” Levi replied, his tone devoid of any emotion. “That’s the kid you’re taking care of, right?”

“Yeah!” Erwin quickly blurted out, looking up from his phone screen. “You should meet him sometime, he’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.” He added with a smile. “Very sunshiny and peppy no matter what’s going on around him.”

“Ah, he and I seem very alike.” Levi replied, his tone so stoic that Erwin could barely differentiate when he was being sarcastic from when he wasn’t. He hated it sometimes, but at the same time he didn’t think he’d feel the same way he felt about Levi if he didn’t have the type of personality that was against the grain or unlike the majority. He was fascinated by every little thing about him.

* * *

It took time, but Erwin did find out little things about him as the unlikely pair began to spend more time together. Levi did end up meeting both Marco and Jean the following day after Erwin asked him if he wanted to meet him for coffee on Monday morning. His schedule had opened up a bit since he had completed painting the mural at the restaurant. Although Marco and Levi couldn’t have been any more different from one another, he was happy to listen when the teenager explained that he had been volunteering at the animal shelter and had become friendly with the dog, Abel, that Levi was so fond of. Thankfully for Erwin, Marco left out the fact that he had run into him there and discovered he was doing the same thing.

Erwin and Levi saw each other again on Wednesday, accompanied by both Hanji and Mike. The four of them continued to talk about ways to continue improving upon the animal shelter. Although their conversations were primarily business-oriented, Erwin couldn’t help the fact that he felt tense around Levi in public places. He had known the other man for over a month and didn’t think he had _touched_ him once. Not even in a physically intimate kind of way, more so in the sense that he wouldn’t so much as poke him. With the exception of their hands brushing against each other for the brief moments they would pass the cigarettes they were sharing back and forth, he hadn’t laid a finger on him since they exchanged a momentary hand shake the day that they met.

He had never hugged him as a greeting or when they were parting ways, they didn’t high five or exchange some odd hand shake whenever they saw one another, and Erwin was beginning to notice that more and more.

It wasn’t just him, though. Over the next few days, Erwin noticed that Levi never touched _anybody._ When he met Jean and Marco the day before, there was no friendly physical greeting, same with when he saw Hanji and Mike. He even recognized the fact that Levi didn’t show any form of physical affection around his closest friends, either.

“We’re all going to The Titan tonight, do you want to come with us?” Erwin asked Levi that Friday afternoon as the two of them walked out of an old, brick building. Levi had just shown Erwin the small room only a few blocks from his apartment that he rented out as a studio space for all of his painting. He explained to Erwin that shared the space with Petra and Rico, but he took art a lot more seriously than the other two.

“No- I can’t make it, I’m sorry.” Levi quickly shut the offer down, burying his hands into the pockets of his coat as soon as they stepped outside.

Pulling a cigarette out of his pocket, Erwin sighed and shook his head sideways. “You’re an enigma, you know? You disappear on the weekends. You have some weird side job that you only go to on Friday and Saturday night?”

Levi’s tone quickly became defensive as he snagged the cigarette out of Erwin’s hand when he passed it to him. “It’s none of your concern.” He growled, taking a few deep inhales.

All of the sirens in Erwin’s mind began to go off. This was one of those moments where he genuinely failed to understand what it was that Levi was so stubbornly hiding from him and everyone around him. He would agree to meet Erwin at certain locations, yet he had a habit of refusing every single time he invited him to come out with him and his friends on the weekend. He wasn’t usually the type of person to abandon pre-existing plans and change his schedule to follow somebody in particular, so he continued to wait to see if Levi ever said anything about his social absence that tended to occur from Friday to Sunday.

* * *

Two more weeks passed by and Erwin still hadn’t received an answer. He saw Levi on a regular basis and Hanji had even started to pester him on whether or not he would say the two were ‘dating.’ Erwin would always shrug and tell his friend that they were just hanging out, although he admittedly didn’t know whether there was any specific label to define whatever it was they were doing.

That Saturday morning was one of the coldest days the city of Trost had seen all year. November was coming to an end and it had snowed for the first time overnight. Levi stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked out of the animal shelter, the wind biting at the tips of his ears and stinging against his face as he walked over to his car. It was too cold for him to have any desire to take Abel for a walk that day, yet he spent some time with the dog inside nonetheless.

Levi had gotten into the habit of asking Nile on most days if anyone had been in contact with him in regard to adopting Abel, and the shelter owner’s responses only discouraged him further.

“No.” He would always start, before explaining that time was running out and he probably wouldn’t have to worry about the dog’s miserable life in the shelter much longer. The weather was getting colder and after the holidays, there would be a lot more animals coming in and it would be unlikely that they would have space for him anymore.

Nile would also remind Levi that after Christmas, it will have been four months since Abel had been brought into the shelter.

The thought of the dog he had spent so much time and effort bonding with being euthanized made Levi sick to his stomach as he made his way over to his little white car. He was meeting Erwin and some of his friends at a speakeasy café in the area of Trost that was slightly rougher around the edges than the district where Sawney’s was located. The owners of the underground café were holding an open mic, and they was going to support Marco, who had gotten the opportunity to perform live.

Marco had explained to Levi how he found solace in playing both the ukulele and the guitar. The two had recently bonded over art together when Levi told him how he had been painting as a stress reliever for a while. The teenager was beaming with excitement when he announced to Levi, Jean and Erwin that he had a little gig performing two songs at a community open mic, and the three were more than willing to attend.

Levi tried to rid his mind of the thought of Abel’s untimely demise as he started the car, cranking the heat up as high as he could as well as the volume on the music he was playing.

It took until he had reached the address Erwin had sent to him for the car to reach a temperature that was bearably warm enough. He had left his coat on the entire way over. It was too cold for him to get away with wearing a denim jacket on its own outside anymore, so he had on a puffy beige-colored coat that was oversized in the sleeves but was short enough that it didn’t fall much further than his waist. Underneath he had all black on; jeans, belt and thick tucked in sweater with a high neckline. The only exception to the black theme of his wardrobe were the white sneakers he had on.

He pulled into a parking spot on the street before getting out of his car and walking down the set of stairs that led to the front entrance of the building, where he was greeted with pleasantly warm air and a thick aroma of coffee and fresh baked goods the moment he opened the door.

Erwin, Jean and Marco were already there. Marco and Jean were talking at a table, yet Erwin noticed Levi the moment he stepped through the doorway. It was hard not to notice when somebody would walk in, for the open door sent a gust of cold air into the room.

“Hey!” Erwin called out as he walked up to Levi. He instinctively went to wrap his arm around the other man’s shoulder to usher him over to where he was sitting with Jean and Marco, yet ended up hovering right over him instead of grabbing him entirely.

“Hi.” Levi paused for a moment as he took his coat off and walked over to the table with Erwin. Most people were standing, yet there were a few high-top tables that surrounded a small stage tucked into the corner of the room. The tables were set up in a way so that the people sitting and the people standing were at eye level with one another to prevent anyone’s view from being blocked. He placed his coat down on one of the chairs before standing beside Erwin. A woman who looked to be in her early thirties was performing some acoustic covers, and half of the audience was listening in silence while the other half continued to talk over the live music.

“How was the shelter?” Erwin asked, turning down to face Levi, who stood right next to him with his arms crossed over each other, his weight resting on one hip. Levi turned away from the singer and looked up at Erwin. “Fine. Nile keeps giving me these grim ass reminders that Abel doesn’t have much time left unless he gets adopted soon. It makes me want to punch something. This dog deals with abuse its whole life and then gets to spend his last few months in a cage that people who convinced themselves they were doing god’s work put him in.” His face was plagued by an icy grimace as he spoke.

Erwin sighed through his nose and nodded, his expression sympathetic. “I know, that’s too bad...” He started, yet was interrupted when the audience began clapping as the woman finished the song she had been singing. She gave a small, performative bow before stepping off of the stage, and a charismatic man who Erwin and Levi assumed to be the owner of the place hopped eagerly up onto the stage.

“Alright everyone, that was amazing, thank you! Let’s give Jane another round of applause!” He exclaimed, his request eliciting some more profound cheers from the audience. After the crowd simmered down enough, the owner began to speak again.

“Alrighty, our next performer is...” He looked down at a little card he was holding in his hand. “Marco Bott!” He announced. Erwin beamed over at the teenager and gave him an affirmative thumbs up. Marco grinned back at him as he leapt up from his seat beside Jean and shuffled up onto the stage. The owner gave Marco a kind pat on the shoulder as he surrendered his place on the center of the stage to the freckly teenager. 

“Hi everyone!” Marco started, his tone of voice was soft and friendly as he gave the crowd a little wave. “My name is Marco, and I’m a senior at Trost High... And I have two songs for you today, hope you like them. You’ll probably know this first one pretty well.” He exclaimed with a smile as he nestled his ukulele within the crook of his elbow and held the top of the neck within his hand. He paused for a moment as his other hand hovered over the strings, before he began to strum the cords of _Lean on Me_ by Bill Withers. A few people in the audience began to sway gently as Marco continued to play the little string instrument. He was very skilled at what he was doing, and his voice accompanied the playing perfectly. His singing was like honey; smooth and sweet. Erwin was proud of Marco, and a soft smile crossed over his face as he watched the teenager up on stage as he performed.

As Marco continued to play and sing, Erwin began to drift into a little daze, tuning out the entire world around him as he listened to the rhythmic music. Marco would play ukulele or guitar in their apartment sometimes or for the other kids at the shelter, and he never failed to impress Erwin with his talents.

His little trip to his imaginary world was interrupted by a sudden pressure that he felt on his side, right underneath his shoulder. He snapped back to reality and turned to see Levi resting his head against his arm. He paused for a moment, taken aback by the brief display of affection presented by the shorter individual.

Hesitantly, he lifted his arm and wrapped his hand around Levi’s waist. There was no reaction from the other man as he did so, he simply adjusted himself to accommodate for Erwin’s moving arm. Neither of them said anything, they just continued to listen to Marco in silence, Levi pressed comfortably up against him.

Erwin couldn’t ignore the rush of serotonin that was flooding his brain. His heart jumped for a moment as he thought about vigorously embracing Levi, yet he kept that urge locked away in his mind.

Marco’s performance couldn’t have ended soon enough. He sang his own cover of _Moon River_ after the first song, which projected a wave of tranquil and somber energy amongst the crowd. Levi broke away from Erwin to clap for Marco as the entire audience erupted with applause and cheering for one of the youngest performers in the house. Erwin clapped as well, distracting himself from his brief moment with Levi as he walked over to the teenager and gave him a huge hug as he stepped offstage.

Levi stood right beside Erwin and across from Marco. Marco smiled down at Levi for a moment as Jean walked up to them as well, giving Marco a big hug and bidding him congratulations on his performance.

“That was great, kid.” Levi exclaimed, uncrossing his arms and sliding his hands into his pockets. “Do you do this a lot?”

“No, this is actually my first time performing on stage in front of people like that!” Marco admitted. Aside from playing for the other kids at the shelter, he had never gotten up in front of a real live audience before, and he felt great afterwards. He beamed as he looked up and down at the two, then over at Jean who had his arm wrapped around his shoulder.

“You’re a star~” Jean chimed, a big goofy grin across his face. Marco smiled, letting out a breath of laughter through his nose before looking back at the other two. “Thank you guys so much for coming!” He beamed, thankful that he had Erwin as a support system and that Levi was willing to encourage him even though he didn’t know him very well.

“I couldn’t get up in front of an audience if my life depended on it, so more power to you.” Levi said with a small smile.

“You did amazing, like always.” Erwin assured.

“Thanks, guys.” Marco started. “Jean and I are going to stick around for a bit, a few of our friends from school are here.” He continued. Erwin nodded.

He and Levi stayed at the speakeasy for a bit longer but talked off to the side to let Marco and Jean socialize with their friends from Trost High, yet they made sure to bid the two teens farewell when they grabbed their coats and made their way out of the establishment. Erwin followed Levi, who placed his hands in his coat pockets and pulled the puffy collar close to his face as soon as they stepped outside into the chilly late-November air.

“That was nice.” Levi remarked, looking up at Erwin, his breath visible in front of him.

Erwin nodded. He didn’t see Levi very often on the weekends, and it was nice that he got to see him on a Saturday. “Yeah.” He began, a vague smile across his face amidst his brief shivering as the cold wind seeped right through his multiple layers of clothing. “What are you up to for the rest of the weekend?” He asked, figuring that Levi would dismiss himself and make it abundantly clear that he was unavailable at least until Monday.

“Nothing, really. Do you want to stop by my place later?”

Erwin paused. Of all the responses he had anticipated from Levi, the one he had received was pretty close to the very bottom of the list. He had plans to go out with Hanji and Mike that night but didn’t even begin to question the fact that he would have to cancel on them. He had been the one making plans with Levi since they had met and was taken aback by his sudden straightforwardness. Levi had never been the one to ask Erwin to go anywhere or do anything specific.

“Oh- of course!” Erwin blurted out after a moment of hesitation, smiling down at him. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Levi nodded. “See ya.” He quickly dismissed the taller blonde before turning away and walking to his little white sedan that was parked close by to where they were standing on the sidewalk.

* * *

“Wow, I’ve been so out of the loop!” Sasha exclaimed from where she was sitting across from Erwin at the little table they were sitting at inside Sawney’s later that afternoon. It had been the first time in over a month that she and Connie didn’t have a super busy weekend and were able to meet up with Erwin and Hanji at their usual coffee shop to catch up for a bit after the two college students had a shift during the first half of the day.

“So, are you guys like _together_?” Connie asked, slightly confused after Erwin had filled them in on what his dynamic with Levi looked like. “You talked for a week... didn’t talk for a month, and now you’ve been talking for almost a month?”

“Pretty much.” Erwin shrugged as he took a sip of the steamy herbal tea he had ordered. “Um... We’ve been going out, but I don’t think I’d say we’re _together..._ We’ve never really talked about what it is that we’re doing actually... We kinda just do it.”

Sasha grinned. “Speaking of which, have you done it- “

“No.” Erwin cut her off abruptly, shutting the topic down before it could even begin. Sasha shrugged. “He’s not here, you don’t have to talk about him like he’s listening through his crystal ball in his cryptic little fortune teller cave.”

“He doesn’t live in a cave.” Erwin started, yet he stopped himself as he caught wind of the younger girl’s sarcasm. “I’ve never been to his place actually, maybe it is a cave. I’ll let you guys know.” He joked.

Sasha disregarded Erwin’s attempt to change the subject. “Have you even kissed him?”

Hanji began to laugh. “Are you kidding me? They don’t even hug each other. You really have to see these two in action. They act like they’re co-workers or some shit when we’re together in a group with the exception of the constant eye-fucking. It’s hilarious, actually.” They paused, turning from Sasha to Erwin. “You ever gonna do anything about that, or...?”

Erwin’s face was thoroughly unimpressed as he glanced over at Hanji, who was sitting right beside him. He hated everything about this conversation. It felt like locker room talk which only added to the fact that the other three were acting exceptionally childish.

“C’mon, you guys.” Erwin’s tone was low. “That’s not what I’m thinking about when I’m with him so you can all stop with your weird... Manifesting.”

“Do you know if he’s getting with anyone else?” Sasha asked. Her mind had wandered to a time when she was driving down the street a few weeks ago on a Sunday evening and had spotted Levi walking alongside a relatively tall and slender blonde man. Since that had happened, she hadn’t seen Erwin for a substantial enough amount of time that they were able to bring up Levi until now, and the thought immediately popped into her head.

Erwin’s expression was slightly perplexed as he glanced over at Sasha following her remark. “Um... I don’t think so? That’s not really something we really talk about either.” Sasha simply arched a brow at the comment. “So, what I’m gathering is you really don’t know that much about his personal life _at all_?”

“I guess not.” Erwin’s tone had softened even further, the conversation was starting to lower his morale a bit.

“Well.” Sasha started. “You might want to figure that out pretty quickly because I saw him a few weeks ago with some _tall blonde_ walking down near where the community center is. Kind of an interesting place to be out and about, but I couldn’t help but think ‘damn, he has a type.”

Erwin felt a pit suddenly form in his stomach at Sasha’s remark. “Um, when was this...?” He asked. He wasn’t sure if he was beginning to feel sad or angry.

“Maybe two weeks ago? It was a Sunday, I’m pretty sure.”

“Oh. Okay.” Erwin bit the inside of his lower lip, glancing down for a moment. He had been talking to Levi for longer than that. He realized that he _never_ saw Levi on Sunday nights, and tried not to convince himself of the possibility that he was spending them with somebody else in a way he didn’t want to think about. He attempted to prevent his head from pounding with a sense of jealousy.

“I guess I’ll ask him...?” Erwin looked around the table after a brief pause to assess whether his friends thought that would be a good idea or not, and he was relieved upon receiving up and downward nods from the three others he was sitting with. “Okay.” He added after the affirmation.

He hated the fact that his elated mood from earlier that day had been squelched in moments, and both of these intense feelings were caused by the actions of the same person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!! likes, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions are always appreciated <3


	11. secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Erwin thinks is an innocent act of kindness leads Levi to explain some dark aspects about his past

Levi probably sat within the confines of his vehicle for at least twenty minutes after he arrived back in the parking lot to his and Petra’s apartment building. It had been a while since he had shut off the car’s ignition and the cold outside air was slowly beginning to seep into its interior the longer it idled in the lot.

Levi didn’t mind it though. He nestled himself a little bit deeper into his big, puffy jacket that he had been wearing for the duration of the ride, pulling his crossed arms up closer to his chest. After a few more minutes of silence, he rolled one of his windows down and pulled a cigarette out of the nearly empty pack that was tucked away into the pocket of his coat. Lifting it to his mouth and holding it between his lips as he lit it, he began to take abrupt inhales of an anxious nature before blowing the smoke back into the outside air from his open car window.

His expression was neutral, eyelids slightly lowered as he thought about the fact that he had succumbed to a few of his impulses during his recent interaction with Erwin at the speakeasy. Something about the warm, cozy energy inside of the place accompanied by soothing music and a happy audience had eased his nerves for a brief moment. He felt comfortable and safe in that atmosphere, enough so that he had expressed a rare demonstration of vulnerability by leaning up against Erwin. In that moment, it felt right, and he made it abundantly clear that he wanted to be close to the tall blonde. His presence was so inviting that he wanted to be completely wrapped up in him.

That moment was over. Levi now wanted to smack himself on the forehead for acting so soft and affectionate towards him in a public space. He remembered the chill that shot down his spine when Erwin had gingerly wrapped his hand around his waist in response to his brief display of affection, and how in that moment, he wished the two of them were alone. That moment was in the past now and in the present, Levi was internally cursing himself for allowing his body language to broadcast that they appeared to be a couple in such a public setting.

Levi began to dread that Erwin was going to expect this to be the new normal for them the next time they went out in public.

Every time Erwin and Levi spent time together, they would talk about relatively basic things. They would discuss what was happening in their own lives and bigger current events going on in the world around them. They would talk about Trost and they would talk about the people they knew and things they liked doing. Levi knew random things about Erwin like that he hated sushi, his favorite colors were green and blue but he could never decide on just one, that he was an only child but didn’t act like one, and that he reminded Levi of a golden retriever, but they never talked about the two of them and where they stood.

In the beginning, Levi did not perceive his relationship with Erwin as a romantic one. Rico, Hitch and Petra would tease him about their association, but he ignored it because he figured they were only doing so because the only two gay men they knew were talking to one another. That was all the three of them had to go off of, they knew nothing about whether their personalities were actually compatible. He had genuinely desired to partner with Erwin in a way that involved doing charity work for the city of Trost.

Levi was aware of the fact that his regards for the other man had shifted over the past few months. He was surprised by Erwin’s persistence and willingness to get to know him, even if he was rough around the edges and hard to talk to. He knew this about himself, that he was not a very approachable person. It originally boggled his mind that Erwin was so set on talking to him, and he was initially convinced that he was just doing it to uphold the image he had in the community as someone who was personable with _everybody_. After time passed, he admitted to himself that he secretly liked the attention.

He noticed that when he was with Erwin, he would rarely ever look at his phone. He would never look around to try and see if someone he knew had just walked in and never seemed distracted. Erwin always listened to every word Levi said and he continued to impress him by remembering little things he had told him about without putting much thought into it. It made him feel important, and he wasn’t very familiar with that feeling.

He could tell that Erwin was beginning to want more from him. They both knew that they had known each other for too long for their knowledge of one another’s pasts to be as basic as it was. He knew Erwin wanted to understand him, and Levi hesitated because he was unsure of how much Erwin wanted to be a part of his life. The only person who knew about where he came from and what his life had looked like prior to coming to Trost was Petra. He had intended to keep it that way, yet his conversation with her from a few weeks ago never left his mind, and he knew he needed to make changes on his own.

He took a final inhale of the cigarette before turning the ignition of the car on for a moment so he could roll the window up and turned it back off before stepping out into the cold air. It didn’t hit him so brutally since he had already been bracing it for a few minutes through the open window. Shutting the car door behind him, he walked over to the small apartment building that was part of a bigger complex and keyed himself in before walking to the second floor where he and Petra’s apartment was located. He opened the door to find his housemate sitting on the couch, sorting through a few photos she had printed out as well as some other images, stickers and drawings that she was attempting to organize into a small collage.

“Hey!” Petra looked up as soon as she heard the door open. Levi shut the door behind him and pulled his coat off before hanging it on one of the hooks by the doorway.

“Hey, what are you working on?”

“Me and Rico’s birthdays are coming up so I’m making something for her.” Petra announced, turning back at the little art project she was working on. Petra and Rico’s birthdays were only a day apart from each other on the 6th and 7th of December, so they always made a pretty big deal over that. Levi had walked over to the couch and was hovering over Petra’s shoulder to catch a glimpse of her collage. It was mostly photos of Petra and Rico, yet he and Hitch were featured in some of them as well.

“Cute.” He stated after a short pause before walking into the kitchen and grabbing a boatload of cleaning supplies that he set upon the kitchen counter. Petra didn’t think anything of it since it was a regular tendency of Levi’s to make sure the house was always perfectly clean.

It wasn’t until almost an hour later that Petra noticed Levi was paying extremely militant attention to cleaning each and every tiny corner of the house and hadn’t left the kitchen since he started.

“Levi, the kitchen looks fine. Stop hyper focusing before you break your back or something.” She called out to her housemate who was probably taking the swiffer to the floor for at least the third time.

“Mhmm.” Levi ignored her. He did eventually move on from the kitchen, and Petra couldn’t help but to watch him, arching a brow in a rather perplexed manner. “Are we having people over for dinner or something?” She asked before turning her phone on to check the time. It was around four. Levi did not reply, he just continued cleaning for a little while longer. Petra noticed that he spent a little extra time when he walked into his own room with the cleaning supplies before he came out to water all of the plants in the window sill.

It was a little bit before five o’clock when Levi finally put all of the supplies back where he found them and took note of the fact that Petra was still on the couch working on her art project for Rico.

“What are you up to tonight?” He asked, his tone was shallow as he approached the couch to sit next to Petra, tucking his knees into his chest and looking over at her.

Petra narrowed her eyes, a hint of a grin crossing over her expression. “Since when did you give a shit about what I did on the weekends? Are you gonna come out with us tonight or something?” She pestered, relatively confused by Levi’s concern with her plans.

“No.” Levi immediately shut her proposition down. “Just wondering but okay.”

Petra was now looking at Levi as if he had five heads. “Why are you getting all defensive!?” She jokingly blurted out, her eyes widening a bit.

“What the fuck do you mean? I just wanted to know if you were going out later.”

“Yeah, I am... With Rico, Hitch, Oluo and Gunther...” She spoke slowly, still a bit perplexed.

“Oh, okay. Are you sleeping at Oluo’s tonight?”

Petra narrowed her eyes, glancing slightly off to the side for a moment. “Um, I’m not sure... I’ll see how the night goes and then maybe- “

“Petra.” Levi snapped, cutting her off.

“Hmm?” She turned back up to look at Levi, who was looking at her through slightly arched brows and lowered eyelids, his expression thoroughly unimpressed.

“I said; are you _sleeping_ at _Oluo’s_ tonight.” He deadpanned.

Petra blinked, glaring at Levi for a moment before she sat up, eyes widening as she aggressively tapped her hand against the couch cushion beside her. “Oh!” She leaned forwards, a wide grin crossing over her face. “You haven’t been updating me with this stuff at all! Since when was this a thing!?”

“It’s not a thing.”

“But he’s coming over _tonight_?” Petra arched her brows. “Is he _staying_ over too?”

“I have no idea, don’t ask me questions.” Levi sneered over at Petra, who couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “I wanted him to come over to talk, I guess... Honestly I don’t know what to expect.” He admitted after a short pause. “If Rico and Hitch are coming over here later, can you not make a big fucking deal over it. It really doesn’t matter that much.”

“Okay, I won’t. But that doesn’t change the fact that it matters to me! I’m excited for you, we’ve all lowkey been rooting for this since the beginning, you know...”

“Yeah, I know. I ignored it on purpose. Okay, I’m done talking about this.”

“Alright...” Petra teased. “But you know I’m gonna be on your ass tomorrow about how it went.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t expect anything else from you.” Levi’s tone was unamused as he looked over at Petra through narrowed eyes. He wished his friend would wipe the stupid grin off of her face, but he was glad that Petra was as elated as she seemed to be about his circumstances with Erwin. He sighed and a vague smile crept up the sides of his mouth as he leaned back against the couch cushion behind him. Petra couldn’t help but smile as well as she looked over at Levi for a moment before standing up. “I’m gonna make dinner. Do you want me to get ready at Rico’s place?” She asked, turning to face Levi as she walked over to their little kitchen area. It was relatively early to be eating dinner, but Petra had lost track of time while working on her art project and was pretty hungry already.

“Hm? Oh, no. He’s not coming by until later... Don’t worry about that.” Levi replied as he let himself continue to sink into the couch. He had already zoned out enough that he barely heard Petra reply with an “okay” and didn’t respond to her. He had already started to fall into his little world of his own thoughts.

He wasn’t thinking about anything positive or negative in particular, just thinking. He hadn’t decided whether or not he regretted inviting Erwin over, and probably wouldn’t be able to answer that question for himself until later. He didn’t quite know what he really wanted out of this interaction with him. He was aware that this was a new line they were about to cross but had no sort of inkling about how it would go.

He stared up at the ceiling as he thought about it, the world around him fading away as his surroundings were rendered unimportant. He was occasionally brought back to reality when he would hear the clanking of pots and pans as Petra figured out what she was going to cook for dinner, yet it was faint and distant enough that he didn’t register a majority of the noise. He began to daydream, making up scenarios in his mind as he played out his upcoming interaction with Erwin. He would continually rewind his self-made visuals to when the tall blonde would open the door and enter his home. Every time Levi pictured this interaction, Erwin would be friendly and confident and excited to see him, yet he had to re-imagine how he even greeted the other man multiple times as he attempted to figure out the right thing to say.

He imagined scenarios where their evening went terrible. He imagined himself screaming at Erwin and slamming the door after he kicked him out, and he imagined Erwin deciding that he was uninterested and letting himself out before the end of the night. He imagined Erwin yelling at him because he was fed up with his attitude or Erwin texting one of his friends to make up an emergency and call him about it so he would have an excuse to leave.

He imagined different ways it could go wrong. He imagined Petra coming home early because she felt sick from drinking and walking in with her friends to find them making out on the couch. He made up scenarios where one of them had an _actual_ emergency and ended up spending their night together in a hospital waiting room.

He realized his scenarios were becoming more and more unrealistic the longer he daydreamed. He shook his head from side to side and blinked a few times before sitting up, looking over at Petra in the kitchen before walking into his room, fixing his hair in his mirror that leaned up against the wall. He was still wearing the same big black sweater and high-waisted black jeans and belt that he had on earlier that day, and he made sure to go over all of it with a lint roller because his clothing had collected a bit of animal hair since he volunteered at the shelter that morning. He wasn’t sure if he felt nervous or not about his evening, he just knew it was an unknown. Levi had lived the past few years of his life knowing his every move because he craved structure and always knew exactly how his days would play themselves out. He expected everything that happened during his day and when life threw him curveballs, he managed to incorporate them into his schedule or squash them entirely.

The last time life had thrown him a curveball was when he became Eld’s sponsor. That was something he managed to turn into a part of his routine and had trained himself to prepare for the occasional phone call and make sure he had time in his day to meet up with Eld if he was having a particularly bad day. He had grown close to Eld over the past few months and felt comfortable talking to the man about some of his personal life and qualms because he knew it made it easier for Eld to open up to him if their relationship was a two-way street instead of more of a one-sided transaction.

He didn’t let his relationship with Erwin blindside him or go in a direction he wouldn’t be able to handle. Erwin was the one who was always asking him to go somewhere or do something, yet Levi only let him act on his desires as much as he wanted. Erwin would pick the places, and Levi would pick the times. He allowed himself to adjust to seeing the other man on a regular basis and took the time when they weren’t talking to think about what direction he wanted their relationship to go in if they ever resumed talking, which they did.

Levi had very recently admitted to himself that he was attracted to Erwin. He had known Erwin was physically handsome from the moment he met him, yet he was cynical in the sense that he never let the way a person look impact his emotions towards them. He had a bad habit of making up insults about people who were physically attractive and well-dressed with neat hair. He always assumed they had a terrible personality or were disgustingly wealthy and were selfish about the money they had.

It wasn’t until a short time ago that Levi began to think about Erwin differently. He looked forward to their interactions because they had good conversations, and Erwin was invested in whatever he had to say. He knew Erwin liked being around him too, and he made Levi feel important. He wasn’t used to that feeling. He loved Petra, but he couldn’t get it out of the back of his mind that their friendship was structured on her sense of obligation to stay with him. Erwin knew nothing about his past and he genuinely _wanted_ to spend time with him, and he was apprehensive to give him the same knowledge Petra had because he didn’t want it to change Erwin’s opinion of him. He didn’t want to feel like Erwin pitied him.

* * *

The rest of the evening felt like it lasted for a million years. Levi attempted to occupy his time by fixing his hair, washing his face and redoing his makeup since it had been on all day. Just the usual eyeliner and mascara before he walked into Petra’s room and pestered her while she got ready for her night out. He was mesmerized by the way her hair fell into little ringlets after she released them from the grip of the curling iron, and how she fixed it into looser beachy waves by running her fingers through it once she was done. The two of them talked about her night as she went through her makeup routine, applying a light coverage of foundation over her face and then a peachy pink shade of eyeshadow over her lids that she blended out to look softer before carefully applying dark brown eyeliner right up against her lash line and a few layers of black mascara over her eyelashes. She finished with a bit of glowy highlight on the tops of her cheekbones and over the bridge of her nose before applying a coat of clear lip gloss.

“Okay...” Petra said to her reflection in the mirror as she fixed her hair and put in a new pair of earrings before leaving Levi behind as she retreated back to her bedroom to get dressed.

Levi gave Petra his usual spiel about being safe and staying with her friends and calling him if she felt like she was in danger as she requested an uber to Rico’s place. She would reply to him with the occasional fed up “uh-huh” as she sat on the couch to put her shoes on. It was around 8:30 when she finally made her way over to the door, grabbing a faux fur black and white cow-print jacket from one of her hooks before turning back to look at Levi.

“Have fun, be safe...” She mimicked his scolding. “And use a condom.” She added, closing the door behind her before Levi could respond. Levi glared at the doorway for a moment, his lip curling slightly back in disgust. Petra wasn’t wrong though. Every so often when Levi would fall into his daydream land of scenarios, he would accidentally let his mind wander and conjure up the idea of being physically intimate with Erwin. It sent chills down his spine whenever he did so, and it made him feel dirty. Sometimes he would think these things when he was with Erwin in public and would realize he had completely zoned out. He’d imagine it before going to bed at night every once in a while, yet he tried not to because he didn’t want to make up too many expectations about what that might be like.

He almost jumped when he could feel his phone buzz from where it sat in his pocket. He snagged it and held the screen up to his face.

Erwin Smith

[8:34 pm] On my way :) See you soon

[8:34 pm] kk

About fifteen minutes after Levi received the text message, there was a knock on his door. He leapt up from where he had been laying across the couch and staring up at the ceiling, walking up to the door and swinging it open.

“Hi!” Erwin was wrapped up in his big brown corduroy coat with the sherpa lining on the inside. Underneath the coat, he was wearing a beige sweater over a white button up shirt which were both tucked into his black jeans. He could only see the collar of the white shirt from underneath the neckline of the sweater.

Levi smiled for a moment at the sight of the taller blonde, yet his expression faltered as his gaze trailed down to a brown paper bag that was tucked underneath Erwin’s arm. He hid the grimace by looking back up to make eye contact with the individual standing in his doorway.

“Um, come on in. You can hang your coat on the rack right there...” He pointed to the coat hangers by the door. “I can show you around, it’s a pretty short tour, but... Whatever.”

Erwin smiled as he walked in and did what he was instructed to do; peeling his coat off of his arms and hanging it up on one of the spare hooks. “It’s nice to see you.” He told the shorter man, who seemed a bit less calm and composed than he usually was.

“Yeah, you too.” Levi’s tone was slightly dismissive as he took a few more steps into his apartment. “Welcome to my humble abode.” He mocked how people with huge mansions and estates would comment on their homes in a ‘hello MTV welcome to my crib’ sort of fashion, yet his living situation was definitely humbling. “This is the living room, and that’s the kitchen over there...” He started as he walked through his apartment with Erwin towards the only hallway towards the back of the main living area. “This is Petra’s room, and my room is down there... And honestly, that’s just about it!”

“I like it.” Erwin smiled down at Levi, waiting for him to act first. He was in the other man’s space now, and was still not quite over his sudden request to have him over. It was very unlike Levi.

“Come here.” Levi suggested as he walked over to the window sill towards the back of the living room that looked out onto the street. Most of the lights in the apartment were off, yet the window sill was glowing with a bunch of little string lights. Erwin sat down on one end and before Levi joined him, he walked over to a drawer under the coffee table and pulled out a little box. He then walked back to the window sill and sat across from Erwin. He faced the other man from where he sat, close enough so that he could look into the little box he held in his lap.

“It’s pretty trashy in here, but me and Petra made this our little spot. We always sit here when we actually have time to talk. Or not talk and just exist together.” explained as he opened the box up. Erwin watched Levi as he pulled out a small ziploc bag of weed in one hand, setting it aside before he opened up a small grinder that was in the box.

“That’s nice... You two seem really close.”

“Mhmm...” Levi started, he didn’t say much since he was fixated on putting a certain amount of the weed from the bag into the grinder, which he closed and began to twist around. “I’ve known her since we started college. She’s like a sister to me.” Levi smiled a bit as he twisted the grinder for another few moments before placing it down, opening the cap. Erwin watched Levi as he grabbed a little rolling paper from the box and set it down flat, meticulously placing the grinded weed into it before rolling it up, pressing the top end and twisting the tip. He looked up at Erwin as he grabbed his lighter. “Who is your _person_...? Like how I have Petra.”

Erwin watched for a moment as Levi lit the top of the joint, mesmerized as the flame began to blacken the very end before it started to creep its way down.

“Um, I want to say Hanji and Mike because I’ve known them forever but honestly, I think my _person_ is Marco. He’s like a little brother, but he’s also like a son, you know? I have this urge to protect him and I always want to look out for his best interests, but I also want him to be able to talk to me about his friends and his boyfriend and other things in his personal life.”

Levi nodded as he lifted the joint to his lips and took a deep inhale. Some of the smoke seeped out of his nostrils before he blew the rest out to the side through his mouth. “How’s getting full custody over him?” He asked as he passed the joint to Erwin, which he happily took from Levi’s hand in between his pointer finger and thumb.

“I had someone from child services or something stop by for a home inspection around two weeks ago because I submitted an application and requested a court date...” Erwin started as he took a sharp breath in, a few light coughs escaping him as he exhaled the pungent smoke. “Of course, I passed that with flying colors.” He chimed in a nonchalant way, a smug grin crossing over his face as he spoke. “Oh! Wait, I got this for you.” Erwin suddenly added before Levi could reply.

Levi felt his throat close up and his eye twitch as Erwin pulled a substantially sized bottle of white wine out of the brown paper bag he was holding onto and presented it in front of him. “This is my favorite kind, I should have asked if you preferred white or red.”

“Thanks...” Levi sneered. “Don’t worry, you can have as much as you want.”

His head was spinning already. Pounding. He wanted to tighten his hands into a fist as he began to take multiple puffs from the joint as Erwin handed it back to him.

“You can get a glass from the cabinet above the sink.” Levi softly gestured towards the kitchen, dismissing Erwin.

“Okay, thanks.” The other man replied as he stood up, walking over to the kitchen area. Levi hesitated for a moment, staring blankly forwards as he took another puff. He could feel the high getting to his head and his body, and he slowly turned to face Erwin as he opened the correct cabinet. To his own dismay, he grabbed two wine glasses before heading back to the window sill and sitting down.

Levi watched in silence as Erwin poured the light-colored liquid into the two glasses in front of them.

“I appreciate the gift, Erwin. But I can’t drink this.” He finally blurted after momentarily zoning out.

Erwin froze, looking up at Levi in a perplexed manner as he set the bottle of wine down next to him. He waited for Levi to speak to his remark yet was met by silence as the dark-haired man simply handed the joint back to him. Erwin took it from him and took a few inhales.

“Is everything okay?” He finally asked Levi, his expression slightly concerned and extremely confused.

Levi sighed as he looked up at Erwin. He was sitting across from the other man, only a little way in front of him. From where he was seated, he pulled one knee up to his chest and let the other one lay out flat. “Yeah, sorry.” He started. His tone was low, and Erwin was nervous because of the sudden shift in Levi’s aura. “I’m actually a recovering alcoholic... And addict, so... I try to stay away from that kind of thing.”

Either man could easily have heard a pin drop in the seconds that followed Levi’s comment.

A wave of guilt and stupidity suddenly crashed over Erwin. He wished he had known this all along. He had unknowingly brought a bottle of wine into Levi’s home and waved it in front of his face, and ever since he had met him, he had been attempting to ask him to go to the bar with he and his friends. Obviously, he made those decisions completely unaware of his circumstances, yet he felt guilty nonetheless.

Everything began to make a little more sense in that moment. Levi had never ordered anything to drink when they went out together, and he now understood why Levi would deny certain requests that Erwin made when it came to them going out.

“I- um, I’m sorry, I didn’t know- “

“Don’t apologize, you wouldn’t have known because nobody else knows.”

“Nobody at all?”

“Pretty much. Except for Petra and Eld.”

“Eld?”

“My sponsee. I met him at AA around the same time I met you. He’s this lanky blonde mother fucker who actually lives with the guy Petra’s dating, small world... I go on Sunday nights, that’s... Kind of why I’m never available. We usually walk there but it’s been getting a bit cold for that.”

Erwin’s mind immediately wandered to when Sasha had told him that he saw Levi walking with another man on a Sunday night over by the community center. He knew they held AA meetings there but never would have thought to put two and two together. Somehow, he felt like no matter what, he would never have guessed any of this.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been... Recovering? For...?” Erwin eventually asked as he passed the joint back to Levi. The whites of both of their eyes had become pink and it felt like they were staring into each other’s souls through slightly narrowed lids as they spoke.

Levi was surprised by how quickly this topic came up. He figured he’d talk to Erwin about it eventually, yet this was one thing that he didn’t prepare for. He had no idea how to, but he knew that this was his opportunity to do so.

“Six years, almost. Six years at the end of January.” He started, taking a deep inhale from the joint as he broke eye contact with Erwin for a moment. “I overdosed my freshman year of college. I got sent right to rehab and figured my shit out right after.” He said with a shrug.

Erwin blinked. “What happened, exactly...?” He felt like he was prying in a way that he shouldn’t be, yet he was completely shocked and couldn’t help himself. His words were a bit drawn out as the high clouded his mind and stripped him of having a filter. There was a short pause as Levi passed the joint back to Erwin. It was less than half the size it had been when they started smoking it.

“Well... I came from a shitty ass neighborhood. That’s why I stayed with Petra after college before we moved to Trost... She’s from a really ritzy area and has a good relationship with her family. On the other hand, my dad was a dead beat and my mom was really young, and I learned at a pretty young age that she never _planned_ on having me. She tried when I was younger, but I kinda had to raise myself. She was dirt poor. And really fucking depressed. When I wasn’t a baby anymore my dad would come ‘visit’ every once in a while... He’d convince my mom he really wanted to be a part of the family and he’d bring me nice things and take me cool places on the weekends and then he’d fuck off for almost a year... Last time we heard from him I was like thirteen or something.” He paused to take a deep inhale from the joint, looking up at Erwin. “Sorry if that’s dark. I can give you the summarized version if you want. I don’t want you to pity me.”

“No.” Erwin started. “I want to hear all of it... You don’t tell any of this to anybody?”

Levi shook his head as he let the smoke seep out of the small opening in his mouth. “Nope. I don’t trust anyone. People love to talk and think that they can use other people’s situations as a part of their conversations. I don’t want that information to be available for anyone but me. I don’t like the idea that my personal life can be at the disposal of somebody else as a fucking conversation topic. I don’t want anyone finding out about me unless they’re hearing it from me.”

Erwin nodded. “I get that... I’m sorry to interrupt.”

“No, it’s okay.” Levi deadpanned. “I probably started drinking when I got to high school. It made me feel younger than I was, cause I had to grow up at a really young age. I was always pretty introverted, but I had two really good friends; Isabel and Farlan. I’d known Farlan for as long as I could remember, and Isabel started following us around in middle school or something. I couldn’t stand her at first, but we eventually grew really close.”

Erwin immediately remembered the cats at the shelter and the article he had seen online. He didn’t say anything, yet he had a bad feeling that he knew where this story was going.

“We were all on a pretty shitty path by the time we got to high school, honestly. We drank all the time, showed up to class drunk or high or both. We carried mixes around in gatorade bottles or whatever to class, it was pathetic. Farlan was a bit of a dealer because he refused to work some garbage minimum wage job. It was just weed in the beginning, but our junior year he got into selling some heavier stuff, and we got bigger on using it. My junior year I was really hooked... We did a lot of molly and coke together. We’d get pretty sick sometimes, ‘cause we’d usually take this shit while drunk... That’s not good for you. We skipped class all the time and did a pretty shitty job at school, but that’s just because I wasn’t trying...” Levi grinned for a moment. “Farlan was dumb as shit regardless of whether or not he was killing all of his brain cells.”

He paused for a moment and looked down as he took one last puff before handing the nub of the joint back to Erwin. “My senior year of high school, it was pretty awful. I don’t think I remember being sober once and I only remember bits and pieces from that entire year. I was drunk all the time and I kind of lost touch of reality... I honestly forgot what being sober felt like. I had to be on something just to function normally and get through the day. It kind of just helped me lose sight of the fact that I live in this world where I’m insignificant... I always felt like the main character of my own story when I was drunk or high. I liked this false sense of the world revolving around me. It convinced me that I was important, I guess. Because I had Isabel and Farlan, but I never felt _important_ to them. If any of us didn’t use or drink, we wouldn’t blink twice in the other’s direction. That was the foundation of our friendship.” He stopped again, turning to look out the window. “A lot of the jocks liked us because we would sell to them. Some of them also tried to get on our good sides so they could hook up with Isabel...” He paused. “Or me. I started to let some of the guys who _weren’t too sure_ use me as a guinea pig or whatever... Of course, I’d always be under the influence of something, so I didn’t really remember it. I didn’t want to, I knew I was going to do it and I knew it was starting but I tried to be out of touch enough that I had no idea who I was with. We’d go to their weird parties and I’d usually get fucked by some closeted football player in their nasty ass bathroom and then they’d pretend I didn’t exist. I didn’t care though, something petty like that never hurt me.”

He hadn’t looked over at Erwin in a while. He didn’t want to see his face changing while he talked.

“There was one night when we were at one of those parties or something, I don’t remember, honestly, we were just out, I guess. But Farlan was driving and he shouldn’t have been.” He paused, narrowing his eyes. “This was almost at the end of our senior year... We were so close to graduating, and Isabel was a junior. He drove off the road and we honestly were in the air for what felt like a million years before we rolled into a bunch of trees. We ended up in a ditch eventually. I don’t remember a lot of this happening, I got knocked out when I hit my head really hard on god knows what...”

He paused again, his teeth gently grazing against his lower lip. He finally turned his head to face Erwin. He could not read the other man’s emotion, but it was far from happy.

“They both died. Isabel died right on contact because the back of the car caved in and she got crushed by it, and Farlan died later that night in the hospital.” He exclaimed. “My only friends from my childhood were just gone. I graduated alone and I spent my last summer before college alone. My mom pretty much gave up on me, I started selling a lot more in Farlan’s place because I needed to send myself to college. I got a ton of financial aid shit though cause we were poor, which was helpful... My mom became aware that I wasn’t sober after the car accident, and she threatened to send me to rehab if anything else happened. That really should have been a wake-up call for me, but if anything, it made it worse. I just did it more secretly. I would go back and forth between being angry and sad over my two best friends fucking dying... That doesn’t just _happen_ to anyone. I drank a lot more just so I could forget why I was upset. I was a pretty fun drunk actually... I would always be loud and social and get up on tables and make out with people who would probably look a lot uglier if I was sober... I met Petra at one of those college house parties at the beginning of my freshman year. We’d act all crazy together, but what set me apart from her is that she only did it on Friday and Saturday night... She didn’t know I was drunk every day.”

Erwin didn’t know what to make of Levi’s story quite yet. He was mortified to know that the article he saw about the car accident was true, and he struggled to imagine Levi, who was always so collected and on top of his schedule, in this sort of condition.

“There was this one night after winter break...” Levi started, his gaze turning away from Erwin. “Um, me and Petra went out and I had tried ecstasy for the first time that night, but I was on a ton of other stuff too... We were at some house party and I was technically awake moving around but I don’t remember any of it after a certain point. I remember going upstairs with like four different ‘straight’ guys.” He made air quotes with his hands. “I remember it in little bits though because I don’t think I was conscious the whole time. Next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital. Apparently, I had my stomach pumped and had a million different drugs in my system. Petra was there when I woke up. She told me she found me unconscious in a bathroom covered in my own puke and blue in the face when she was trying to leave, she said she honestly thought I was dead. My mom found out and that’s when she sent me to rehab, I stayed there for a few months. Yeah. Sorry if that was really dark, I just figured I’d let you know... I started going to AA and NA and I’ve been clean since then, and I guess I’ve been living happily ever fucking after. If anything, I’m glad I got that part of my life over with when I was a teenager instead of when I was a fully functioning adult with a job and a family or something.” He forced a breath of laughter as he shrugged, finally turning back to look at Erwin, who appeared to be a bit stunned.

“Oh...” Erwin started. He was still attempting to process all of the information Levi had just poured out to him. “Honestly I don’t know what to say, I’m really- “

“I didn’t tell you that because I want you to pity me.” Levi cut Erwin off, a glare crossing over his expression. He had finished the blunt off while he was talking and had placed it down in a little porcelain cup inside the box to put it out. “I told you because I want you to trust me, and I trust you.” His face softened as he looked up at the blonde, who still appeared to be a little bit distraught.

“I don’t pity you.” Erwin started, looking down at Levi who was pretty much sitting beside him, his body turned so that they were facing each other. “I’m impressed that you don’t let something like that impact how you navigate through life. You seem like you really overcame it...” He cut himself off before he began to ramble, he knew he would if he kept talking.

Levi did not break eye contact with Erwin. He felt vulnerable and exposed, yet he also felt light. He felt a rush of serotonin flood into his brain and he didn’t speak for a few moments, he just paused and allowed himself to feel. He eventually blinked, his gaze turning downward for a moment before he looked back up. “Can we talk about something else?” He let out a breath of nervous laughter, a faint smile lingering on his face, which wasn’t too far away from Erwin’s.

“Yeah, sure...” Erwin smiled back, pausing for a moment as he stared downwards, his eyes falling short of Levi’s. “I don’t know if I want to talk right now though.” He added after a few seconds of hesitation. His icy blue gaze eventually met Levi as he finally looked up to make eye contact with the man sitting beside him in the window sill.

“No, neither do I.” Levi’s tone was soft as he glanced down for a moment before his eyes flicked back up to meet Erwin’s. He lowered his eyelids a bit as he recognized that his face was only a few inches away from the other man’s. He hesitated momentarily before allowing his eyes to fall entirely shut as he leaned forwards and kissed him, immediately sinking into it, his shoulders tensing up as he pressed his lips up against Erwin’s.

Erwin was surprised by how straightforward Levi was with his actions. He saw this coming, yet for some reason, he expected Levi to be more timid and passive about a situation like this. He thought he would have to be the one making just about every move with him. He was taken aback as Levi grabbed either side of his face within his delicate hands and wrapped one leg around his waist so that he was sitting on top of his waist in a straddling manner.

He leaned into it for a moment as he wrapped his hands around Levi, running his fingers down the curve of his spine before pulling away and looking up at him, letting out a prolonged exhale.

Levi blinked, his eyes narrow and his lips a bit swollen, his mouth open ever so slightly as he looked down at Erwin in a way the other man had never seen before. He let his hands rest on the surface of the window sill on either side of Erwin, leaning in a bit before turning his head to look out the window.

“What if the neighbors saw us?” He teased, a toothy grin forming as he narrowed his eyes and let his teeth graze over his lower lip. He shifted his posture so he was facing Erwin for a moment. “Would that scare you...?” He murmured. “If somebody was watching...?” His tone was low and drawn out as he ran his hand across Erwin’s cheek before pulling his lower lip down with his thumb. “I wouldn’t like that. I wouldn’t like it if anyone else got to look at you.”

Erwin let out a faint breath of laughter. “I have to admit, I’m a little surprised by this side of you.” He murmured before straightening his posture upright as he yanked at the collar of Levi’s sweater and pulled his face close to his. “To answer your question, though...” His voice had dropped to a whisper as he leaned in close enough to Levi so he could speak into his ear. “I don’t think the neighbors would want to see what I’m gonna do to you.”

Levi narrowed his eyes and arched his brows as he ran one hand through Erwin’s soft, blonde hair. “Maybe I’m the one who should be scared then.” He whispered as he ran his other hand slowly from his chest and all the way down his torso. He leaned forwards, pressing his forehead against Erwin’s as he slowly grinded his hips up against Erwin’s, biting his lip as he came to recognize how hard the other man felt underneath his jeans. “Kiss me.” He demanded, his voice a harsh whisper.

Erwin happily obliged and leaned forwards to kiss Levi, yet every time he attempted to do so the other man would jerk his head back just enough so that he was out of Erwin’s reach, a sinister grin over his face as he continued to play the little game with him.

“Okay.” Erwin huffed as he became fed up with the antic. He swung his body around so that his feet were hanging off of the window sill and he grabbed Levi by the hips as he set his feet on the floor and rose to a standing position, hoisting Levi up as he did so. Levi immediately wrapped his legs around Erwin’s back and cupped the sides of his face within his hands to force Erwin to look up at him.

“Aw, does it make you upset when you don’t get what you want?” Levi teased as Erwin lifted him up.

“Not usually, I just can’t stand to wait any longer with you.” Erwin admitted as he broke eye contact with Levi for a moment to glance down the hallway towards his bedroom that he had recently gestured to on the brief tour he gave. He hesitated for a moment before carrying Levi across the living room and down the hall, walking through the half-open doorway to his small room before closing the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed! this was probably my favorite chapter to write and i've been looking forward to getting to this point since i came up with this idea for this fic :-) classes are starting for me tomorrow so i'm sorry to leave you all with such a cliff hanger but it might be a while until the next one comes out!
> 
> likes, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions are always appreciated <3


	12. stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for this one this chapter is dedicated to all my bitches under the age of 13 using a fake email to read this xoxo have an amazing day in 6th grade

Levi was awake long before Erwin the following morning. He was leaning back up against some pillows he had propped up behind him as rays of warm sunlight trickled through the window next to his bed that was nestled into a corner of his room.

He looked down at Erwin, who was still sound asleep. His arms and legs were sprawled out across the bed and parts of his body were covered by the sheets, yet his limbs were sticking out all over the place. He rested his head within the comfort of Levi’s lap, and the shorter man cast him a soft and tired gaze as he gently ran his fingers through his silky, blonde hair. It was tousled around and particularly messy when Levi had woken up, yet Levi had spent the past few minutes brushing it out between his fingers in a rhythmic sort of way that mesmerized him in his sleepy state.

Levi remembered when Erwin had told him he was surprised that he was a morning person, and that he was the kind of person who would sleep in if given the opportunity.

Erwin had definitely seized that opportunity. Levi shifted his gaze away from the tall blonde and looked briefly around at the floor for his phone so he could check the time. Following his inability to locate it, he figured it was somewhere around the apartment. He had no idea what time it was, but he did know that he had told Nile he’d go into the animal shelter for a bit at eleven. He looked out the window and from his view of the street, the sun was high enough in the sky and the roads were busy enough with cars and pedestrians on the sidewalk that he knew he didn’t have a lot more time to lounge around.

He gently shifted his hips to the side so that Erwin’s head fell onto the pillow before turning his body so that his feet hung over the edge of the bed. He carefully lifted the sheet off of the lower half of his body before setting his feet down on the hardwood floor underneath him and rising up to stand.

He gasped and almost keeled over the moment he stood up as the complete numbness he felt from the waist down immediately evolved into the most terrible sensation of soreness he had felt in a long time.

_Oh my god._

He looked over at Erwin for a second, his eyes a bit wide as he became tempted to place his hands on his knees and sit back down. He inevitably got over his internal whining and took a few pathetic baby steps over to his dresser, grabbing a pair of black underwear and sliding those on before picking up Erwin’s white button-up shirt that had been tossed carelessly onto the floor. He threw the garment on and buttoned a few of the buttons as he walked over to the doorway and leaned his back up against the door, glancing down at Erwin from where he stood. His room was perfectly neat with the exception of his unmade bed that was occupied by the sleeping individual and all of their clothes scattered about the floor. He paused for a moment, his eyelids lowered and his lips formed into a subtle pout.

He stood back up as soon as he felt himself beginning to zone out from where he was leaning against the door. He blinked a few times so his vision was no longer fuzzy and he wasn’t seeing double anymore. He twisted the knob on his bedroom door and left it partially open as he made his way over to the kitchen. He found his phone on the counter and looked at the little clock on the lock screen which read 9:52.

 _Fuck._ Levi sneered at the phone screen as he set the device back down where he found it and immediately pulled a pan out of one of the cabinets and set it on the stove, rushing to turn the burner on and grab the cooking spray from another cabinet which he sprayed over the pan. His entire lower body ached with every movement he made, yet he desperately attempted to ignore it. 

Sunlight shone through the windows in the kitchen and living room as Levi scrambled to grab an assortment of random vegetables out of the fridge, followed by a carton of eggs. He held his hand over the pan to make sure it was hot enough after chopping up a bunch of mushrooms, peppers and onions that he tossed into the pan, followed by a decently sized handful of baby kale leaves. The pan sizzled as he poured in a mixture of eggs and spices that he had scrambled into a small bowl.

He was so preoccupied with hurrying to cook breakfast that he barely heard the footsteps approaching him until they were right behind him. Before he could even turn around to look at Erwin hovering over him, the other man wrapped his muscular arms around Levi, pressing his whole body against him which almost caused Levi to lose his balance for a moment.

“You got up so early...” Levi could tell by the tone of Erwin’s voice that he had been asleep just moments ago. “I was looking forward to waking up next to you...” He complained, leaning in and resting his head on top of Levi’s shoulder from behind him.

Levi sighed, ignoring Erwin as he continued to scramble the eggs and vegetables around in the pan. “Do you want any breakfast?” He asked, turning his head slightly so that he could see Erwin out of the corner of his eye.

“Mhmm... That’s why I came out here.” Erwin’s tone was low as he spoke, unraveling his hands from where they were securely wrapped around Levi’s waist so he could graze his fingers up the sides of his legs as he began to plant a few kisses on the nape of the shorter man’s neck.

“I meant actual breakfast.” Levi growled, turning back to look at the pan as he winced, his shoulders tensing up. He stared intensely at the vegetables and eggs in the pan as he attempted to ignore the chill that shot down his spine.

“Mmm, that does look good, but you look better.” Erwin’s words rolled off of his tongue as he spoke in a soft, drawn out tone of voice. He didn’t stop what he was doing, he pulled Levi back a bit by the hips and pushed himself forward to grind up against him from behind.

“Er- hey, c’mon. I have to be out of here really soon.” Levi snapped, his grip on the spatula in his hand tightening enough that his knuckles turned white.

“You didn’t tell me that...” Erwin’s voice seemed discouraged. “Do you have to go to work?” He attempted to make small talk with Levi about his day yet couldn’t help but grin a bit as he teased him by tugging down at the elastic waistband of his underwear, sliding his hands inside just enough that he could squeeze his thighs on either side.

Levi squinted his eyes so that they were only open a tiny slit. “I’m going to the shelter.” He admitted.

“Oh?” Erwin’s expression lit up a bit at Levi’s confession that he wasn’t going to his legitimate job. “I don’t think Nile would care, or even _notice_ if you were just a _little_ late...” He murmured as he leaned in a bit closer, slowly moving one hand forwards and grazing his fingers up and down his cock. “I don’t think you want to go yet either...” He added as he began to touch him more thoroughly, encouraged by how hard he already was.

“Fuck.” Levi growled as he narrowed his eyes, biting his lower lip so hard that it began to hurt. He was still holding onto the spatula in one hand, yet he used his other hand to shakily move the pan off of the burner and set it aside on a cooler part of the stove. “Erwin, seriously... I have to get ready.”

“Mm, I don’t think you do.” Erwin began to kiss the tops of Levi’s shoulders where the button up shirt had slid off of one side. “I don’t wanna let go of you just yet.”

Levi sighed before spinning around to face Erwin, raising the spatula in his hand up as if he were threatening to hit him.

Erwin paused for a moment. He had never seen Levi like this before. His dark hair was messy and fell in a million different directions and there was no makeup on his fresh face. He looked dewy and sleepy and bothered, and his cheeks were flushed pink. He grinned a bit, his eyelids lowering as he admired the petite individual who appeared as if he was about to beat him with a plastic spatula.

“Hi.” A soft smile lingered on Erwin’s face as he finally made direct eye contact with Levi.

Levi adjusted the big shirt he was wearing so that it was no longer falling off of one shoulder and crossed his arms, eyeing Erwin up and down. He was wearing nothing but the same pair of boxers he had on the night before, and he caught himself staring at his broad and muscular frame for a moment too long. When he finally looked back up at Erwin, his stoic gaze was met by the same smile that still hadn’t left the blonde’s face.

“Hi.” Levi murmured back after a short pause, his tense posture loosening up a bit as he dropped his shoulders, lowering his spatula-hand and setting the object down on the counter behind him.

Erwin took a cautious step forwards, hesitating for a moment to see if Levi would react. When he didn’t, he took another step and wrapped his hands around his waist, looking down at the shorter man with a soft and longing expression. “You look really cute this morning.” He murmured, even though he knew Levi was immune to gushy flattery of any sort.

“Be quiet.” Levi snapped, which only prompted Erwin to laugh a bit as he received the exact response he had predicted. After a short pause, Erwin ran one hand up to caress Levi’s cheek. “You’re sure you can’t stay for a _little_ bit longer...?”

Levi allowed his eyelids droop down for a moment. He was tired, and his head sunk briefly into the palm of Erwin’s hand. After a moment, he shifted his unimpressed gaze to look back up at the taller man. “If you’re gonna make me late, you better not waste my time.” He murmured before adjusting his posture and grabbing Erwin’s hand that had just been caressing the side of his face, guiding him to his room and pausing in the open doorway, looking up at him through slightly narrowed eyes.

Erwin grinned as he wrapped his arms around Levi’s thighs and hoisted him up. He was light, yet his frame was less scrawny than he had expected. Last night he had discovered that Levi was somewhat toned and relatively muscular, which contradicted his expectation that the shorter man would be really bony underneath all the big sweaters he wore. He couldn’t help but squeeze Levi by the hips as he lifted him up. “You want me to waste your time.” Erwin’s tone was low as he carried Levi over to his bed and threw him down onto the mess of sheets underneath them. Levi winced before looking up at Erwin as he climbed on top of him, his body positioned in between his legs.

“Mmh...” Levi sneered as he slithered out from underneath Erwin and grabbed him by the shoulders, twisting his hands to guide the taller man to roll over onto his back. Erwin obliged and watched as Levi positioned himself on top of him, straddling his waist with his legs on either side of his body.

“I like the view from down here.” Erwin smiled as he grabbed onto Levi’s hips and prompted him to grind up and down in little motions. Levi’s reaction to his comment was nothing more than a faint scoff. “You’re turning me off.” He growled at the sappy comment.

“Oh? That’s not good.” Erwin’s grin faded into a much softer smile as he continued to run his hands down the sides of Levi’s legs. “I know you’re lying, though.” He murmured as he moved his hands back up his thighs and dug his nails into his ass cheeks from over his underwear. “Take that shirt off, you stole that from me.” He demanded, his tone firming up a bit.

“Only if you ask nicely.” He looked down at Erwin, his eyes narrow and his lips pursed as the faintest hint of a grin crept up the corners of his mouth.

“Please.” Erwin tightened his grip on Levi’s thighs, smiling up at him in disbelief. Levi’s expression grew content as he undid one button, the shirt beginning to slide off of his shoulder. He paused after undoing the first button, his fingers hovering over the garment in a taunting manner. There were only three buttons left, and Erwin reached his hands up to attempt to undo the shirt himself. His attempt was met by a smack to the wrist.

“Ah... I’m begging you.” The taller man hissed, his plea accompanied by a heavy sigh. His cock was pressed up against his underwear and he knew Levi could feel how hard he had become from where he was sitting right on top of him. Levi arched a brow and undid another button, the shirt sliding further down and revealing most of his upper body. He paused for a moment, his brows slightly arched.

“You hate it when I make you wait.” He murmured, before undoing the other two buttons and gently tossing the shirt aside. Erwin moved his hands to graze them up and down Levi’s thighs and his small waist. He wanted to grab him and kiss every inch of his body, and it was killing him to be patient with Levi.

Levi hesitated and made momentary eye contact with Erwin before leaning over him so he could kiss him on the lips. Erwin kissed him back, running his hands down the curve of Levi’s spine before grabbing onto his hips. The two sunk into the kiss for a while before Levi pulled away, exhaling sharply as he loomed only a few inches above Erwin’s face, his hair falling over his eyes.

“Fuck.” Erwin whispered, a faint smile creeping up the corners of his mouth. “You look so good.” He added before leaning forwards and attempting to resume kissing the other man. Levi pulled back just enough so he was out of Erwin’s reach and grinned, watching Erwin’s expression falter a bit before he gave in and leaned forwards to kiss him again, grinding his hips up and back as he did so.

“You’re so cruel... Teasing me like that.” Erwin whispered as he pulled away from Levi for a moment. He hesitated and looked up at the dark-haired individual for a moment. He was mesmerized by the fiery expression in his silver eyes. Levi didn’t reply as he leaned back in to kiss Erwin, distracting him as he shifted his posture and moved one hand back to pull his underwear down and kick them off to the side. He leaned back after a moment, sitting a bit further down Erwin’s legs so he could slide his boxers down towards his knees, deep breaths escaping him as he moved back up and hovered over his exposed cock, grinning as he teased him by sitting down just far enough so it grazed his own skin in between his legs.

“Ah-... Fuck, Levi.” Erwin glared up at him, a light sweat breaking over his forehead as the anticipation sent hot flashes up through his body and into his head. He moved his hands hand to grab him by the ass, spreading his legs a bit further apart within his grip. Levi winced, a light gasp escaping him before he bit his lip to silence himself.

“Touch me and tell me what you want.” Levi murmured, his eyes narrowed as he looked down at Erwin. The blonde obliged, methodically sliding one finger inside of him and moving it back and forth, which elicited noticeably deeper breaths from the shorter man. “I want to see how good you look when you moan for me.” He growled. Upon inserting a second finger, Levi’s shoulders tensed up and he shuddered a bit.

“Yeah?” Levi defiantly retorted, although his voice was cut off by attempts to choke back gasps as Erwin inserted a third finger inside of him, pumping them back and forth.

“Yeah...” Erwin mimicked Levi, looking up at him. “Does that feel good?”

“Mhmm...” Levi barely replied, his body quivering as he inevitably gasped, his eyes narrow. Erwin continued to slide his fingers in and out of him for another moment before pausing, looking up at Levi’s face, which was only inches from his own.

“Levi.” Erwin murmured.

“Yes?” Levi hissed back, taking a moment to catch his breath.

“I want you to ride my dick until you cum.” He demanded. Levi arched his brows, pausing for a moment as a sinister grin occupied his expression before he leaned back a bit, positioning his hips in line with Erwin as he loomed over him.

“Since you asked...” He murmured as he lifted one hand to his face and thoroughly licked it before running it up and down Erwin’s cock, watching as the taller man tensed up underneath him.

After a few seconds, he adjusted himself and sat slowly back, a hot flash shooting up his spine and flushing his cheeks pink as he lowered himself down onto Erwin so that his dick slid inside of him. He clenched his jaw, yet inevitably couldn’t help but let out a little gasp at the sensation as he sat down far enough. He was sore, but it felt even better than the previous night because he was a bit more used to it. He had a slightly better understanding of Erwin’s body and they had sorted out what positions worked and what was a bit awkward for them when they were trying different things out.

This position was not an issue. Erwin grabbed onto Levi’s hips as he began to slowly kneel up and down to mimic the sensation of Erwin thrusting in and out of him. He supported himself by placing his hands on Erwin’s torso, looking down at him through strands of sweaty black hair that fell in front of his eyes.

“Oh my god.” Erwin shifted his posture, rolling his shoulders and tilting his head back as he watched Levi bouncing up and down on his dick, heavy breaths and gasps escaping both of them. His grasp on the shorter man’s thighs tightened a bit as he watched every muscle in his body move as he rode on top of him. He tried not to let his mind wander, yet he couldn’t help but dread that this would be the first and last time they did this. He wanted this to last forever, he wanted to fuck him all day and again at night and wake up to him in the morning, but he knew that Levi would treat him like a loose acquaintance again the moment they left the dream land of his room and stepped back into the real world.

Levi wasn’t exhibiting any such thoughts at the moment. He arched his back and tipped his head as his eyes rolled back to his skull and black dots swarmed his field of vision. His mind was clouded, and he could feel hot flashes pulsing through his body as he began to sweat, unaware of the moaning that escaped him as he landed on Erwin at a certain angle. His cheeks grew brighter in color and his forehead began to sweat more with every downward motion onto Erwin’s cock as he found a rhythm and began to move faster.

He hadn’t had sex in a long time, and he had never done it with someone he was genuinely interested in. He had never had sex when he was sober before, and it was different. He enjoyed it and he felt good. He remembered everything that happened last night when he woke up this morning which was completely new to him. His eyes were glazed over for a moment, yet he eventually tipped his head back down to look at Erwin, his eyes only open through little slivers between his squinted lids.

“Fuck!” He practically yelled, a chill shooting straight down his spine as he loosened up enough to enable the entire length of Erwin’s cock to slide inside of him. Little beads of sweat were dripping off the ends of his hair and rolling down the sides of his face as moved up and down, his motions accompanied by labored breaths and moans. “Does that feel good?” He hissed, his question followed by a heavy gasp.

“Yeah... Fuck, you’re amazing.” Erwin murmured as he watched Levi move up and back. He knew he couldn’t hold out much longer, especially after Levi had started to move faster. He was pounding his body down onto his hips and sending pulses of heat down his spine. At this point, he was digging his nails so far into the other man’s skin to prevent himself from moaning too loud that he was starting to leave little finger print bruises on the sides of Levi’s thighs.

“Mmh- fuck...” Levi hissed, narrowing his eyes as he continued to move faster. He could feel the tension rising inside of him and the blood rushing to his head as he continued to sweat, his vision going fuzzy as his eyes rolled back, his body pulsing as the tension continued to build until it finally exploded from inside of him. He dug his nails into Erwin’s skin as he keeled forwards, a loud gasp escaping him as he came all over his torso. Erwin grabbed firmly onto Levi’s hips and jerked his body into an upright seated position as he came inside of him at the same time, grabbing onto Levi’s back for support and burying his face into the crook of his neck as both of their bodies began to tremble a bit between deep, exhausted breaths.

Attempting to catch his breath, Levi looked at Erwin as he sat up. He wanted to slump off to the side and faint, yet he allowed himself to resist the temptation to do so by refusing to break eye contact with Erwin. His eyes were narrowed and his mouth was slightly agape as he gasped for air. A soft smile crossed Erwin’s face after a short pause as he took one hand to brush some of Levi’s dark, wet hair away from over his eyes.

Levi winced as he kneeled upwards to move off of Erwin, who immediately slumped onto his back. Levi followed, laying down beside him on his stomach and looking over at him, resting his elbows on the mattress and supporting his cheek within his hand.

“Thanks for wasting my time.” Levi teased, his eyes narrow as he had finally caught his breath enough to get a sentence out.

“Gladly.” Erwin turned his head to look over at Levi, his smile faltering a bit as the shorter man immediately got up off the bed and began to look around for his clothes. He grabbed Erwin’s white button up shirt and grinned over at him in a sinister way as he put it back on, leaving it unbuttoned and holding it closed with his hand as he walked over to his dresser.

Erwin sighed, watching Levi as he pulled out a pair of black jeans and a belt out and let them hang over the open drawer. He sat up and pulled his own boxers back up his legs as Levi checked himself in the mirror, visibly irritated with his disheveled, wet hair and flushed red cheeks. The shorter man sighed before walking out of his bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Erwin sat still and listened, and his head immediately perked up as he heard the shower faucet turn on. He hesitated for a moment before leaping up and following Levi into the bathroom, noticing that the other man had folded his shirt and lay it down on the closed toilet lid. He didn’t bother trying to take it back from him.

Levi flinched as Erwin yanked the shower curtain open, yet the slightly shocked expression on his face fell neutral when he noticed that it was just him.

“Hey.” He acknowledged the blonde before turning away and continuing to rub some shampoo into his hair. Erwin stepped into the shower, and couldn’t help but feel a pang of dismay at the neutrality of Levi’s voice. He began to imagine the other man distancing himself from him, so he wanted to hang onto this moment for as long as he could.

Levi pumped a bit of extra shampoo into his hands and got onto his tip toes as he began to rub it through Erwin’s hair, stretching his arms up as far as he could as he gave him a little head massage, which made the taller man smile with content. Levi’s expression was calm, completely neutral as he lathered the shampoo into Erwin’s short, blonde hair for a minute or so before stepping down and focusing on himself.

They both stepped out of the shower about ten minutes later. Levi handed Erwin an extra towel as he dried himself off, shaking the towel through his hair before wrapping it around his waist, grabbing the shirt off of the toilet seat and walking back to his bedroom. Erwin followed, watching as Levi pulled his underwear back up his legs and slid his arms through the sleeves of his shirt. He buttoned it up part way and rolled the sleeves up past his elbows and then grabbed the black jeans he had laid out and pulled them up to his waist, tucking the shirt in before he zipped and buttoned the pants up and fastened them with the belt.

Erwin always liked how Levi dressed. He was simple and put together and always looked extremely neat. He had enjoyed, however, seeing him with no makeup and messy hair as he had this morning, yet he knew it wasn’t something he’d be seeing from Levi out in public.

“You wear it better than I do.” Erwin called out as Levi put a few silver necklaces on and grabbed the little eyeliner pen off of the top of his drawer to carefully apply two little black wings over his eyes, hovering dangerously close to the mirror as he did so. He fixed his hair as it began to dry before walking back over to Erwin, who was sitting over the edge of the bed. He stood in between the taller man’s legs and leaned forwards, resting his hands on the tops of his thighs.

“Get dressed.” He snapped, before walking back to the dresser and pulling out a new pair of socks.

“Do you wanna get coffee? Or breakfast? You’re probably hungry- “

“I _was_ making breakfast.” Levi sneered as he turned back to look at Erwin, shooting him a venomous glare.

Erwin said nothing to the comment as he stood up and collected his remaining clothes off of the floor and put them back on. Just the black jeans and beige sweater. He didn’t bother tucking it in as he grabbed his socks off of the floor and sat back over the edge of the bed to slip those on as well.

Levi had stepped into a black pair of doc marten boots and checked himself in the mirror one last time before waiting for Erwin to stand up. As the taller man followed him over to the doorway, he grimaced down at his unmade bed.

Since Levi had moved to Trost, and every day of his life for the past six years, he made his bed _every. single. morning._ After a moment of hesitation, he inevitably shrugged and walked out of the room, followed by Erwin, who he instructed to shut the door behind him.

“Do you want to come with me to get coffee?” Erwin repeated the question as he and Levi both grabbed their jackets and Levi grabbed his car keys off of the kitchen counter.

“No.” Levi shut down the proposition, casting Erwin a tired glance. “I’m already late. Sorry.” He added when he realized that just giving Erwin a blunt no probably sounded a bit mean. He looked up at the taller man as he walked over to the doorway and opened the door, waiting for him to follow him out of his apartment.

Erwin walked up to him, yet he pressed his palm against the door and closed it most of the way. “One second.” He explained before leaning down and wrapping his arms around Levi and moving in to kiss him on the lips. Levi kissed him back yet pulled away from it after a very brief moment.

“C’mon...” He scoffed as he placed his hand back on the doorknob, rolling his eyes and grinning a bit as he tilted his head off to the side.

“Okay, sorry.” Erwin managed to force a bit of a smile as he followed Levi out the door, standing behind the shorter individual as he turned the key into the lock before leading Erwin down the hallway to a flight of stairs and then out into the small parking lot. Before Levi could walk over to his car, he turned to face Erwin, placing his hands into the pockets of his coat. The air was cold and bitter, yet the warm, shining sun and the lack of wind made the weather a little more tolerable.

“Alright... I’ll see you around.” He started. He really wasn’t sure what to say to him at that moment because his mind was in a million different places. He’d never been on this sort of basis with a person before and wasn’t sure if he was supposed to act a certain way around Erwin from now on.

Erwin nodded. “Hey, do you want to come by my place tonight or something? I owe you a house tour.” He said with a smile. He couldn’t get enough of the shorter man and his mind was completely wrapped around the idea of seeing him again and again. He liked the idea of continuing to have sex with him, but he was really caught up on things like holding Levi’s hand or watching movies on the couch and seeing him in the morning in a way that no one else got to see him.

He knew that was extremely unrealistic and he was only going to get himself hurt if he continued to let himself get carried away with this kind of thinking.

“I have AA tonight.” Levi told him, his expression was icy and neutral.

“Okay...” Erwin knew the meetings only lasted a little over an hour and debated whether or not he wanted to pester him any further. “If you decide you want to come over after or anything, let me know, okay?” He ended up saying instead of questioning whether or not he’d be available after the meeting.

“Will do.” Levi replied, shifting his weight back and forth from his heels to the front of his feet. “I’ll see you later, Erwin.” He added before turning away and walking to his little white sedan, sliding into the driver’s seat through the open car door. Erwin watched for a moment as Levi shut the door behind him before he walked over to where he had parked his car the night before.

* * *

“Oh, hey Levi!”

Levi almost flinched as he walked into the lobby of the animal shelter and almost crashed into Marco as he was making his way over to the front door to take one of the shelter dogs for a walk. He had been completely zoned out, lost in his little world as he replayed snapshots of what had just happened between Erwin and himself.

“Oh, hey kiddo.” Levi started. He knew Marco lived with Erwin, so he had to have known he had spent the night with him unless Erwin hadn’t informed the teenager of his whereabouts, which, knowing Erwin, he probably didn’t make anything up. “I forgot you volunteered here. Good for you, coming in on a Sunday.”

Marco smiled down at the shorter man. “Yeah, it’s been great getting to know all the animals and whatnot! I’ve been posting a lot of their pictures on my instagram and I didn’t think it would do much, but a few of the kids I go to school with have actually been hitting me up and telling me their families are trying to adopt... Especially with the holidays coming up soon.”

A faint smile crossed over Levi’s face as he pulled the jacket he was wearing off of his arms and tucked it under his elbow. “That’s great you’re doing that.” Was all he said before walking past him and going to hang his coat up on one of the racks behind the front desk. He greeted Nile with his usual ‘hello’ and nothing more. He had never been particularly fond of the owner, and was unaware of the fact that Erwin, Mike and Hanji had been discussing terms with him about potentially selling the shelter. He then ventured on his usual route into the cat room to check especially on Bird and her kittens.

He didn’t end up spending too much time at the shelter. He left around one-thirty and made sure to say bye to Marco, since he was still there. The teenager explained to him that he was at the shelter so often because had to get a lot of community service hours in before winter break, which was starting in about three weeks.

Levi ended up driving back to his apartment after leaving the shelter. He figured that since he had the rest of his afternoon off until he had to go to AA in the evening, he’d do some work for his master’s classes.

Upon opening the door, he was immediately greeted by alien stares from Petra and Rico who were mingling in the kitchen.

“Sooo, you wanna explain this?” Petra immediately blurted out, gesturing to the pan full of now cold eggs and vegetables on the stovetop and some of the ingredients still sitting out on the counter.

Levi stared blankly over at her as he hung his jacket on the hook by the door. “Petra, if I had a dime for every time you left your shit all over the kitchen, we’d be living in a much nicer apartment.” He snapped as he attempted to make a beeline for his room so he could make his bed.

“Hey hey hey, not so fast.” Rico called out, taking a step closer to him as she leaned against the kitchen counter. Levi tipped his head back and rolled his eyes before stopping and turning to face the two girls, both with sinister grins across their expressions.

“Yes?” Levi grumbled, his gaze shifting back and forth between Rico and Petra.

“C’mon.” Petra started. “You can’t take those penguin-looking ass baby steps in here and then not explain how your night went.” Rico covered her mouth with her hand as she cackled through gritted teeth at the comment.

Levi narrowed his eyes, glaring over at her. “It was great. Petra, I’m not up your ass about Oluo every time you come back from his place, has it ever crossed your mind that some of us would rather not talk about... that.”

“Levi.” Rico interjected. “By the time Petra started dating Oluo, we were all already sick and tired of asking her about how her night went. It’s literally always one of us with the big story, never you. We’re excited for you! And, we just wanna know; does mister tall blonde and handsome charity angel face of the community lay good pipe?”

Levi grimaced at Rico for a moment, astounded by the disgusting creativity of the nickname she had branded Erwin with. “Yeah.” He admitted, trying to hide a faint grin from creeping onto his face.

Petra immediately grinned, her eyes widening. “Okay, now you have to give us details.”

“No.” Levi cut her off before turning away and walking into his room.

Rico and Petra lingered around in the apartment all afternoon, occasionally swooping in to bother Levi for little details about his night as his face was buried into his laptop and a notebook right beside him. He preferred to make hand-written notes as opposed to typing them out. He’d keep everything on paper until he made a final draft of something.

He’d give in to Petra and Rico’s relentless inquisitions every once in a while, and would explain little bits to them, yet they were primarily not much more than ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers.

At one point, the two girls had been minding their own business for long enough that Levi became so immersed in his work that he lost track of time, only for his focus to be interrupted by a buzzing on his phone.

Eld Jinn

[5:26 pm] Gonna catch the meeting tn?

Levi stared at the message for a moment and almost jumped up from his seat when he realized he only had a few minutes before he needed to meet Eld and head over. He was always extremely punctual when it came to going places and it was unusual for him to lose track of time. Before responding to the text, he closed out of some of the open tabs on his laptop and made sure he saved everything he was working on before organizing all of his books into a neat pile, which he picked up and placed into his bag before grabbing his phone and standing up.

[5:28 pm] ya. want to walk or drive?

[5:29 pm] We can walk, it’s not that cold out!

[5:29 pm] kk meet me halfway

It had been the first day in weeks that the weather was tolerable enough to be outside, and Levi was thankful for that. He enjoyed walking and running outside and hated when it was too cold that he had to go to a gym and run on a treadmill instead. Being outside on his own cleared his mind, yet he had grown to enjoy his walks to and from meetings with Eld just as much. Over the past few months, the two men had grown extremely close. They understood and trusted each other, probably because their friendship stemmed from talking about extremely personal subjects and being able to relate to them.

Petra and Rico were in Petra’s room as Levi grabbed his house keys and coat, so he just shouted across the house to announce his departure before heading out of their apartment building, locking the door behind him.

It took him a bit less than ten minutes to reach the spot where he usually met up with Eld to walk the rest of the way to the community center. In that short period of time, Levi’s mind was immediately flooded with an array of thoughts. He had been so fixated on his work over the past few hours that he had completely blocked out anything regarding his personal life, and it all came suddenly back to him.

The only thing he could think about was Erwin.

He looked at his feet, hands in his coat pockets as his mind wandered into his daydream world of scenarios. His head was in the same place at this time yesterday, yet at that point he was imagining potential outcomes of their interaction.

That interaction had happened, and it had secured a place right at the forefront of his thoughts. He narrowed his sharp, silvery eyes as he couldn’t help but picture the tall blonde making him feel things he had never felt before in his entire life in a way that was both physical and emotional. The things he did to his body brought his mind to a place he had never been to. He had never felt _safe_ with another person before. He trusted him and felt comfortable being intimate and exposed in front of him. It made him feel good.

He had never been with someone who made him feel important, and he was starting to realize that he had been experiencing a head high all day. He felt like he was on top of the world.

Levi thought for a moment before pulling his phone out of his pocket, the bitter cold that seized his bare fingers immediately causing him to regret that decision. Nevertheless, he found Erwin’s contact name and briefly contemplated what he wanted to say to him, yet he acted on impulse for the most part.

[5:35 pm] about that house tour

[5:35 pm] it better be clean or it’s not worth my time

He stared at his screen for a moment, yet quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket when he heard his name being called out from across the street. Lifting his head up, he saw Eld with his arm raised as he waved his hand from side to side. Levi waved back as he walked across the street, pausing directly in front of the other man.

“Hey, long time no see.” Eld made note of the fact that he hadn’t seen Levi since the previous Sunday. They would usually meet up at least a few times during the week. “Too busy with your new boyfriend to hang out with silly old me?” He teased, nudging Levi’s shoulder as they began to walk alongside one another.

“Friend.” Levi corrected Eld yet was immediately greeted by a wave of guilt at the remark. He genuinely had no idea what Erwin was to him anymore.

Eld arched a brow, noticing how Levi was avoiding eye contact with him. The shorter man was staring straight ahead as he walked, and he could tell right off the bat that something was different about him.

“Is that so? You two have been just _friends_ for a while now.”

Levi shrugged. “I’m not sure what to call it, to be honest.” He admitted. For some reason, he felt like he could say anything to Eld, and he would understand it. His guard was unusually down around him and he noticed he had much less of a filter. “We’re not _together_... Like in a ‘do you want to be my boyfriend’ sort of way, but we’re not really _friends_ anymore, either.”

“Mhmm...” Eld nodded his head, looking down at Levi.

“I told him about AA last night. All of it. How I got addicted to what made me start going to meetings. Felt liberating, actually. I don’t regret telling him and I’m not upset that he knows.”

“Wow...” Eld started, his eyes wide and a small smile forming across his face. “I’m impressed, that’s not like you. It’s good to communicate about this kind of stuff though, it’s like having a wall up around you trying to keep it a secret, especially in a relationship...”

“Yeah.” Levi nodded, still avoiding eye contact with Eld. 

“How’d he react?” The taller blonde asked.

“He felt guilty at first because he brought me wine without knowing. I could see it in his face. He took it well though, he obviously wasn’t _happy,_ but he wasn’t angry.”

“That’s good. I mean, it isn’t really a happy story so that would be pretty sadistic if he was...”

“Mhmm...” Levi fell silent, his mind was in a distant world and he was barely immersed in the conversation any more. The temptation for him to pull his phone out of his pocket and see if Erwin had said anything to him was hurting his head, yet he knew that would be rude to Eld. He didn’t want to let Erwin’s presence in his life take away from his interactions with other people, so he managed to convince himself that whatever Erwin had to say could wait until after the meeting. The two continued to walk beside each other as they made their way through the brisk, late-fall air towards the community center.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!! likes, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions are always appreciated xoxo <3 
> 
> so sorry for the delayed update! it's definitely a lot harder to find time to write with school taking up most of my life. i've definitely hit a wall because i had a very clear vision for what i wanted this fic to look like plot wise up until this point, and i know how i want it to end, but i definitely will need some time to sort out how i want to get from here to there! 
> 
> if any of my readers are fans of certain characters, relationships or have any idea for what they want to see more of please let me know in the comments! i will definitely consider it as i try to work out a more concrete plot for the second half of this fic


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